The Official 2020 Everything But The Kitchen Sink Post

[Squiddy]

That's a good idea, I never thought of that.

Night love!

Night :)

 

[Carina]

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182 posts from pink @BlueWidow

 

[Squiddy]

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182 posts from pink @BlueWidow

You can do it @BlueWidow :)

 

[Carina]

Haha yeah. Alright, I'm going to bed

night squiddy

 

[Squiddy]

night squiddy

Night

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

 

[BlueWidow]

Haha yeah. Alright, I'm going to bed

Night @Squiddy. Sleep well.

View attachment 26201

 

[Squiddy]

Night @Squiddy. Sleep well.

Thanks :)

 

[BlueWidow]

I have The Beatles "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" stuck in my head for some reason.

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

I have The Beatles "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" stuck in my head for some reason.

That's a great song!

 

[Carina]

well I had better go to bed now otherwise I may never get to sleep and that'd be bad on a worknight!

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

well I had better go to bed now otherwise I may never get to sleep and that'd be bad on a worknight!

Have a good night and sweet dreams!

 

[BlueWidow]

well I had better go to bed now otherwise I may never get to sleep and that'd be bad on a worknight!

Okay, sleep well. We'll keep looking out for that meteor for @Squiddy.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

I have The Beatles "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" stuck in my head for some reason.

Love it. My favourite beatles song is "Don't Let Me Down" with Billy Preston on keyboard. Have that stuck in my head all the time.

 

[BlueWidow]

_____________________________

So, is @Brick In The Wall working again tonight or does anybody know?

I can't drink alone people, that's not a good idea! Even though George Thorogood seemed to think it was a good idea.
__________________________________________

Love it. My favourite beatles song is "Don't Let Me Down" with Billy Preston on keyboard. Have that stuck in my head all the time.

That's a good one too. I love Billy Preston.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

Pics!

I forgot my #%^* phone, so no pics.

Love it. My favourite beatles song is "Don't Let Me Down" with Billy Preston on keyboard. Have that stuck in my head all the time.

I like "here comes the sun" and "fixing a hole"
Sorry about the lack of caps. I'm tired and my hands hurt.
Our friends were asking me about fibromyalgia and I gave them a short version. I watched my husband while I was talking, and he was all but rolling his eyes during the 30 seconds that I was talking. It was an eye opener for me. He's exhausted, and doesn't really believe how limiting FM is. He obviously thinks that I am exaggerating for attention. I guess his kindness has its limits.

 

[BlueWidow]

 

[Jean4]

Can't sleep. Back to bed

 

[BlueWidow]

Can't sleep. Back to bed

I just asked Stan to help you sleep in the other thread!

 

[Backwood_tilt]

Took higher dose of sleep meds. Let's hope this works.

Then I can be up an early to get my nitrogen tank ordered.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

Goodnight Sinksters!

 

[Lady Lazarus 2020]

:) to be honest i am also pretty new here, but everyone in this thread seems nice. i'll ask people questions about themselves and they're usually very open and friendly.

Which brings me to my next point - what brings you to SS? what else can you tell us about yourself.

a fellow newbie! hmmm. well i'm 38. in the us. south to be specific.

i came here because im literally over it. the past 5 years have been horrible. started with losing my mother and best friend, then good job, condo, car, financial stability, a lil trauma here a little more trauma there and then....viola! my mood latent disorder went into full swing. that ruined or really hurt my close personal relationships so anyway...

i have been doing ctb research on and off for years but really been feeling more serious about it the past 6 months or so. i somehow stumbled into this forum last week and im so glad that i did. i feel like im a prisoner to life and my mood disorder and i want out.

your turn! :-)

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

@Lady Lazarus 2020 another southerner! Hi! Welcome to the forum! I'm glad that you have found this place, it can really help. I'm sorry to hear about your mother and best friend, and the trauma that ensued afterwards. If you ever want to talk, my PMs are always open!

 

[Lady Lazarus 2020]

thank you so much for reaching out and for your kind words. i absolutely will pm you tomorrow. thanks for the offer.

in the meantime...what brought you here?

