BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
Good for you!@BlueWidow my hand's raised
I'm happy you can get a good night's sleep @Squiddy. You've had a long tough week.
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Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Matter of fact, I think I'm gonna go to sleep now as I'm getting a little tired. Hopefully, I don't wake up to throw up. Skipping meds tonight too.
departing
Enlightened
- Jul 5, 2019
- 1,502
Good night........ I hope you feel better and stop throwing up.
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
BooGirl
Warlock
- Jan 10, 2020
- 754
Comparatively lucky bastards gang
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Night 5. I'm going to be sooooo happy tomorrow. Back to bed
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
I generally go in cycles, so I seem to be in my insomniac cycle right now. And I have to say it's wearing its welcome out. I'd really love to go back into the cycle where I sleep 20 hours a day. I'd be perfectly fine with that.
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
Get on it, Stan! Sleep for @Jean4!!! Top Priority!!!! Even more important than popcorn!!
LegaliseIt!
Elementalist
- Nov 29, 2019
- 808
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
Going to bed soon. Goodnight everyone. I hope everyone sleeps well tonight.
I hope you can make it through the night without getting sick @Squiddy.
I hope you can make it through the night without getting sick @Squiddy.
cosmicpixiedust
Pixie
- Jun 5, 2019
- 972
I'm out at a bar with my friend which is great, it's what I've wanted to do all week. However, my crush came by and I was killing it conversation wise when I had to go back for just one last interaction, I made it super awkward and he walked away (nicely but still). Ugh. I can't win. Lol
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
omg... I swear I'm not even getting notifications of new posts, not just not red marks of 1 new posts, but nothing at all ugh...
cosmicpixiedust
Pixie
- Jun 5, 2019
- 972
@Carina Same! I mean I'm at the bar trying to be social, but I still miss you guys! It's my first day off in a month. Minus sick days that don't count cause sickness.
oof, i suddenly feel afraid of dying. it's always there in the background, but it's very center stage right now....
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
It is kind of permanent really. kind of always just out of sight of the corner of your eye, never quite visible. Then in an instant BAM right in front of you. Normally little time to prepare, no time to know what to do, or think, or do anything, with seconds to decide what really matters before you may no longer exist. But then if you can plan, it's just a thought that's in the back, like the next stage in a play where the crew gets the items ready for the pushing of the set onto stage... all while you're acting out the current role you and others expect of the play of your life, everything waiting for the next part....
Then... you know... the words, the time... it's near, it's coming, the music and sequence of lights, everything is moving toward the next set where the death act is coming... and you know it's coming, but unlike other parts, you're the lead actor, and director, and producer. You can yell cut, or keep on going.
It makes it so much more difficult in ways to know exactly what to do at times... maybe it's the survival instinct? or just fears of not knowing what will happen, how things will play out after it starts to play out... who knows....
maybe I'm just really out of it... feel free to ignore me. Fell free to talk though :)
i think im going to try and sleep it off, but thanks for offering :)
goodnight yall
"it's just the brain going through what it thinks it needs to go through"
my sleep meds just make me hungry, and not sleepy. i didn't sign up for this.
goodnight yall
"it's just the brain going through what it thinks it needs to go through"
my sleep meds just make me hungry, and not sleepy. i didn't sign up for this.
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cosmicpixiedust
Pixie
- Jun 5, 2019
- 972
I guess I'm drunk enough to ask him out again. I am really conflicted. He is someone who might be good for me but I also don't want to subject him to my mental health issues. He knows that I am suicidal, he even asked how I was doing, but I'm just not sure. Why does real life have to be so complicated? Ugh.
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
It would be nice if it were clear... being drunk doesn't help with being clear either lol
I'm kinda out of it, so not too useful for things right now myself... maybe give your number and see?
or not... who knows... like I don't know... I've sucked at relationship things like always... probably best to not listen to me on this lol
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
Me too. Or it will say there's maybe a couple of posts and then I'll see several posts from people all the way down the page that I haven't been notified of yet.
cosmicpixiedust
Pixie
- Jun 5, 2019
- 972
I don't even know man, he's hitting on me because we're both drunk. I don't know if I want that. I may ask him on the date again but oI don't know if that's worth it. TMI but my friend I came out with wants a threesome. That makes me nervous, I am inferior
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
I hate it when that happens. As you know, I've been all over the place for the last few days. Sometimes I'm ready to do it immediately. Sometimes I'm anxious about it or worried that I'm going to get found.
I guess all that really matters is those few moments when it really counts, but it's still annoying.
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
Ok going to try to sleep...mainly as have a headache comingon. Hope all trying to sleep can sleep!
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
Just woke up to turn around so I can lie back down on my other side and, of course, I got on this website and started looking around and reading posts and stuff. Going back to bed now. Sleep well @Carina.
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
hey how do I add a cover photo here - https://sanctioned-suicide.net/coverphoto/
@Brick In The Wall
@Brick In The Wall
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MysticPerception
I'm back and I'll still smile for you
- Dec 31, 2019
- 1,252
I'm home. I brought no food and instead more misery. Well no I'm okay now but still. I was seriously planning ctbing tomorrow(I might still do it) but my prep time got destroyed by my friend I drove home not knowing when to stop talking. Anyway, I need out now. I guess I feel okay compared to earlier when I was freaking out because I jinxed myself or something and now my job is way harder and worse for no reason. It seems to manage to do this every few months without fail throwing in some new stupid curve ball that makes no sense and makes things more complicated than they need to be and more frustrating overall. I am caught in a bind of my own making. I work two days after my day off tomorrow, I know that's nothing but those changes made are going to drive me insane, I can't handle it. I can't quit because that would be suspicious and I would be pretty much under watch until I get a new job so ctbing would be harder then and I can't deal with getting another job I just can't do it. I can't call out either as that's suspicious too and if I'm going to be stuck alive another week I need the money to pay rent. I hate this. I really want to carry out my plans I made for tomorrow but I doubt I can pull it off as it's much harder than just doing it in my home like I originally planned. Anyway /rant over.
TL;DR My job is stupid and got worse for no reason like usual and I want to ctb tomorrow but I doubt I can.
Nope okay I'm about as stupid as I thought I was. All it takes is two seconds of looking into it to realize I can't just pull this off on the fly. Maybe I could just park my car somewhere inconspicuous long enough for no one to notice me or bother my car for four hours. Doubt I could pull that off. If only my sister wasn't here. I hate feeling so trapped like this.
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That is insane. Makes me really angry. "You have to choose what we want you to or we'll force you anyway." They don't even have the courage to force you they want you to do it yourself so they can say it was your choice. They've tried that on me and I got out of it.
