The rejection and hurt I have experienced all my life has finally driven me to suicide

[FireFox]

All I wanted was to be loved by a man and be in a deeply loving relationship with him but all throughout my life men have rejected and hurt me it has finally driven me to suicide as I no longer cope anymore with the pain anymore. Before I was even born my own father didn't want me then I went through teenage years being constantly made fun of and humiliated by the boys at school whereas all the other girls at school the boys asked them out and gave them love. I fought back against the boys and girls who were bullying me and I got into regular of massive fights at school along with detentions. People at school thought I was werid and annoying because i always contributing to class discussions, quite outspoken and pretty much an outgoing person who liked talking to people. I struggled to fit in at school. I hated school because of the bullying.

When I was in sixth form( A levels in the UK starting aged 16 and ends at 18) I really liked this guy in the upper sixth ( final year) because he was really funny and just so interesting to be around. We talked to each other a lot in the sixth form common room during breaktimes and had fun. People in school noticed this. People in the school started to gossip about us then one day he stopped hanging out with me at school and i didn't understand why. He eventually became a total arsehole towards me and he didn't even care how upset he made me.

I thought he was different but it turned out he was like everyone else in the school who was thought I was the werid and he was embrassed be around me. He heard all the gossip about me. He humiliated me in front of the school. I NEVER got over the humiliation he put me through. I am confident woman bit it will never be enough.

In adulthood guys always reject or ignore me. I will always be the unwanted woman. I realised now I am was born to be rejected by men and that I am the unlovable. All I ever wanted was to be loved by a guy maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Turning 25 years old and seeing women my age group getting married in my family and those I know has finally broken me.

My life has been nothing but failure too.

 

[lessonlearned]

i can relate to this kinda. i thought she was different but she was just like everyone else...

 

[Superdeterminist]

I kinda wonder if you went to the same school as me...

 

[Cosmic dust]

I am not much older than you, but I noticed that as we get older, the veil of romance and fantasy starts to fade, we start to have a more raw view of relationships, they stop looking like the most important thing ever. We see a lot of people with relationships, but a good amount of them just sucks, people often disrespect their partners, mistreat their partners and cheat, some couples also just grow bored of each other.

In the other hand, the amount of time we have spent alone and in pain increases, we also lose the perspective of "I am young and just starting out, everything can happen", life just look more bland.

Anyway, still hurts a lot to have missed one of the most basic aspects of human life, especially when I see that most other people have it so easily.

What about other aspects of your life? Social life, family?

 

[8evergo]

All I wanted was to be loved by a man and be in a deeply loving relationship with him but all throughout my life men have rejected and hurt me it has finally driven me to suicide as I no longer cope anymore with the pain anymore. Before I was even born my own father didn't want me then I went through teenage years being constantly made fun of and humiliated by the boys at school whereas all the other girls at school the boys asked them out and gave them love. I fought back against the boys and girls who were bullying me and I got into regular of massive fights at school along with detentions. People at school thought I was werid and annoying because i always contributing to class discussions, quite outspoken and pretty much an outgoing person who liked talking to people. I struggled to fit in at school. I hated school because of the bullying.

When I was in sixth form( A levels in the UK starting aged 16 and ends at 18) I really liked this guy in the upper sixth ( final year) because he was really funny and just so interesting to be around. We talked to each other a lot in the sixth form common room during breaktimes and had fun. People in school noticed this. People in the school started to gossip about us then one day he stopped hanging out with me at school and i didn't understand why. He eventually became a total arsehole towards me and he didn't even care how upset he made me.

I thought he was different but it turned out he was like everyone else in the school who was thought I was the werid and he was embrassed be around me. He heard all the gossip about me. He humiliated me in front of the school. I NEVER got over the humiliation he put me through. I am confident woman bit it will never be enough.

In adulthood guys always reject or ignore me. I will always be the unwanted woman. I realised now I am was born to be rejected by men and that I am the unlovable. All I ever wanted was to be loved by a guy maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Turning 25 years old and seeing women my age group getting married in my family and those I know has finally broken me.

