The right time for me is now. But my SN isn’t here yet!

[takemenowpls]

Another bomb was just dropped on me this morning, shattering my life even further. Today right now I would drink the SN without a hesitation. I'm in that frame of mind right now, the perfect storm. Hell I'm almost ready to just hang myself and call it a day. I just don't won't to suffer like that. I can't wait for this stuff to arrive. I can't do this anymore.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm so sorry. Since we were already speaking a bit you can talk to me if you'd like if you think it'd make the wait easier. Otherwise is there anything you can do in the interim to cope with these feelings?

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand wanting to escape from all the suffering and I know that it's dreadful when things just get worse. Life is certainly cruel and I envy those who have left this world. I wish you peace and freedom.

 

[takemenowpls]

I'm so sorry. Since we were already speaking a bit you can talk to me if you'd like if you think it'd make the wait easier. Otherwise is there anything you can do in the interim to cope with these feelings?

Thank you so much for the offer. Honestly I'm still numb from what happened today. And it's causing me major anxiety. I just have to tell myself it will all be over soon. Get the rest of the stuff needed to ctb and go. Guess I just needed to vent but it won't change anything. Again thank you

 

[gimzero]

With moonlight is perfect and is period where most ctb happen.

 

[wljourney]

I am so sorry to hear things are just getting worse for you.

This week has been especially challenging for me as well and I share your wish to finally just go to sleep.
Unfortunately I can't go just yet and it's extremely painful having to "wait around".

Nobody can help with this either. It's a feeling we have to carry inside for a while longer. Sharing here helps to a certain extent and it's nice to know that someone is listening, believing and empathizing with our situation.
We can get through this. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Day by day.

Maybe you can find something that keeps your hands busy.
For me it was shredding old papers and documents. I think I ripped up 3 garbage bags of paper this week. Productive, yes. But also really helpful to distract and slightly calm me down just to get through one more day. And another. And another.

Soon.
We'll go soon.

 

[takemenowpls]

I am so sorry to hear things are just getting worse for you.

This week has been especially challenging for me as well and I share your wish to finally just go to sleep.
Unfortunately I can't go just yet and it's extremely painful having to "wait around".

Nobody can help with this either. It's a feeling we have to carry inside for a while longer. Sharing here helps to a certain extent and it's nice to know that someone is listening, believing and empathizing with our situation.
We can get through this. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Day by day.

Maybe you can find something that keeps your hands busy.
For me it was shredding old papers and documents. I think I ripped up 3 garbage bags of paper this week. Productive, yes. But also really helpful to distract and slightly calm me down just to get through one more day. And another. And another.

Soon.
We'll go soon.

Thank you for the kind words. It sounds like you truly understand my pain. I'm glad you are able to provide distraction for yourself to get through the days and nights. Me I'm crippled with this all. Unable to do anything other then stay in darkness. I don't think I can't busy myself at all. I just went into the garage to get a rope. Tied the perfect slipknot and tested it As per the guide. I have a large home with no one here but me. I'm not sure what's next.

 

[wljourney]

Thank you for the kind words. It sounds like you truly understand my pain. I'm glad you are able to provide distraction for yourself to get through the days and nights. Me I'm crippled with this all. Unable to do anything other then stay in darkness. I don't think I can't busy myself at all. I just went into the garage to get a rope. Tied the perfect slipknot and tested it As per the guide. I have a large home with no one here but me. I'm not sure what's next.

Yes I get that.
Most of the last week I have spent taking benzoes just to be able to make it through the day without shivering like a tree full of dry leaves.
No energy left.
Nothing but sitting here and waiting for the pain to end.
I haven't even been able to eat more than a slice of bread. Yesterday.
Today two plums. That's it. No energy to make a sandwich. To hold it. To bite it. To chew. To swallow.

Take your time with that rope.
Sit with it.
Examine it.
It's a method that works.
If you decide to use it, know that you may not be able to push yourself up and stop it.
And if you do stop half way, try not to feel guilty or bad about stopping yourself.

Sending hugs

 

[Sick&TiredURGH]

I understand OP, something major was dropped on me this week too

I've buried it not really discussed it with anyone but it's firmed my decision. Not thinking about it, around the edges slightly but not allowing it into my central focus.

I cant take anymore just hanging out until I've managed to get stuff semi sorted, updated will, clothes and books gone that kind of thing and then that's it for me. I am done.

 

[takemenowpls]

I will try to heed your words. Especially knowing you are going through exactly what I am. I'd like to consider you my friend if I could? I've just finished composing some goodbye notes and will print them now. Then I will do as you suggested. I will sit with things and see where it takes me. Looking at the partial hanging method.
I've just tested my setup. Knots hold tight both at the anchor point and the slipknot. Put my head in, tightened it up a bit and pushed down with the rope just above the Adam's apple. It worked, I found the spot. I was out within a few seconds. This method really does work. I just need to sit with it now….