Story There is no way of seeing my life story as anything other than pathetic and uninteresting.

[8leveloquenfrn4evr8]

I was created as a political prop in the most irresponsible manner imaginable. I never truly connected with anyone 100% despite trying to reflect the dominant culture I was drop shipped into. I never had solid friends. I failed in school and sports. I have existed as a decaying waste of space for decades now.

Just that alone makes me miserable but I have been depressed, anxious and suicidal from age 9. The cumulative sense of failure and alienation is becoming more and more unsettling despite my ongoing efforts to get myself comfortable with it and the final self-effacement it will lead to. I can never be happy. I can try to fake it. I can descend into a small state of mind and feel good about something like a video game or food. But true satisfaction? Genuine joy? Security of contentment? It's never happened and it never will.

I guess I don't care much about anything anymore but I wish I had no memories of my past. I will I just woke up (if I had to) as a total amnesiac.

Soon I'll be dead and no one will really care much. I just wish I had never even happened. I hate myself for all my weaknesses and deficiencies. In a better world I'd be put down peacefully in my sleep without even my foreknowledge. But this world is horrible.

I have less and less to say with every day that goes by. It's just that nothing matters the way it did when I was younger and I retired my mind long ago without even realizing it. Eventually it became a self-conscious decision.

All I really hope for now is a peaceful death.

Remember that we all suffered. Humanity is evil but while it's pretending not to be it must find a way to stop the suffering. Otherwise I hope this world and everything in it will be annihilated asap.

 

[Lyn]

I can relate a lot to having less and less to say. Nothing is perceived at least at the degree that it used to.
And nothing really matters. And words are just words.
Everything has already been said before numerous times and... here we are, all the humanity, right where we were all the time.

But it's always sad to see someone experiencing suffer, pain, decay or whatnot.
So I'm sorry for what you are going through.

I can only hope that you'll at least find peace one way or another.

 

[8leveloquenfrn4evr8]

Yeah I mean I don't matter so my reiterations of everything that's already happened and been better said than I ever could in other people's lives aren't valuable. No one has a reason to listen to them. They aren't reasons in themselves.

I am a void that no one can truly see or hear. Even physically there's never been the intensity that happens for normal people since having failed at everything I am unable to take a masculine role in any situation.

Even people who should know better end up feeling superior to me and losing respect for me. I just want to get this evil punishment over with.