Venting There has been times in which i wake up with a smile and energy and purpose in life

[Nights]

I miss the old times, i used to wake up with a motivation, for my friends, i used to not sleep due to being so excited about the next day, i used to wake up early in the morning because my friends existed, whenever i woken up i always thinked "are my friends already wake?" so that i could play videogames or other games with them, that was when i was a child, those moments are gone, the old me does no longer exist, i can't bear this pain anymore, i'm not that type that gets annoyed by loneliness since i'm a loner, but i had specific people that i cared about, and dedicated my whole life and money for them, they're not manipulative or anything they was the best thing happened in my life, expect bad things happen, now i wake up depressed, disappointed at myself, ashamed of what i have become, sometimes it takes me half a hour to get off bed because i'm just tired and sad, if only dreams, before i sleep i always wish if i just could press a button and i disappear, i hardly sleep even with medicine, i'm just too tired, i'm the biggest failure ever, there is no way i will ever recover from depression i've been depressed since i were 8, my first suicide attempt was when i was 11, i realized it won't get better and there's no future for me a long time ago, even when i felt a bit of hope i figured out i'll end up committing suiciding and that can't be prevented, i don't want death, what i really want is old times to back, and i get a second chance in life, but this won't happen, and since it won't happen it will lead to pain, and i will try to stop the pain through any means even suicide, so i will suicide in order to stop my suffering although i don't want to stop my pain through this way, but it's the only way for me, there's no other ways

 

[90starve]

im so sorry for what life has forced you through - i also long to have my old self back. i was young, care free, NOT LONELY.

it's very hard to look back on better days - when we had friends, when we could wake up with a smile and be ready to tackle the day :(

i see no other way out other than death. i think it's the only solution to my problems at this point.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

There is not a single morning anymore that I do not wake up with dread. I can't remember the last time I woke up and felt some joy.. maybe this is how I know it's time to go.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be awful missing the past. Existence is just too cruel and it's horrible how existing can very easily get much worse, I understand feeling so tired of everything, it really would be ideal having the option to never wake again.

 

[MrDarkness]

I've been there too. But remember you will always meet new people that will fulfill that void. Life is garbage. But there is always some things to keep fighting for. Wish the best for you