My life has been nothing but failure too.

I've learned to love only myself and i take what i want. Yes, I'm different from the others and nobody can be like me
i'm the best in the world and that's right too, i don't really care what other people think my play my laws
with love and respect to you

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I can relate, but in a little different time frame. High school was basically OK for me. I had friends and I had girlfriends. Actually, as far as girlfriends go, I was OK up until I reached about 30 years old, although my last relationship sucked really bad. I'm more than double your age (56) and a guy, but when I broke up with my fiance' at 30, that was the end for me. I didn't want it to be the end for me, it just worked out that way. The friends I had in high school just faded away over time. I've been pretty much alone for the past 26 or 27 years, except for family. Now, since ALL my family has passed away, I am 100% alone. I don't see myself growing old alone with absolutely no one, and that is one of my main reasons for needing to ctb, before things start to go downhill health-wise for me. I guess what I'm saying is not everyone finds someone. I never did. It sucks, no doubt. I never saw this coming in high school. I don't love myself and never have. I, too, feel I am a piece of shit and have nothing to offer anyone, so I just don't try. The other thing is, at my age, there aren't a lot of available women around. The ones that are around are like me, the ones that didn't get chosen, and that makes it a LOT harder to hook up with someone. When someone said life isn't fair, they certainly weren't kidding.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is such an unfair life and I'm sorry that you have suffered so much. I can imagine that it must have been painful experiencing all that rejection. To me people can be disappointing, cruel and unreliable. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your pain.

 

[FireFox]

I kinda wonder if you went to the same school as me...

@Hidden Base

Aww what happened?

i can relate to this kinda. i thought she was different but she was just like everyone else...

@lessonlearned The moment realise that the person you liked, loved is not who thought they were is the most disappointing feeling ever and that is the pain that is what hurts most. It feels is like yesterday you thought this person was absolutely amazing which is why you fell for them in the first place then the next day they just this stranger, the person you loved and thought was different is no longer there. They are just everyone else.

He humiliated me at school and I was upset and screamed at him, I screamed the school down as I was upset at what he did. After our argument the next daty he gave me the most disapproving glare and later on learnt from his friends he didn't care how upset he made me then I that when I slowly realised he was like everyone else in the school who was thought I was the werid crazy freak girl. That was my moment of realisation that the guy I loved is arsehole just like all the boys in school.

I've learned to love only myself and i take what i want. Yes, I'm different from the others and nobody can be like me
i'm the best in the world and that's right too, i don't really care what other people think my play my laws
with love and respect to you

@8evergo

You're awesome I absoultely love this post and your outlook :)

 

[lifeisbutadream]

It would be so great if two depressed people could meet here and fall in love here and leave here and live their lives together happily ever after!

 

[freedompass]

I'm 60 now, relationships have been either disappointing or worse, damaging and abusive, my whole adult life. I have zero desire to ever be intimate with anyone again. In that respect, older is better. My only child is currently estranged, sadly it may be better if he stays that way. I have a brother I'm not especially close to though we have started talking now that my mum requires care. She's 90. So there won't be much left, I suppose I'll be bereft when she goes but since I've never really suffered grief from anyone's passing I won't know till it happens. Sorry for veering off topic. Firefox, it makes sense that you would long to be loved and valued by a man since your 'dad' was apparently disinterested. The intense betrayal and disillusionment of your crush at school has clearly affected you a great deal. I hope you aren't done yet. As a kid I'd say to myself I would never have a bf, by choice. I only wish I could have had the strength and determination to follow through.

 

[Superdeterminist]

@Hidden Base

Aww what happened?

Nothing, I'm just curious

 

[Sadboyspecimen]

Same

 

[Againstthewind]

You have had bad experiences and that is understandably in the outlook you have towards relationships. That guy you mentioned sounds like a twat anyway, so he wasn't really worth the attention you were giving him. In sixth form, in high school, all these types of people are more interested in the social game, of how they look, how they are perceived and what there reputation is. They are protected by the educational bubble, but once they leave school, they get eaten up by the big wide game of the real world, social status can't protect you now. He was a child, immature, that would've been what you would have had to have dealt with in the future anyway. Wishing you peace.

