My SIL is out of the hospital and she says she's doing better. I feel like a jerk texting her "I love you" back after she texts it to me, knowing I'm going to ctb at some point soon.
I mean, it's true, but just because I love her and she loves me doesn't mean that she can do anything to help me. She can't change anything in my life or any of the reasons why I am going to ctb. She's so sweet, and innocent, and clueless. As far as I can tell, she has no clue that this is coming. I mean she knows I'm depressed, and she knows I miss my husband (her brother) terribly and I've been struggling since he died. But even she doesn't have any clue about the depth of my problems. No one does. In some ways, I think it's going to come as a complete shock to everyone around me when I do this.