 

[BlueWidow]

a fellow newbie! hmmm. well i'm 38. in the us. south to be specific.

i came here because im literally over it. the past 5 years have been horrible. started with losing my mother and best friend, then good job, condo, car, financial stability, a lil trauma here a little more trauma there and then....viola! my mood latent disorder went into full swing. that ruined or really hurt my close personal relationships so anyway...

i have been doing ctb research on and off for years but really been feeling more serious about it the past 6 months or so. i somehow stumbled into this forum last week and im so glad that i did. i feel like im a prisoner to life and my mood disorder and i want out.

your turn! :-)

Hello @Lady Lazarus 2020,

I am @BlueWidow. I've been here since October. I've been depressed for most of my life and I've spent a lot of that time attempting to get help for my depression and other mental issues. I've been through numerous treatments, medications, and therapists and nothing has ever made me feel better. Yet every time I go to the doctor all they offer me is yet another medication that didn't work for me before and advice to go back into therapy. After 36 years of that, I'm just done with it now. Then about 25 years ago I developed Hashimoto's thyroiditis, which is an auto immune disorder where your own body attacks your thyroid causing you to get hypothyroidism. For the first 13 or so years, I was given Synthroid, which is the common treatment the doctors give to everyone. The problem is that my body doesn't process Synthroid, so I might as well have not been taking any medication at all. Despite the fact that I was getting no better and my symptoms were continuing to get worse and I was begging every doctor I saw for years and years to put me on a different medicine, none of them would agree to. I was told over and over that my symptoms were not caused by my thyroid and that it was all in my head and so forth. Finally in 2009, I got so sick I couldn't get out of bed. I was sleeping up to 22 hours a day. I became extremely dizzy. I became extremely exhausted to the point where no amount of sleep would make me feel well rested, and I had numerous aches and pains and other symptoms. One of the worst symptoms was the severe brain fog. I couldn't focus on anything or think clearly. Still I couldn't get any doctor to believe I had a problem. When I sought help from conventional medical doctors- all I got was called names like liar, and hypochondriac. They treated me like I was asking them for heroin or cocaine when all I wanted was a natural thyroid drug that would actually work on my particular body since my body doesn't process the Synthroid that they've been pushing on me for years correctly. Then all the stress of all that caused me to develop chronic fatigue syndrome. Finally I went to an alternative medical clinic and I got some help, but it was expensive and, in the end, the money I was spending was not equal to the amount of help I was getting. And I didn't really have that kind of money to keep spending if I wasn't going to feel any better than what they were making me feel. Then in 2012, my husband was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. My husband was the only thing that ever brought me out of my depression and made me want to live. He gave me a reason to live and he was my life. I spent 5 years taking care of him while he had cancer and put all my own health issues on the back burner. He passed away on October 15, 2017 and I died that day as well. Since then my life has been a living nightmare and all I want is to be with my husband. I spent the first year after his death sorting through his belongings and preparing to move cross country completely alone because most of his family abandoned me and wouldn't help me with anything. I have no members of my own family left because they're all dead, except for a few that I wouldn't want in my life anyway.
I've made 3 or 4 suicide attempts since my husband died trying to overdose on pills and I failed every time. Luckily, I live alone and nobody noticed what I had done. That's when I started searching for different methods. That's when I stumbled on this website last summer and I spent several months wasting my time trying to perfect the "night night method". Then I finally realized that was just not going to work for me, so I decided to join the forum to find a different method. That's when I found SN. I also found that there are a lot of compassionate and caring people on this site and I've been overwhelmed by the support and kindness I've received here that I never received in my real life. It's very liberating to be able to discuss my true feelings about depression and suicide in an open forum without people jumping to conclusions and being afraid someone's going to haul me off to the psych ward. That's just a nutshell version of my life. Actually, there's a lot more that I could tell you, but it would take pages and pages and pages.
So anyway, welcome to the forum and welcome to the Kitchen Sink thread.
_____________________________

i'm so sorry to hear about your mother. My mother died when I was only 3. Then I lost my older sister who was like a second mother to me when I was 13. Then my father died when I was 21. I've lost a lot of people in my life so I can certainly relate.

I'm originally from the Midwestern part of the United States, though I now live on the west coast- only because that's the part of the country my husband was from and I let his sister talk me into letting his bring his ashes back here. It was a bad decision. I never should've let her bring him back here because now I'm forced to live here even though I don't really like it very much.

 

[Lady Lazarus 2020]