 

[DarkNearDeath]

All I wanted was to be loved by a man and be in a deeply loving relationship with him but all throughout my life men have rejected and hurt me it has finally driven me to suicide as I no longer cope anymore with the pain anymore. Before I was even born my own father didn't want me then I went through teenage years being constantly made fun of and humiliated by the boys at school whereas all the other girls at school the boys asked them out and gave them love. I fought back against the boys and girls who were bullying me and I got into regular of massive fights at school along with detentions. People at school thought I was werid and annoying because i always contributing to class discussions, quite outspoken and pretty much an outgoing person who liked talking to people. I struggled to fit in at school. I hated school because of the bullying.

When I was in sixth form( A levels in the UK starting aged 16 and ends at 18) I really liked this guy in the upper sixth ( final year) because he was really funny and just so interesting to be around. We talked to each other a lot in the sixth form common room during breaktimes and had fun. People in school noticed this. People in the school started to gossip about us then one day he stopped hanging out with me at school and i didn't understand why. He eventually became a total arsehole towards me and he didn't even care how upset he made me.

I thought he was different but it turned out he was like everyone else in the school who was thought I was the werid and he was embrassed be around me. He heard all the gossip about me. He humiliated me in front of the school. I NEVER got over the humiliation he put me through. I am confident woman bit it will never be enough.

In adulthood guys always reject or ignore me. I will always be the unwanted woman. I realised now I am was born to be rejected by men and that I am the unlovable. All I ever wanted was to be loved by a guy maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Turning 25 years old and seeing women my age group getting married in my family and those I know has finally broken me.

My life has been nothing but failure too.

I'm single

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I wish there was something nice I could say to encourage u. I failed with men as well. I was able to get boyfriends but I was unable to form healthy relationships that endured. The only thing I could suggest to u is maybe to go to church, find different ones to go to. I just think your odds of meeting someone nice or who has capacity to love are better. There's unfortunately a lot of damaged pple out there, or they have never been taught how to treat others. Don't think of church as cheesy, also don't assume u have to be a believer to benefit from church. It's ok if u don't believe in God and still go.

 

[Julgran]

All I wanted was to be loved by a man and be in a deeply loving relationship with him but all throughout my life men have rejected and hurt me it has finally driven me to suicide as I no longer cope anymore with the pain anymore. Before I was even born my own father didn't want me then I went through teenage years being constantly made fun of and humiliated by the boys at school whereas all the other girls at school the boys asked them out and gave them love. I fought back against the boys and girls who were bullying me and I got into regular of massive fights at school along with detentions. People at school thought I was werid and annoying because i always contributing to class discussions, quite outspoken and pretty much an outgoing person who liked talking to people. I struggled to fit in at school. I hated school because of the bullying.

When I was in sixth form( A levels in the UK starting aged 16 and ends at 18) I really liked this guy in the upper sixth ( final year) because he was really funny and just so interesting to be around. We talked to each other a lot in the sixth form common room during breaktimes and had fun. People in school noticed this. People in the school started to gossip about us then one day he stopped hanging out with me at school and i didn't understand why. He eventually became a total arsehole towards me and he didn't even care how upset he made me.

I thought he was different but it turned out he was like everyone else in the school who was thought I was the werid and he was embrassed be around me. He heard all the gossip about me. He humiliated me in front of the school. I NEVER got over the humiliation he put me through. I am confident woman bit it will never be enough.

In adulthood guys always reject or ignore me. I will always be the unwanted woman. I realised now I am was born to be rejected by men and that I am the unlovable. All I ever wanted was to be loved by a guy maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Turning 25 years old and seeing women my age group getting married in my family and those I know has finally broken me.

My life has been nothing but failure too.

I'm sorry for your difficult dating experiences. This seems to become more of a problem as time goes by.

However, it's interesting that you mentioned that your father didn't want you. What makes you believe, or know, that?

