Sometimes we just need to put our thoughts out there.
Those who cared for me are going to hate this day. I've pushed them away already, haven't spoken to any of them in months, my immediate family has been a couple years. So I hope it hurts them less than it would have otherwise. If it does soften the blow, I know it won't be by much, but one can still hope. They don't deserve this pain.
I've felt like this for almost 2 decades, since I was 13, and I've snapped hopefully for the last time. The medications only made me feel numb. Numb isn't something I can handle. I can't just exist, I need some sort of joy. The medications don't allow that. I didn't do enough with therapy, and that is my own fault and I know it. The truth is, I just don't WANT to change. I don't want to be this "better" version of myself.
I've enjoyed many things over these years, I'm glad to have known the people that I did and to have been apart of significant moments in their lives.
LIving just isn't for me.
I hope that many of you who feel the same don't choose the path I have. But it's my choice, and to go on being miserable 95 percent of the time for another 30+ years just sounds exhausting. Faking smiles and happiness sounds torturous.
I hope the best for all of you.
May this be my final attempt.
Those who cared for me are going to hate this day. I've pushed them away already, haven't spoken to any of them in months, my immediate family has been a couple years. So I hope it hurts them less than it would have otherwise. If it does soften the blow, I know it won't be by much, but one can still hope. They don't deserve this pain.
I've felt like this for almost 2 decades, since I was 13, and I've snapped hopefully for the last time. The medications only made me feel numb. Numb isn't something I can handle. I can't just exist, I need some sort of joy. The medications don't allow that. I didn't do enough with therapy, and that is my own fault and I know it. The truth is, I just don't WANT to change. I don't want to be this "better" version of myself.
I've enjoyed many things over these years, I'm glad to have known the people that I did and to have been apart of significant moments in their lives.
LIving just isn't for me.
I hope that many of you who feel the same don't choose the path I have. But it's my choice, and to go on being miserable 95 percent of the time for another 30+ years just sounds exhausting. Faking smiles and happiness sounds torturous.
I hope the best for all of you.
May this be my final attempt.