Hello @Lady Lazarus 2020,

I am @BlueWidow. I've been here since October. I've been depressed for most of my life and I've spent a lot of that time attempting to get help for my depression and other mental issues. I've been through numerous treatments, medications, and therapists and nothing has ever made me feel better. Yet every time I go to the doctor all they offer me is yet another medication that didn't work for me before and advice to go back into therapy. After 36 years of that, I'm just done with it now. Then about 25 years ago I developed Hashimoto's thyroiditis, which is an auto immune disorder where your own body attacks your thyroid causing you to get hypothyroidism. For the first 13 or so years, I was given Synthroid, which is the common treatment the doctors give to everyone. The problem is that my body doesn't process Synthroid, so I might as well have not been taking any medication at all. Despite the fact that I was getting no better and my symptoms were continuing to get worse and I was begging every doctor I saw for years and years to put me on a different medicine, none of them would agree to. I was told over and over that my symptoms were not caused by my thyroid and that it was all in my head and so forth. Finally in 2009, I got so sick I couldn't get out of bed. I was sleeping up to 22 hours a day. I became extremely dizzy. I became extremely exhausted to the point where no amount of sleep would make me feel well rested, and I had numerous aches and pains and other symptoms. One of the worst symptoms was the severe brain fog. I couldn't focus on anything or think clearly. Still I couldn't get any doctor to believe I had a problem. When I sought help from conventional medical doctors- all I got was called names like liar, and hypochondriac. They treated me like I was asking them for heroin or cocaine when all I wanted was a natural thyroid drug that would actually work on my particular body since my body doesn't process the Synthroid that they've been pushing on me for years correctly. Then all the stress of all that caused me to develop chronic fatigue syndrome. Finally I went to an alternative medical clinic and I got some help, but it was expensive and, in the end, the money I was spending was not equal to the amount of help I was getting. And I didn't really have that kind of money to keep spending if I wasn't going to feel any better than what they were making me feel. Then in 2012, my husband was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. My husband was the only thing that ever brought me out of my depression and made me want to live. He gave me a reason to live and he was my life. I spent 5 years taking care of him while he had cancer and put all my own health issues on the back burner. He passed away on October 15, 2017 and I died that day as well. Since then my life has been a living nightmare and all I want is to be with my husband. I spent the first year after his death sorting through his belongings and preparing to move cross country completely alone because most of his family abandoned me and wouldn't help me with anything. I have no members of my own family left because they're all dead, except for a few that I wouldn't want in my life anyway.
I've made 3 or 4 suicide attempts since my husband died trying to overdose on pills and I failed every time. Luckily, I live alone and nobody noticed what I had done. That's when I started searching for different methods. That's when I stumbled on this website last summer and I spent several months wasting my time trying to perfect the "night night method". Then I finally realized that was just not going to work for me, so I decided to join the forum to find a different method. That's when I found SN. I also found that there are a lot of compassionate and caring people on this site and I've been overwhelmed by the support and kindness I've received here that I never received in my real life. It's very liberating to be able to discuss my true feelings about depression and suicide in an open forum without people jumping to conclusions and being afraid someone's going to haul me off to the psych ward. That's just a nutshell version of my life. Actually, there's a lot more that I could tell you, but it would take pages and pages and pages.
So anyway, welcome to the forum and welcome to the Kitchen Sink thread.

wow. thank you SO SO much for this. i am sorry (there is no good word. "sorry" sounds dumb as hell when it comes to this) that you lost your husband and for the illnesses and for no one believing you. i feel so much empathy and find a lot of the things that you said relatable.

i actually have so much to say in response to this. i want to give this the time it deserves and be thorough so im going to respond comprehensively tomorrow. thank you so much for welcoming me, sharing this, and i look forward to us being able to be here for each other. Hugs.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

no luck with the sleep meds yet lol.

@Lady Lazarus 2020 I'm in my late twenties. I have chronic fatigue syndrome, and it's relatively bad. My ex partner was the only reason I didn't kill myself already in the years prior. Recently, she left me suddenly and without much explanation.

so I'm going to CTB. I just don't see much of a point in going on without her. And all I have to look forward to is worsening health and an early death.

 

[BlueWidow]

no luck with the sleep meds yet lol.

@Lady Lazarus 2020 I'm in my late twenties. I have chronic fatigue syndrome, and it's relatively bad. My ex partner was the only reason I didn't kill myself already in the years prior. Recently, she left me suddenly and without much explanation.

so I'm going to CTB. I just don't see much of a point in going on without her. And all I have to look forward to is worsening health and an early death.

Hope the sleep meds start working soon. I'm almost afraid to jinx it, but my pulled muscle feels a little bit better, so I'm hoping I can maybe rest a little bit tonight. Of course I haven't even tried to lie down at all and that's when it really hurts, so it could be that I lie down and it starts hurting again just as much as it was before. But it actually hasn't been hurting me much at all in the last couple of hours. I haven't had THAT much alcohol yet so I don't think that's had a lot to do with it. Though I guess maybe? I've now switched back to soda. I'm not going to drink any more rum for tonight. I've just been sitting here drinking what's left of my rum drink and listening to Led Zeppelin. Hopefully I'm going to get tired enough to be able to sleep later.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Someone tell me why my ambien makes me hyper instead of knocking me out. I'm literally dancing to 80s pop on my bed when I should be sleeping.

 

[BlueWidow]

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Another 172 posts or so & I'll turn pink!!