 

[lifeisbutadream]

All I wanted was to be loved by a man and be in a deeply loving relationship with him but all throughout my life men have rejected and hurt me it has finally driven me to suicide as I no longer cope anymore with the pain anymore. Before I was even born my own father didn't want me then I went through teenage years being constantly made fun of and humiliated by the boys at school whereas all the other girls at school the boys asked them out and gave them love. I fought back against the boys and girls who were bullying me and I got into regular of massive fights at school along with detentions. People at school thought I was werid and annoying because i always contributing to class discussions, quite outspoken and pretty much an outgoing person who liked talking to people. I struggled to fit in at school. I hated school because of the bullying.

When I was in sixth form( A levels in the UK starting aged 16 and ends at 18) I really liked this guy in the upper sixth ( final year) because he was really funny and just so interesting to be around. We talked to each other a lot in the sixth form common room during breaktimes and had fun. People in school noticed this. People in the school started to gossip about us then one day he stopped hanging out with me at school and i didn't understand why. He eventually became a total arsehole towards me and he didn't even care how upset he made me.

I thought he was different but it turned out he was like everyone else in the school who was thought I was the werid and he was embrassed be around me. He heard all the gossip about me. He humiliated me in front of the school. I NEVER got over the humiliation he put me through. I am confident woman bit it will never be enough.

In adulthood guys always reject or ignore me. I will always be the unwanted woman. I realised now I am was born to be rejected by men and that I am the unlovable. All I ever wanted was to be loved by a guy maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Turning 25 years old and seeing women my age group getting married in my family and those I know has finally broken me.

My life has been nothing but failure too.

There's a boy out there who is meant for you, Firefox! Don't give up! 25 is the perfect age! If i wasn't a busted up old man I would love to meet a wild and crazy spirited firefox like you...and so would someone else!

 

[FireFox]

I'm 60 now, relationships have been either disappointing or worse, damaging and abusive, my whole adult life. I have zero desire to ever be intimate with anyone again. In that respect, older is better. My only child is currently estranged, sadly it may be better if he stays that way. I have a brother I'm not especially close to though we have started talking now that my mum requires care. She's 90. So there won't be much left, I suppose I'll be bereft when she goes but since I've never really suffered grief from anyone's passing I won't know till it happens. Sorry for veering off topic. Firefox, it makes sense that you would long to be loved and valued by a man since your 'dad' was apparently disinterested. The intense betrayal and disillusionment of your crush at school has clearly affected you a great deal. I hope you aren't done yet. As a kid I'd say to myself I would never have a bf, by choice. I only wish I could have had the strength and determination to follow through.

@freedompass

Virtual hug

You deserved so much better. I hope you find happiness and peace because you deserve it and so much for more :)

Love
FireFox

There's a boy out there who is meant for you, Firefox! Don't give up! 25 is the perfect age! If i wasn't a busted up old man I would love to meet a wild and crazy spirited firefox like you...and so would someone

@lifeisbutadream

If i wasn't a busted up old man I would love to meet a wild and crazy spirited firefox like you...and so would someone else!"

Aww I love this comment so much :)

I'm sorry for your difficult dating experiences. This seems to become more of a problem as time goes by.

However, it's interesting that you mentioned that your father didn't want you. What makes you believe, or know, that?

@Julgran

My father abandoned my mum when she was pregnant with me and started new life with a new woman who he had kids with. As I child I always wondered where my father was because I saw the other kids and my own friends have their fathers present in their lives. I spent my childhood accepting that I was never going to see my father and I believed he was far away somewhere.

My family never told me until I was teenager about who my father is. I learnt from family members that my father the entire time was living in the same city I live in and the neighbourhood he lived in was one bus ride away from where i live. My father eventually the United Kingdom a couple of years ago and went to a different country.

My father who I thought was far away was close to home the entire time . My family gave my father plenty of opportunities to see me but he just wasn't interested. When I was a child my dad's sister brought me gifts and came to the house to vist sometimes. My dad's sister felt sorry for me and other relatives did too as well.

