The thoughts. They are consuming me. They always do, but right now, they are overwhelming. The thoughts, the yearning to CTB, my whole being wants me to CTB, the thoughts are in repeat in my mind. Fuck, they never stop, THEY NEVER STOP. I wish I could leave people behind, I wish my brain didn't torment me. My brain wants me to die and then it plays with me about the people that will freak out when I do. Fuck you brain. Fuck you thoughts. Fuck I wanna die!!! I WANT TO FUCKING DIE!!!
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BluesRunTheGame
Blackpilled
- Dec 15, 2020
- 1,715
Im sorry you battle them as well, the only way I'll ever get rid of them and be at peace is to CTB, i know that, my brain knows that, I wish it and everyone would let me go and be at peace
BluesRunTheGame
Blackpilled
- Dec 15, 2020
- 1,715
Yeah, i can understand what you're going through. Feels like your brain is just fighting against you, it's tiring.
Yes, I just want to rest and finally be at peace. They're always there, hopefully I can end it once and for all sooner than later
veryhappyhuman
Specialist
- Aug 25, 2021
- 340
It sucks, it's an endless cycle of "okay let's ctb" to "but what about parents" to "there's no way I can outlive them" back to "okay let's ctb" and on and on.
I wish there was a way to immediately suspend all thought once the next "okay let's ctb" thought hits again, and just do the deed.
I wish there was a way to immediately suspend all thought once the next "okay let's ctb" thought hits again, and just do the deed.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,288
Existing really is so horrifying and I see consciousness as being a form of torture. It seems as though in this life there is no escape from suffering and this is why I take comfort in the thought of dying as it is the end to this pointless and unnecessary life. People should not have to suffer like this. It is such a cruel life. I wish you freedom from pain.
Existing is painful for very few of us. Most people have good lives. I'm very jealous to be honest. Used to have a good life myself for 40 odd years. Can change in an instant. It's a terrible disease. In the hospital I'm in a lady has 3 young sons. How is that fair. Life is fucked up.
I don't know but even if I have no reason to have these intrusive thoughts I keep having them constantly always thinking about the next concern I can win a millionaire prize in the lotto and I always have these negative thoughts. There is no doubt within me that the best solution is ctb. Why always suffer?
Fuck me too, that's exactly my situation too, it's torture
