The things I love get taken away from me.

[insectontrial]

I've decided the day I CTB will be the 14th of May. That's the day before I face a formal meeting with my university to consider suspending or expelling me on health grounds (which is their way of saying they could not accommodate my autism or colitis).

The other reason I will CTB on this particular date is that it will be two days after my audiology appointment. I'm starting to lose my hearing in a very strange way. Music suddenly sounds like it is a lower pitch and off-key. All my favourite songs are ruined now and I'll never be able to enjoy them again. I also know I wouldn't tolerate hearing aids.

It just feels like the things I love are all being taken away from me. I've been banned from seeing my brothers due to an autistic meltdown, and now I won't even be able to listen to what were my favourite songs before I do die, which is what I was hoping for.

 

[Phyreen]

I'm actually a first year student facing suspension, and I think I'm going to ctb before the consequences of my actions hit me (nobody knows that I am in the state that I am). If I don't go, then the method I have set up will likely become inaccessible due to moving out of my accom and stuff. And, the way I have set up is the only way I'm willing to leave. I'm just too much of a pussy, so idk.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Could you maybe change the songs at the source? A quick Google search came up with: Time Stretch Player- which may let you listen at the song at a higher pitch to compensate- maybe? I don't know if it would work or, how much it might cost but, maybe you could consider it.

 

[insectontrial]

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Could you maybe change the songs at the source? A quick Google search came up with: Time Stretch Player- which may let you listen at the song at a higher pitch to compensate- maybe? I don't know if it would work or, how much it might cost but, maybe you could consider it.

I'll give this a go. Thank you for letting me know about the software. Right now it just feels like the sounds I used to appreciate have been taken away from me and ruined.

 

[insectontrial]

Today's the day. I've booked the barber for my final haircut. Then I'm going to order a takeaway, and then schedule some text messages to go out to the people they need to reach, so that I'll be dead by the time they open them.

Then I'll put my suit on, take some strong sedatives, and hang myself before they take too much of an effect. I've got the ligature prepared already, so there won't be any faff later on.

Before I do go, I'd like to say thank you to everyone who supported me and listened to me here. It has meant a lot, and now I'll finally be able to CTB, on my own terms, in a way that'll actually work this time.

I'm not scared, and I'm not going to back out. This is the most calm I've felt about things in a long time, and I know I'm doing the right thing. My autism made me a burden on everyone whose lives I came into. That ends today.

 

[darksouls]

however you decide,
I wish you the best, I hope you find relief from suffering

 

[peacefulexitplz]

I hope you find peace