Venting The paradox of being trans

[Good night]

I'm a trans woman and I've been on HRT for several years now. Even so, I think I'm quite intolerant, not exactly being the poster child for femininity. I've taken to installing a couple of apps to meet people, but... I find it really hard. I've even been on a video call with another trans woman, but I just wasn't attracted to her enough. I don't know, I feel bad for her because she seems very accepting, but it's like I can't be that way anymore. I feel pretty bad about myself because of this, because it's like I'm rejecting myself at the same time. How can one work on their prejudices?

I don't know exactly where to post this, so I apologize in advance if it's the wrong section. But the truth is that being this way disgusts me and I have suicidal thoughts because of it.

 

[hotelandrea]

(let me preface this by saying i am ftm, have been on HRT for seven years and have had top surgery) i completely get this. there is so much hype surrounding t4t and how meaningful those relationships can be, but no matter how many other trans men i interact with, i've never found myself attracted to them. it makes me feel terrible and prejudiced. then, i spiral thinking about if people are feeling that way towards ME as well.

i truly don't know how to work on these prejudiced feelings, but just know you're not alone.

 

[Dejected 55]

I can't really help how you're feeling... but maybe it helps to know that you're only human. Being trans doesn't wipe away all the rest of how attraction works in your brain.

Cis people like me are always wrestling with being attracted to people we think are too pretty/handsome for us OR the reverse of that, wondering if we rejected someone for looks who was willing to accept us the way we look when we have a low self-esteem problem.

From the way your post reads, it sounds like you're just a normal human being with normal thoughts and normal self-doubts. I don't think you have to at all entwine that with being trans. It's two different things.

Randomly... I've known several trans people from mtf and ftm and at least one non-binary. A couple of the mtf trans people I knew were still attracted to the same people (in this case women) as they were before they began to transition... so, effectively, they went from being cis heterosexual to trans homosexual. One of them I knew better than the other, and I think she wrestled with that in her brain. Like, when she began the transition to female was she supposed to start liking men now? Is that what it "automatically" meant? Even if she felt no such attraction... Were people going to doubt her transition because she still liked women? It is a lot to wrestle with and I don't envy anyone working through all that on top of everything else this crazy world throws at you.

 

[Whenhewhenyeah]

I do not like this aspect of human nature as well, us being so superficial and putting such great emphasis on looks.

 

[kufajoy]

I'm trans woman as well. Kindda similar thoughts

 

[Good night]

(let me preface this by saying i am ftm, have been on HRT for seven years and have had top surgery) i completely get this. there is so much hype surrounding t4t and how meaningful those relationships can be, but no matter how many other trans men i interact with, i've never found myself attracted to them. it makes me feel terrible and prejudiced. then, i spiral thinking about if people are feeling that way towards ME as well.

i truly don't know how to work on these prejudiced feelings, but just know you're not alone.

Gosh, thank you so much for your reply, even if we do not know what the hell to do, but knowing you are not alone is a warm feeling.