bl33ding_heart
Borderline
- Jun 24, 2025
- 184
I have bpd and due to my bpd I experience something called an fp (favourite person), which is when I get unhealthily attached and obsessed with someone. To the point of complete emotional dependence on them. It is one of the worst things anyone can experience. You have no control over who your fp is, so they could turn out to be some terrible or cunningly evil person and there would be absolutely nothing you could do about that. Or they could just be someone that doesn't have any romantic feelings for you at all, which is most of the time the case for me. And the case for most people I assume. Which feels heartbreaking and hurts like hell. Whenever I have an fp which is almost always, I think about them almost all day and can't focus on things like studying. And I find it difficult to actually get things done due to how much they occupy my mind. I want constant attention and reassurance from them which they obviously can't give because they are a person with their own life and things to do besides talking to me. And it hurts so much. I don't expect them to be some emotional support robot catering to me all the time. But I would just like at least the slightest bit of validation from them to ease the hollowness and pain within my heart that I feel without them. The situation with my current fp is sort of confusing. I genuinely have no idea if they just straight up don't care about me at all. Or if they're just an avoidant and lack the ability to properly convey their thoughts and feelings to me. It feels like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around them, and having to be careful while also dealing with my intense love and attachment to them feels horrible. I just wish I never had bpd and I never started getting so unhealthily attached to people to begin with. But alas, there is little to nothing I can truly do about it..
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