In college it does not work because I am not that smart. I feel like an imposter all the fucking time. Because I am an imposter.
When I did not attend college I simply had my self-help group and talking to my friends/talking to women from dating apps. And it was so easy to be perceived as smart. In German I know many technical terms, I am good at making witty jokes and I am deep as fuck. Moreover, I am really eloquent. But shit I am not that smart. Certainly not in my sociological and political analyses. I was good at school because I worked my ass off. But for college I am slightly above average. However, I might have one of the best GPA in the subject I study. But this is not earned because I only study part-time and put more work into than all fulltime students together. (I think only mentioned that to maintain some form of dignity. Maybe he just pretends he was a fraud.) I have severe OCD and I cannot stop myself. I also notice how stressed out I am. I really struggle to give me breaks. With my first therapist we had strict work times and I simply do not abide by it anymore. I just can't. There is a magical force. I am so fucking anxious when I am not doing something for college. I cannot think of someting else. And it is pure poison for my mental health. Again I have to vent walls of texts on this suicide forum how bad I feel. All the time I want to kill myself. I think about past events in college that triggered me and made me paranoid. And I re-live most of them on a daily basis.
Fuck the bullies. Fuck my mom who beated the shit out of me. I am a prisoner of this.
Here is sums up my issues quite well.
educationaltechnologyjournal.springeropen.com
When I did not attend college I simply had my self-help group and talking to my friends/talking to women from dating apps. And it was so easy to be perceived as smart. In German I know many technical terms, I am good at making witty jokes and I am deep as fuck. Moreover, I am really eloquent. But shit I am not that smart. Certainly not in my sociological and political analyses. I was good at school because I worked my ass off. But for college I am slightly above average. However, I might have one of the best GPA in the subject I study. But this is not earned because I only study part-time and put more work into than all fulltime students together. (I think only mentioned that to maintain some form of dignity. Maybe he just pretends he was a fraud.) I have severe OCD and I cannot stop myself. I also notice how stressed out I am. I really struggle to give me breaks. With my first therapist we had strict work times and I simply do not abide by it anymore. I just can't. There is a magical force. I am so fucking anxious when I am not doing something for college. I cannot think of someting else. And it is pure poison for my mental health. Again I have to vent walls of texts on this suicide forum how bad I feel. All the time I want to kill myself. I think about past events in college that triggered me and made me paranoid. And I re-live most of them on a daily basis.
Fuck the bullies. Fuck my mom who beated the shit out of me. I am a prisoner of this.
Here is sums up my issues quite well.
Do you have AI dependency? The roles of academic self-efficacy, academic stress, and performance expectations on problematic AI usage behavior - International Journal of Educational Technology in Higher Education
Although previous studies have highlighted the problematic artificial intelligence (AI) usage behaviors in educational contexts, such as overreliance on AI, no study has explored the antecedents and potential consequences that contribute to this problem. Therefore, this study investigates the...
educationaltechnologyjournal.springeropen.com
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