As I prepare to leave this life, I look around at the world and it brings me joy to know that I won't have to stay here much longer. The homelessness. The mean spirit of people in the post-COVID age. The growing ethnic tribalism that I see people getting into now. There isn't really a spirit of love around. Not even amongst pro-lifers. All they want to do is sound right and motivating. I look at all of this, and wonder what I would be holding onto if I were to give life one last try. Like, what am I really trying to cling to? What is there to hope in? Life's skirt has been pulled up. The lie is over. The delusion is dead. When I was younger, there was more of a facade of hope. So, I bought into it very easily, as did a lot of people. Now, this world is naked for all to see.
Love is mostly a myth and a marketing tool for someone to get something out of someone else. Money is the perpetual carrot on the stick. Humanity is pretty much more platitudes than actual deeply held beliefs. Life is just... shitty. I don't know. Maybe if I had someone who cared about me or some semblance of a family, I'd feel a little differently about self-terminating. I still would, but it would just hurt a lot more. It's easy for me because I don't have such tethers in this life. People change. They always turned on me, for whatever reason. I love. I give. I go out of my way. All to be spit on in the end. Thrown away. Family. Friendships. Romantic love. Professional relationships. Didn't matter. I was always the expendable element. So, I realize that my outlook on life may not be shared by many. However, it's my truth and I accept it and integrate it as a part of myself.
That's why I am comfortable with moving forward with my decision. I'm in love with the idea of never being again. I'm in love with the idea of leaving life. I've been through and overcome so much. My battery is fried now. I can't psych myself up to make another go of life. It's all too exhausting. I'm enjoying my own company and making preparations for the coming event. I can't possibly look at this world and find what is so appealing to most about life. I know that oother people may have someone in thier life that they are trying to hold on for. I respect that. As for me, I can't wait to leave this hellscape. My life has been nothing short of pure suffering, rejection, and disappointment.
I can't wait to go into that starry night that never ends.
Love is mostly a myth and a marketing tool for someone to get something out of someone else. Money is the perpetual carrot on the stick. Humanity is pretty much more platitudes than actual deeply held beliefs. Life is just... shitty. I don't know. Maybe if I had someone who cared about me or some semblance of a family, I'd feel a little differently about self-terminating. I still would, but it would just hurt a lot more. It's easy for me because I don't have such tethers in this life. People change. They always turned on me, for whatever reason. I love. I give. I go out of my way. All to be spit on in the end. Thrown away. Family. Friendships. Romantic love. Professional relationships. Didn't matter. I was always the expendable element. So, I realize that my outlook on life may not be shared by many. However, it's my truth and I accept it and integrate it as a part of myself.
That's why I am comfortable with moving forward with my decision. I'm in love with the idea of never being again. I'm in love with the idea of leaving life. I've been through and overcome so much. My battery is fried now. I can't psych myself up to make another go of life. It's all too exhausting. I'm enjoying my own company and making preparations for the coming event. I can't possibly look at this world and find what is so appealing to most about life. I know that oother people may have someone in thier life that they are trying to hold on for. I respect that. As for me, I can't wait to leave this hellscape. My life has been nothing short of pure suffering, rejection, and disappointment.
I can't wait to go into that starry night that never ends.
