bearbrikk
Listen to the voice in your head
- May 2, 2024
- 121
I wish I could say I hate people and mean it. I can't. The underlying thing of my despise is longing. Longing for human interaction. Longing for a connection.
In real life, I struggle a lot with this subject. A few months ago I started working at a hotel. There was a colleague of mine who I got along with and I felt pretty safe with them. So I instantly connected with them and became ''obsessed''. All day, every day, I was thinking about how I could keep them in my life, become the best of friends with them, and try to become the most important person in their life. If they laughed with other people I would become so jealous that I immediately shut off any connection I had with them and they were dead to me. For some reason, I needed to be the most important in their life. Keep in mind, I just met them. Once I meet a person I connect with, they will become everything immediately. I guess I am finding out I have a major fear of abandonment. So now my choice is to keep living the way I am living. ( All alone nobody around me ) or try with people and risk the disappointment and pain that comes with it.
In real life, I struggle a lot with this subject. A few months ago I started working at a hotel. There was a colleague of mine who I got along with and I felt pretty safe with them. So I instantly connected with them and became ''obsessed''. All day, every day, I was thinking about how I could keep them in my life, become the best of friends with them, and try to become the most important person in their life. If they laughed with other people I would become so jealous that I immediately shut off any connection I had with them and they were dead to me. For some reason, I needed to be the most important in their life. Keep in mind, I just met them. Once I meet a person I connect with, they will become everything immediately. I guess I am finding out I have a major fear of abandonment. So now my choice is to keep living the way I am living. ( All alone nobody around me ) or try with people and risk the disappointment and pain that comes with it.
