Venting The push i needed for suicide

[Oblivion]

i've been talking to this hot girl for over a month on FB and whatsapp, she's super hot, we have the same mentality, we are both nihilist and share the same taste in food,music etc.. went out 3 days ago on date with her, it appeared that she's not hot, she's a FUCKING GODDESS, the pictures are not fair to her, she's the most beautiful girl i've ever seen, she recently got this short haircut, i usually hate shot hair but she's looking fucking gorgeous in it, she's tall, smoking body, i felt for the first time in more than 12 years nervous to the point where my hands started shaking, in the cinema my heart was beating next to her and i really wanted to touch her hand, but i knew that's not my place.

sure she kept talking to me, but the second day she started taking more and more time to reply and now she's not talking to me anymore, i knew this will happen and the reason i went there was to get this final push towards suicide since i'm unable to feel bad enough to do it, now i do, i won't lie, i had a 0.000001% hope that i would be with her, but how the fuck can a bald fat ugly piece of shit get a girl like her, it wouldn't even feel right, me being with someone so fucking beautiful.

atleast i'd get to die after having a date with a super goddess, a girl, a woman that felt like the hottest thing my life ever, and i got to kiss her cheek, so that's something.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Being with a hot girl might not be as great as you think, unless all you want is sex. Besides, it's nearly impossible for an ugly woman to get with a hot man or a rich man...or any man. A sick woman (like myself) can't get with a healthy man. It's just the way the world works. Sometimes you have to adjust your expectations. There is probably someone out there for you.

 

[Oblivion]

Being with a hot girl might not be as great as you think, unless all you want is sex. Besides, it's nearly impossible for an ugly woman to get with a hot man or a rich man...or any man. A sick woman (like myself) can't get with a healthy man. It's just the way the world works. Sometimes you have to adjust your expectations. There is probably someone out there for you.

yeh the one's out there for me are girls im not interested in, never been interested in.
and there's no hope for me, i'm broke anyway, i wanted a push for suicide, and she gave me a huge push and im thankful for that