There is no other way out of this

[violetdevil]

My brain is too fucked up to study, so I can't even finish college. I will never have a decent paying job.

I can barely shower and brush my teeth.
Basic tasks like washing the dishes and making the bed are hard.

I have no friends. I can't keep them either.

I feel numb most of the time. Like a zombie. It's probably because of my anti depressants, but I'd rather feel nothing than be constantly depressed.

I just know that I'll never be able to be independent because I'm too mentally ill and nothing helps enough.

I've been thinking about suicide and death in general quite a lot recently.
I'm scared of drinking my N though, wish it didn't taste so horrid. I hate how it takes minutes to pass out from it because I'll be awake waiting, knowing I'm going to die soon. That's terrifying.

I know I need to kill myself but I don't know if I can

I guess I'm afraid of both life and death.

 

[ipmanwc0]

I could have written this post word for word. Good luck hope you find peace

 

[Leopard2023]

Sounds like me

 

[lemonbunny]

i relate so hard. functioning in college is difficult as hell.

 

[chuerdhmproton]

My brain is too fucked up to study, so I can't even finish college. I will never have a decent paying job.

I can barely shower and brush my teeth.
Basic tasks like washing the dishes and making the bed are hard.

I have no friends. I can't keep them either.

I feel numb most of the time. Like a zombie. It's probably because of my anti depressants, but I'd rather feel nothing than be constantly depressed.

I just know that I'll never be able to be independent because I'm too mentally ill and nothing helps enough.

I've been thinking about suicide and death in general quite a lot recently.
I'm scared of drinking my N though, wish it didn't taste so horrid. I hate how it takes minutes to pass out from it because I'll be awake waiting, knowing I'm going to die soon. That's terrifying.

I know I need to kill myself but I don't know if I can

I guess I'm afraid of both life and death.

Are you me cause you almost perfectly described how I am too…

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can really relate to some of the points you mentioned in OP. With some of those points I'm struggling as well. You are not alone. I hope you find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring feeling trapped in that situation but anyway I wish you the best.