The last time I heard from father was he phoned the house asking my mother for money and did not ask how I was doing, my mother even had to bring up the fact he didn't ask about me. I ended up hearing the phone conservation. I was only 15 years old.

 

[FireFox]

You have had bad experiences and that is understandably in the outlook you have towards relationships. That guy you mentioned sounds like a twat anyway, so he wasn't really worth the attention you were giving him. In sixth form, in high school, all these types of people are more interested in the social game, of how they look, how they are perceived and what there reputation is. They are protected by the educational bubble, but once they leave school, they get eaten up by the big wide game of the real world, social status can't protect you now. He was a child, immature, that would've been what you would have had to have dealt with in the future anyway. Wishing you peace.

@Againstthewind

Thanks

I was so confident as a teenager but the boys at school thought I was the werid girl. All the other girls at school had boyfriends, guys interested in them, nice to them and I just felt like the odd one out. I was the social outsider girl who really struggled to make friends and was builled a lot. I fought back against the builles, I got into regular fights at school along with detentions and school penalties. I answered questions in class correctly and contributed regularly to class discussions and was not shy in my expressing myself.

I really loved him because he was made me laugh, he was very smart, very handsome and just fun to be around. One day he just changed . We went from regularly hanging out with each other at school breaktimes to him always pushing me away from him and no longer interested in talking to me. I could not understand why he was doing this. When people in school started gossiping about our hanging out in break that's when he changed.

Then it began to show from his arsehole behaviour towards me he was just like everyone else in the school who thought I was the werid girl. It really hurt realising the guy I loved, admired was not all I thought he was. He was just a douchebag, an arsehole just like all the other boys in the school who made of fun me or ignored me. He knew how hurt I was he didn't care. My classmates were even laughing at the humiliation I received.

He ended up with a girl who was more prettier than me and was well liked in the school.

The men who have rejected me, humiliated me and hurt me throughout my life finally have driven me to suicide. I can no longer cope anymore with the pain anymore. There loads of reasons why I want to die but seeing all the women i grew up getting married or having serious relationships is just a painful reminder of how I was always that rejected girl at school while everyone else got in a relationship. I am 25 years old but I see feel like that rejected unpopular werid teenage girl.

 

[Againstthewind]

@Againstthewind

Thanks

I was so confident as a teenager but the boys at school thought I was the werid girl. All the other girls at school had boyfriends, guys interested in them, nice to them and I just felt like the odd one out. I was the social outsider girl who really struggled to make friends and was builled a lot. I fought back against the builles, I got into regular fights at school along with detentions and school penalties. I answered questions in class correctly and contributed regularly to class discussions and was not shy in my expressing myself.

I really loved him because he was made me laugh, he was very smart, very handsome and just fun to be around. One day he just changed . We went from regularly hanging out with each other at school breaktimes to him always pushing me away from him and no longer interested in talking to me. I could not understand why he was doing this. When people in school started gossiping about our hanging out in break that's when he changed.

Then it began to show from his arsehole behaviour towards me he was just like everyone else in the school who thought I was the werid girl. It really hurt realising the guy I loved, admired was not all I thought he was. He was just a douchebag, an arsehole just like all the other boys in the school who made of fun me or ignored me. He knew how hurt I was he didn't care. My classmates were even laughing at the humiliation I received.

He ended up with a girl who was more prettier than me and was well liked in the school.

The men who have rejected me, humiliated me and hurt me throughout my life finally have driven me to suicide. I can no longer cope anymore with the pain anymore. There loads of reasons why I want to die but seeing all the women i grew up getting married or having serious relationships is just a painful reminder of how I was always that rejected girl at school while everyone else got in a relationship. I am 25 years old but I see feel like that rejected unpopular werid teenage girl.

I understand where you are coming from, I'm in the same position in CTB for various reasons. You gotta remember that you are comparing yourself to others and the way there lives are, you have probably seen that from there social media posts, but social media is a screen people put up to show the way THEY want there lives to look. In an ideal world if social media recorded what really happened in your lives without your control, it would look a whole lot different.

