Help The one thing that never changes.

[Square251]

What do you do when no matter how many things you change, how much better you get, there's still one thing that hurts just the same? It never gets better, it never gets easier. The same thing hits like a truck every time just like it did the first time it ever happened and all it takes to he triggered can be something as simple as just a text message. How do I deal with that? How do I keep going when anything I build is immediately demolished by something that's always there?

In my case, this thing is my insecurity about relationships and how I'm unlovable by everyone. Discussing the insecurity specifically doesn't matter since nothing ever changes the fact, but how do I keep going while living with it?

 

[Marine]

What do you do when no matter how many things you change, how much better you get, there's still one thing that hurts just the same? It never gets better, it never gets easier. The same thing hits like a truck every time just like it did the first time it ever happened and all it takes to he triggered can be something as simple as just a text message. How do I deal with that? How do I keep going when anything I build is immediately demolished by something that's always there?

In my case, this thing is my insecurity about relationships and how I'm unlovable by everyone. Discussing the insecurity specifically doesn't matter since nothing ever changes the fact, but how do I keep going while living with it?

I think what this is is the body's score keeping, aka trauma's damage of the nervous system that can only be healed by loving relationships yet precisely repels that in our case. No amount of psychological work on oneself seems to change that because it's lodged directly in the body and disconnected from the conscious mind so it requires real healing social experiences to change its energy. There has to be a way to open the door to love and relationships somehow and that's what I'm currently looking for. Since it's impossible to survive without love and bonds as mammalians, and we're not dead yet, there must be something to do to shift this dynamic. Some people find that in therapy apparently but I've seen more the opposite occur than anything personally so I'm looking for a place where I could have safe social interactions for starters while being aware of that issue (and of other people's flaws) and doing everything I can to be gentle and caring with myself, reconnecting as much as possible and doing research on the subject.

If you don't know where to begin I would suggest doing whatever makes you feel better, more connected to yourself and more hopeful of connecting with others and do research on the subject as well. Sharing our findings might be helpful as well. I wish you the best of luck getting out that hellish desert as well.