Venting There is nothing left for me and I am ready to go

[hauntyoueveryday]

There is nothing important for me anymore. My best friend ended her life this april, I sit alone in my room all day with nobody reaching out to me, I am not really good at anything meaningful; basically I have nothing/ no one to keep me going. I am not diagnosed with anything and don't have access to treat myself (not that I really want to) but still. I've been crying every night for maybe the past week because I miss my friend and I know it is over for me. The only thing I really want now is to die, which, surprise surprise.. I can't even do. I don't have access to any CTB method and my family is so skeptical whenever I ask for ANYTHING.. let alone something that could end my life. I feel like my depression and everything else isn't valid since I live a really nice life but I feel so miserable and terrible all the time and I hate myself for it. I feel ungrateful. The only bridge in walking distance to me isn't even high enough to kill me. I just sit and feel sorry for myself like a loser, but I don't care, I am not going to go out and create some perfect life for myself (I don't fucking want to!! because all I want to do is die). I am scared that I will have to live in this world forever. I probably sound retarded and I am sorry but I have a really hard time expressing myself. Does anyone else feel the same way as me?? (If you can even understand what I am saying)

 

[lastsunset]

Heyy!

I'm so sorry for your loss. That sounds absolutely heartbreaking.
Just wanted to tell you I relate alot. I haven't lost anyone but I can relate to what you're explaining. You don't sound retarded at all.

I just made a post like 2 days ago explaining my situation. I feel like maybe you can find some comfort in knowing you're not alone

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/anybody-down-to-talk.172368/

Sending hugs

 

[CatLvr]

You may not think so but you make perfect sense. Oh, man, losing a friend is SO hard. Please give yourself time to grieve and miss your friend. Nobody can tell you how long that will be, unfortunately.

I have to tell you your screen name tickles me. (Big gun enthusiast here. Even shot in some competitions before I got hurt.)

 

[hauntyoueveryday]

You may not think so but you make perfect sense. Oh, man, losing a friend is SO hard. Please give yourself time to grieve and miss your friend. Nobody can tell you how long that will be, unfortunately.

I have to tell you your screen name tickles me. (Big gun enthusiast here. Even shot in some competitions before I got hurt.)

Thank you for your kindness, it means so much to me<3 and I am glad you like my username that's so cool about you being in some competitions!

 

[CatLvr]

Thank you for your kindness, it means so much to me<3 and I am glad you like my username that's so cool about you being in some competitions!

Lol, I can highly recommend doing a shooting competition once in your life. Not the rifle, long distance stuff but the ones where they set up a stage and tell you the scenario and then let you do your thing and time you. Highest score (combination of time it takes you to finish the stage and how accurate your hits were) gets bragging rights. Oof, I got a rush just watching their promotional vid.

 

[hauntyoueveryday]

Lol, I can highly recommend doing a shooting competition once in your life. Not the rifle, long distance stuff but the ones where they set up a stage and tell you the scenario and then let you do your thing and time you. Highest score (combination of time it takes you to finish the stage and how accurate your hits were) gets bragging rights. Oof, I got a rush just watching their promotional vid.

This is so so cool WOW I would definitely try one of these, but I have significant vision issues and would just embarrass myself

 

[CatLvr]

This is so so cool WOW I would definitely try one of these, but I have significant vision issues and would just embarrass myself

Nobody and I mean NOBODY was worse than I was when I started. Me and another kid we got to know from matches used to say we were doing battle for last place!