They probably have there own problems, relationships, money, housing etc, are they good parents?, is the marriage successful?, (if they are still immature boys then probably not) Sixth Form was always some lame social test where everyone wanted to be liked and be seen as cool with wearing the best clothes and going to parties, which is probably what that guy was more concerned about, being liked by the majority of people, then actually following what he really wanted.
That's someone who doesn't have the strength to be him, he wasn't authentic enough and that probably bothered him too.

You were YOU, you didn't change, or try and fit in, like everyone else did, as you say, you contributed in class, you expressed yourself, you fought back, a coward wouldn't do that and that's not you.

You are NOT what you were in school, none of us were, there is certain things we can bring with us into life from childhood as we get older, we all do, its natural, but being an adult is so much different as you go through your 20's into 30's, you gotta let those memories be and then let them go, and start with a new perspective :)

 

[FireFox]

I understand where you are coming from, I'm in the same position in CTB for various reasons. You gotta remember that you are comparing yourself to others and the way there lives are, you have probably seen that from there social media posts, but social media is a screen people put up to show the way THEY want there lives to look. In an ideal world if social media recorded what really happened in your lives without your control, it would look a whole lot different.

They probably have there own problems, relationships, money, housing etc, are they good parents?, is the marriage successful?, (if they are still immature boys then probably not) Sixth Form was always some lame social test where everyone wanted to be liked and be seen as cool with wearing the best clothes and going to parties, which is probably what that guy was more concerned about, being liked by the majority of people, then actually following what he really wanted.
That's someone who doesn't have the strength to be him, he wasn't authentic enough and that probably bothered him too.

You were YOU, you didn't change, or try and fit in, like everyone else did, as you say, you contributed in class, you expressed yourself, you fought back, a coward wouldn't do that and that's not you.

You are NOT what you were in school, none of us were, there is certain things we can bring with us into life from childhood as we get older, we all do, its natural, but being an adult is so much different as you go through your 20's into 30's, you gotta let those memories be and then let them go, and start with a new perspective :)

@Againstthewind
The thing is in live in a suburb neighbourhood where people know each other and have close knit relationships. The people I went to school with live in the same neighbourhood as me and also some of them attend the same church as me too. This is how I see everyone is doing better than me.

I went to a Christmas party a while back and some of my old classmates were there. One of them is now a doctor another classmate went to Oxford University, got married and has a job at pr all at 25 years old and all other people have done cool things since leaving school. I know classmates that I bumped into tell me the things they have done since leaving school and it's pretty cool stuff. Last week I went to a restaurant and at the restaurant I saw the arsehole who used to bully me at school. He was with his girlfriend the same girl he was with since secondary school. They didn't see me.

Seeing the women I grew up with getting married or having a serious relationship is like everyone is doing so well and I am just a loser.

 

[Againstthewind]

@Againstthewind
The thing is in live in a suburb neighbourhood where people know each other and have close knit relationships. The people I went to school with live in the same neighbourhood as me and also some of them attend the same church as me too. This is how I see everyone is doing better than me.

I went to a Christmas party a while back and some of my old classmates were there. One of them is now a doctor another classmate went to Oxford University, got married and has a job at pr all at 25 years old and all other people have done cool things since leaving school. I know classmates that I bumped into tell me the things they have done since leaving school and it's pretty cool stuff. Last week I went to a restaurant and at the restaurant I saw the arsehole who used to bully me at school. He was with his girlfriend the same girl he was with since secondary school. They didn't see me.

Seeing the women I grew up with getting married or having a serious relationship is like everyone is doing so well and I am just a loser.

I dont say these things to have this weird pseudo positive outlook in life. What you have just said is exactly how I feel. My brother is very successful and has every accolade to his name, he is the 'perfect' son for any parent. And I am the complete opposite with more shame and failure to my name, with no accolades.
Do I compare us, not anymore because I think hes an asshole and fuck him. But yeah I did, you can't help not compare yourselves to others around you. But man, fuck em, who cares what the hell they do or did, its not your life and as we all know, no life is completely smooth, I bet all those people you just mentioned as much as they look great, they'll stumble upon some hard time themselves, its how they deal with it. lol I'm trying to be positive here, even though I relate to you. Sometimes being positive is hard because its draining when you just feel more negatives then positives.
All I'm trying to say is opportunities can come up at any second and our lives are never this perfect lane to success.
Yeah. some have to work hard then others, and some are un fair, but those that scratch there way to the top, gain the trait no one talks about and that is resilience and bouncing back from a setback some people wont know that ever.

