Venting the wait isn’t worth it

[eiyuu]

hi! it's me again, the 199 days person from back in January. whoa it's been a couple of scary months hasn't it? but anyway, i saw some of you were wondering why 199 days (im now at 133!). in 133 days is august 15th, which is close to the end of the dog days of sunmer. august 15th also allows me to reach my 20th birthday (on the 4th!) and will let me reflect a lot on my life

but holy shit the wait has not been worth it. i've been taking more proactive measures to better my life (such as exercise, better diet, better attitude, etc) and it's not working. hell, the whole lockdown thing has allowed me to become a better person but i still wake up everyday and mumble the countdown in the mirror.

apart of me is almost tempted to take a trip tomorrow to my jumping spot. it's a 30 min walk and thankfully very few people are outside. i haven't decided if it's just to scout if it's a killing drop or if im just gonna do it yet.

but god the wait is agonizing.

 

[FreedomInDeath]

Sorry to hear of your suffering and that nothing has worked.

 

[dying]

This quarantine is really making everything worse. I've also tried bettering my situation but I'm being crushed by the restrictions and the pressure. Sorry to hear you have it so tough :(

 

[134340]

I'm sorry to hear that your waiting period isn't going as you hoped it would. The wait definitely feels agonizing, maybe moreso because you're locked inside? I don't know, it just sucks all around. I wish you peace no matter what you decide, tomorrow or in august.

 

[eiyuu]

it's nice having comments like these :,) i wish more people on this earth were as kind and accepting as the people on this forum