There are wounds that never show on the body, they are deeper than anything that bleeds .

[Parnate]

Well I am better today than I was before. But the wounds caused by years of abuse and gaslighting by own family has severely damaged me. My family has changed today ,they behave well now, but the past is so entrenched on my mind that every now and then i involuntarily remember the past . It has destroyed my ability for feeling normal, for being hopeful. It's as if something that secretes hope and positive emotions has been taken out of my body.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I can emphasize with you on this. Sorry to hear that.

 

[Alexandra_]

Yes, really bad things we will remember until death. I'm sorry that something like this happened to you. My family is also far from ideal, there were many bad things between us

 

[Bruce]

Well I am better today than I was before. But the wounds caused by years of abuse and gaslighting by own family has severely damaged me. My family has changed today ,they behave well now, but the past is so entrenched on my mind that every now and then i involuntarily remember the past . It has destroyed my ability for feeling normal, for being hopeful. It's as if something that secretes hope and positive emotions has been taken out of my body.

But you survived and are aware. And that damage, living with it shows how strong you are. Normal, hopeful is living a lie. Unless you want to live a lie then you should wish for something else. I think damage wakes us up just like you come alert when you burn yourself. You are different, in a way you should be proud. Doesn't make it hurt any less though.

 

[lookingglassinsect]

I really relate to this. The damage is truly lasting, and it doesn't depend on you. But what does depend on you is whether it leads to transgenerational trauma or whether you're able to break the cycle.

 

[UnusedGate]

I know it's hard but try not to focus on the past. If the present is good then let the past be in the past. What's the point of ruining the present by thinking of the past? I've tried this and it's kinda helped.

 

[Dejected 55]

The wounds nobody can see are often the hardest to treat and the ones causing the most pain.

 

[Nightfoot]

Memories can reopen wounds, but maybe the meaning we give those memories are what reignite the pain as memories are of things that happened in the past while our feelings about them are in the present. I hope things get better for you.

 

[Parnate]

I really relate to this. The damage is truly lasting, and it doesn't depend on you. But what does depend on you is whether it leads to transgenerational trauma or whether you're able to break the cycle.

I am gay and will stay unmarried so I guess I will atleast not pass the trauma.

I know it's hard but try not to focus on the past. If the present is good then let the past be in the past. What's the point of ruining the present by thinking of the past? I've tried this and it's kinda helped.

Actually when I am with my family I automatically remember these things, I have flashbacks.

 

[Bruce]

I know it's hard but try not to focus on the past. If the present is good then let the past be in the past. What's the point of ruining the present by thinking of the past? I've tried this and it's kinda helped.

The thing is you can't always control this, there can be triggers. Some of us don't have an on/off switch and just not give a fuck.
There's another thing: speaking for myself now, I don't want to forget. These pains shaped me, they make me who I am. I'm not happy I got hit but I did learn something from it. I think I'm a better person because of my past.
Lastly these memories serve to help, to protect. I have my guard up now.