 

[FireFox]

I dont say these things to have this weird pseudo positive outlook in life. What you have just said is exactly how I feel. My brother is very successful and has every accolade to his name, he is the 'perfect' son for any parent. And I am the complete opposite with more shame and failure to my name, with no accolades.
Do I compare us, not anymore because I think hes an asshole and fuck him. But yeah I did, you can't help not compare yourselves to others around you. But man, fuck em, who cares what the hell they do or did, its not your life and as we all know, no life is completely smooth, I bet all those people you just mentioned as much as they look great, they'll stumble upon some hard time themselves, its how they deal with it. lol I'm trying to be positive here, even though I relate to you. Sometimes being positive is hard because its draining when you just feel more negatives then positives.
All I'm trying to say is opportunities can come up at any second and our lives are never this perfect lane to success.
Yeah. some have to work hard then others, and some are un fair, but those that scratch there way to the top, gain the trait no one talks about and that is resilience and bouncing back from a setback some people wont know that ever.

@Againstthewind

Thanks for understanding. It is refreshing to meet someone who actually gets it. We live in a world of comparison and there is no escaping at all.

 

[Againstthewind]

My inbox is open to you ole pal, before I CTB.

 

[Siclop]

u dont need live in that ambient thats always push you to remember the past so prolly finding some new place maybe can be alot better, in my opinion you are being too hard on yourself, school is fully of retards thats not your fault, u only have 25 years old is insane normal not be married at that age u have alot of time to find some nice guy thats gonna love you

 

[FireFox]

u dont need live in that ambient thats always push you to remember the past so prolly finding some new place maybe can be alot better, in my opinion you are being too hard on yourself, school is fully of retards thats not your fault, u only have 25 years old is insane normal not be married at that age u have alot of time to find some nice guy thats gonna love you

@Siclop

As I grow older I now believe I was made to be rejected and unloved by men, i now believe i am cursed. Before I was born my own father didn't want me then all throughout school the boys rejected me while all the other girls got boyfriends and had guys interested in them. I was confident as a teenage girl but I was seen as the werid girl. In adulthood every guy I like doesn't even show an interest in me. It's always another woman that caught their eye. I am confident, sociable, passionate but nobody ever loves back.

I am 25 years old adult virgin and never had a boyfriend, I am not normal. Everyone else has love as a teenager except me. I can not cope anymore. Its actually embrassing and feel like a freak.

 

[chocolatebar]

All I wanted was to be loved by a man and be in a deeply loving relationship with him but all throughout my life men have rejected and hurt me it has finally driven me to suicide as I no longer cope anymore with the pain anymore. Before I was even born my own father didn't want me then I went through teenage years being constantly made fun of and humiliated by the boys at school whereas all the other girls at school the boys asked them out and gave them love. I fought back against the boys and girls who were bullying me and I got into regular of massive fights at school along with detentions. People at school thought I was werid and annoying because i always contributing to class discussions, quite outspoken and pretty much an outgoing person who liked talking to people. I struggled to fit in at school. I hated school because of the bullying.

When I was in sixth form( A levels in the UK starting aged 16 and ends at 18) I really liked this guy in the upper sixth ( final year) because he was really funny and just so interesting to be around. We talked to each other a lot in the sixth form common room during breaktimes and had fun. People in school noticed this. People in the school started to gossip about us then one day he stopped hanging out with me at school and i didn't understand why. He eventually became a total arsehole towards me and he didn't even care how upset he made me.

I thought he was different but it turned out he was like everyone else in the school who was thought I was the werid and he was embrassed be around me. He heard all the gossip about me. He humiliated me in front of the school. I NEVER got over the humiliation he put me through. I am confident woman bit it will never be enough.

