Venting therapy won't actually help me

[meltskelt]

Yeah, I have started therapy after my sister found out my sh scars and suicide failure. I don't actually believe that it will help me as I still want to ctb soon... I'm doing this because, well, I'm not sure. Tbh death is what keeps me calm at night because it's the only thing that can make everything better once again, so talking to someone that believes they can help me overcome my suicidal ideas is kind of silly.
The plan is to try again by the end of 2025, this time I'm trying harder to avoid telling anyone ahead of time that I might kms and also getting more into my depression so I don't think too much about not dying.
I feel numb
I'm tired
And having someome by my side wont help anymore. People try to flirt and date me but I just cannot accept it because god knows how unstable I already am. Imagine me dating someone and on the next day I just die or cut myself? It isn't fair. No. I dont want to deal with other people's problems as well

 

[Kittywuzhere.]

Yeah but i mean if ur gonna die anyways therapy's worth a shot right? i'm not saying to totally devote yourself to therapy and that it's a godsend that will save you but if u got nothing to lose, you might as well try it out don't tell them everything because you don't wanna get sent to award but I think maybe if you're honest with your therapist, you can have someone to vent to who won't tell anyone.