Discussion the time between you do it and death

[anna_bot]

this has always, for me, been the most frightening part of ctbing. not the actual dying part, nor the prep, but the time from when you swallow sn/whatever and the time you go unconscious. it's less about the physical pain for me but moreso the mental part of: "im going to die in a few minutes.."

how do you deal with this?

 

[kitkat9234]

Following…. Having really bad SI at the moment. But also worried about the prep time and process of dying if I'm sucessful.

 

[offbalance]

this has always, for me, been the most frightening part of ctbing. not the actual dying part, nor the prep, but the time from when you swallow sn/whatever and the time you go unconscious. it's less about the physical pain for me but moreso the mental part of: "im going to die in a few minutes.."

how do you deal with this?

I'm going to deal with it by taking a bunch of benzos

 

[anna_bot]

How much of what do you plan to take if you dont mind me asking?

I'm going to deal with it by taking a bunch of benzos

 

[offbalance]

How much of what do you plan to take if you dont mind me asking?

20mg of Xanax, as recommended in the SN Bible by Vizzy

 

[ghost5555]

Last time I attempted to ctb I just laid there and closed my eyes and I remember nothing else after that. My previous method was a failed od. And to add on, I think the mental part is a huge part of the preparation process in general. It's something that starts months and weeks before you actually take action, not unlike the rest of the process

 

[Hiro Uchiha]

Supplementary drugs are known to help counter or alleviate distress, whether mental or physical during the process. It'd be nice to have something to help me pass out faster. I personally wouldn't take antacids with sn, stomach acids should help in the release on nitric oxide that can induce unconsciousness quicker. My survival instict is very strong. I get anxiety and panic attacks pretty easy so my prescription drug (antipsychotic) should help me in case this occurs.

 

[kilowatt]

What you're thinking of is just the occurrence of SI. In a lot of cases panic kicks in at such time, but coming to terms with death and learning about the phenomenon you're going to experience can help soothe the whole adrenaline of it. ''I'm going to die in a few minutes'' sounds more like relief to me, personally. Like damn? Really? The moment I've been waiting for my entire life is about to become reality?
However, regardless of how mentally prepared you are, there's always a chance SI kicks harder than you expect. It's better to have your plan well put together before you proceed to avoid complications. Benzos are known to help this.

 

[plastic]

For me, the bigger problem is that I have to daily confront civilization and things that my being does not agree with, and this creates severe discomfort and stress for me every day. The longing for death, its approach and death itself became especially my only hope and over time it became a passion.

 

[Mooncry]

Bumping this to say same. I've been trying to come to terms with this for over a year. In my experience, it's been a s l o w process of mulling it over in my mind every single day since I got my SN. But I can honestly say that it's been a recent development of me feeling far less afraid of it than I once was. I think if you're truly serious about wanting to die, then you'll eventually grow numb to every hurdle that comes along with it. I used to think the fear of those few in-between moments was something I'd never be able to come to terms with, but now I think about it and I feel… numb, which is a far cry from how I used to feel.

I think it just takes time. Familiarizing yourself with death and doing your research thoroughly on what to expect has been a big part for me as well. Just know what you're getting into and allow yourself the time you need to feel ready. Trying to force that state of mind never worked for me. Hell, I'm still not fully there, but I can tell my mindset is noticeably shifting.

 

[thebayleaf]

tbh i'm kinda looking forward to it. downing a cup of SN and knowing the choice isn't in my hands anymore would probably help keep my SI in check. i'd just sit back, listen to my music, probably have a well earnt cry and spend my last few minutes reflecting on my life until it all washes away. if anything it's instant death that feels kinda scary, like having a bullet go through my brain and be instantly rendered non-existent before I even realise what's happening. just feels so wrong to have something has complex and unique as a human consciousness be obilitated in less than a microsecond.

 

[TheHolySword]

I would prefer instant death. I don't want to meander around my mortality. I failed SN and the waiting was agony. I don't think I could sit through something like that again. I know jumping isn't immediate, but 5-10 seconds with no chance to change your mind is far more ideal to me. Maybe I'd prefer a slower death if it were assisted suicide, and I could spend time with my loved ones in my final moments waiting to pass. But I'll die alone.

 

[stardewwindceres]

Last time I attempted to ctb I just laid there and closed my eyes and I remember nothing else after that. My previous method was a failed od. And to add on, I think the mental part is a huge part of the preparation process in general. It's something that starts months and weeks before you actually take action, not unlike the rest of the process

You are so right. Yeah, I wonder if there are ways and what are the best ways to prep your mindset, like while you are waiting on products to come or a certain date to come, or whatever, if you have to wait, I wonder, there have to be some good ways= meditations or things to read to have as much of the mental part of the process out of the way beforehand. Of course benzos I think are necessary when it comes time to execute the method.

 

[Pale_Rider]

So when I did there was logistical considerations. I was supposed to get into a subway , and get lost off a platform so I couldn't be found. When the time came, and I had taken what was going to ctb me I couldn't immediately get to a subway entrance. I also discovered the drugs were hitting me a lot faster then I thought they would. I alsobwas jacked up. Shaking. But it was an adrenaline shake. The kind you don't feel. I had to back track to a dog park because I didn't want to just fall out, and have somebody try to assist me. Once I made it to the final location we all [ I have did ] said a word, or many words. Depending on who it was. I also said prayers, and explained to God why I had just did what I did, and requested forgiveness. There were times where the emotions were very heavy, and threatened to interfere with our normal operations so they were successfully severed. Also on humanitarian grounds. Final orders were issued for conduct upon reaching the other side. [ we are a martial environment]. I wish I could remember the songs we played, but I can't. I can remember one I belive we played in hast during our logistic maneuver. In hast because we didn't have time to select a song we really wanted. That's how I discovered I was jacked. Through all of these the methadone euphoria nods was getting heavier, and heavier. We eventually disguised ourself simply as a sleeping homeless man. At a distance we believed we looked like three trash bags. "How fitting we should die as trash " was one of our last comments. "FYI this is the way to go" may have been our very last. Eventually we nodded off into oblivion. I'll comment the song I remember next. We selected the song to prepare ourselves for the worse is what I recall commenting under questioning later after the event.

I belive it was actually off the satisfaction album