In adulthood guys always reject or ignore me. I will always be the unwanted woman. I realised now I am was born to be rejected by men and that I am the unlovable. All I ever wanted was to be loved by a guy maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Turning 25 years old and seeing women my age group getting married in my family and those I know has finally broken me.

My life has been nothing but failure too.

Sometimes I want to tell you some things, but I fear not expressing my thoughts properly and being misinterpreted, but I will try throwing out a bit this time.

You''re a really lovable person. Someone I would only want to be around and get closer. When you talk bout your lack of experiences, I can only think about trauma, family issues and other things like that. Now that you describe this episode, I think I can get a clear picture of what happened...

I can relate a lot to your situation and it took me a lot of time to realize what happened to me. There was nothing wrong with me at all.

Don't you want to explore these things and find out what happened to your life? You can still live something and you're still young to do things in a youngish way. You can start out with this fact. You're a really lovable person. Now, go back and remember some key events from that perspective, looking for what barriers prevented your desired outcome to become true.

It's a really difficult thing to do and can hurt a lot, but it can make things less painful in the long run. A good (emphasis in the word "good") therapist can also help you explore all this.

And if you want to talk to me, remember, you can always message me,

 

[Funeralprincess]

@Siclop

As I grow older I now believe I was made to be rejected and unloved by men, i now believe i am cursed. Before I was born my own father didn't want me then all throughout school the boys rejected me while all the other girls got boyfriends and had guys interested in them. I was confident as a teenage girl but I was seen as the werid girl. In adulthood every guy I like doesn't even show an interest in me. It's always another woman that caught their eye. I am confident, sociable, passionate but nobody ever loves back.

I am 25 years old adult virgin and never had a boyfriend, I am not normal. Everyone else has love as a teenager except me. I can not cope anymore. Its actually embrassing and feel like a freak.

At least you haven't experienced true love then lost it. That would honestly make you worse off. I had relationships, but most of them were guys just feeling bad for me. The one love of my life checked all my boxes, but then discarded me when I developed bipolar. Four years later, and I'm unable to move on and process the idea of love. Everyone keeps saying it gets better… it actually doesn't lol.
He became pretty verbally rude to me and played mind games with me…. I'm now feeling that guys will either ask me out as a joke (because that's happened) or any nice things they do for me is just to boos their own ego and that they don't really like me because I'm mentally ill.
I'm stuck being in love with a man who abandoned me and years of therapy hasn't helped. He will find a prettier more normal girl to love as I sick here and continue to break. He is a huge reason for my suicide because of what he was to me and when he arrived in my life. It is better that you haven't had true love because I fear if you lost it, you'd end up like me and I'd never want that pain to be something you experience :(
Losing good love because of your mental issues when that person promised to never judge your mental illness is a great one way ticket to the grave yard. It's something most sick people cannot handle and I'm happy you haven't put yourself in a position to experience that risk :(

 

[Unworthyoflove]

I can very much relate to what firefox says here. especially about being cursed to be single and rejected. had the same story of bullies and fights in school. first bf came when I was 30. it wasnt really romantic love and I wasnt so attracted to him...was just desperate to know how a relationship feels. so he was my first and last bf. Once I was told that I have a soul imprint of an abandondment issue. in other words everyone will always abandone me...parents, friends, men... and this is what happens throughout my whole life. no matter how nice, caring and loving I am, people cant love me for who I am and feel always unconfortable around me. So ctb is my only way out of this isolated nightmare that I call my life. dont know if that helps, but being only in ones twenties it is not so unusual to be a virgin or single. I know of quite some young women who started their dating lifes in their late twenties. so maybe there is a chance to still get lucky. but once being older than 40 its a different thing. men really need their woman to be young and beautiful. not neccesarily for a ons, but certainly for a relationship. the good thing is, once being a old woman you can go naked in the sauna or swim in a lake, because nobody will look at you anymore....so basically bodyshaming is over then ;) I am glad I did this before my ctb plans , it was a great experience to swim naked :)