Venting The pain of losing friends

[terra.nuvo]

I just got off the phone with my friend who is still friends with a friend group I had before. He told me about how he recently hung out with that group again and it made me sad. It made me feel so worthless. They all hung out without me. I mean I know I pushed them away by not talking to them for a while but it still hurts that life goes on even when depression makes your life stop. They've forgotten about me. They've moved on, but I never seem to be able to. It makes me think about how I have so few friends these days because of my depression making me want to isolate and my anxiety making me fear being around people. But no one cares that depression and anxiety kept me away from them. All they see is an erratic, elusive person who doesn't want to be bothered with them. It hurts so much that we used to be so close yet now they don't even think about me; and when they do, all they think about is the negative aspects of who I was. It's like they've forgotten all the good that used to be a part of me too. It hurts so bad that it makes me no longer want to exist. I just wish I could go back and wake myself up from the depression, but that's now how time or depression works. I can't go back and I can't just wake myself up from it. Sometimes I feel like I can but then it always comes back to me. I really hate this life that I've forced myself into.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I just got off the phone with my friend who is still friends with a friend group I had before. He told me about how he recently hung out with that group again and it made me sad. It made me feel so worthless. They all hung out without me. I mean I know I pushed them away by not talking to them for a while but it still hurts that life goes on even when depression makes your life stop. They've forgotten about me. They've moved on, but I never seem to be able to. It makes me think about how I have so few friends these days because of my depression making me want to isolate and my anxiety making me fear being around people. But no one cares that depression and anxiety kept me away from them. All they see is an erratic, elusive person who doesn't want to be bothered with them. It hurts so much that we used to be so close yet now they don't even think about me; and when they do, all they think about is the negative aspects of who I was. It's like they've forgotten all the good that used to be a part of me too. It hurts so bad that it makes me no longer want to exist. I just wish I could go back and wake myself up from the depression, but that's now how time or depression works. I can't go back and I can't just wake myself up from it. Sometimes I feel like I can but then it always comes back to me. I really hate this life that I've forced myself into.

It's really fucking odd - when your dog gets sick you try everything - pills, swimming help for
Joints, vets, etc. however with people - it's ONLY when things are "fine". Or what society says is fine. As soon as you get depressed or have financial troubles (again due to OTHER people and outside factors that you CANNOT control) you are fucked. They either leave or do like you said - try but they don't get it.

It's so bad but they basically need to feel what it's like in order to understand. E.g : be in financial despair and then see how it makes them feel and react. That's how backwards everything is.

 

[Young.Werther]

It hurts so bad that it makes me no longer want to exist. I just wish I could go back and wake myself up from the depression, but that's now how time or depression works. I can't go back and I can't just wake myself up from it. Sometimes I feel like I can but then it always comes back to me. I really hate this life that I've forced myself into.

Have you tried recovery? It sounds like it might be worth a shot for you. You don't have to of course, but I think it's worth trying and if it doesn't work it doesn't work (and if it does then you find some peace and that's always nice). Good luck either way