Venting The most lethal/acccessible method is the one im most scared to do

[autonecrotic]

i am in so much mental anguish i wish it was easier to ctb. i dont know why it seems near impossible to actually ctb unless you have access to firearms, or to jump off a bridge which has always been my "ultimate" method if all else fails, but i am the most scared to use that method and i dont think i would have the balls to actually follow through with doing it. im so scared of that method and my ocd intrusive thoughts will literally make it play on repeat in my head the moment just before i hit the ground. i know that i would 100% die from the fall due to the bridge being 730 ft/220 meters from the ground but it is still so scary to think of that i know no matter how bad i want to ctb i dont think i could do it. i wish i had the spine to just do it and end this fucking suffering. i wish ODing was more of a lethal method because i just want to pass out and never wake up again. i cant take this pain im in anymore. i cant keep waking up every day experiencing this same fucking anguish. i cant eat, i cant sleep, im on the path to dehydration as well just because im so fucking depressed i cant take care of myself anymore. my life is falling apart in front of my eyes and im so close to just driving there and doing it. i wissh i could just OD. i wish i could go peacefully but it just seems more and more likely that it will have to be a violent and scary method.

 

[Bishop]

Yes survival instinct is something we all face.

 

[Isolatedloner]

It's not easy to die. Survival instinct always acts up. Know that many people such as those at the , Golden Gate Bridge who jump immediately regret their decision. Some things you can never take back. If I may say, don't have suicide be that undoable action. You ultimately decide if you want to die. I know you suffer so much. I care either way. May we all find peace and freedom from suffering even if death is that. Anyways, do what is the best for you death or not.

 

[autonecrotic]

It's not easy to die. Survival instinct always acts up. Know that many people such as those at the , Golden Gate Bridge who jump immediately regret their decision. Some things you can never take back. If I may say, don't have suicide be that undoable action. You ultimately decide if you want to die. I know you suffer so much. I care either way. May we all find peace and freedom from suffering even if death is that. Anyways, do what is the best for you death or not.

i have become obsessed in the past with the testimonies of those who have survived golden gate bridge jumpings and know they all say this as well. its just horrible to think about either way. thank you for your words though i do appreciate them

 

[Isolatedloner]

i have become obsessed in the past with the testimonies of those who have survived golden gate bridge jumpings and know they all say this as well. its just horrible to think about either way. thank you for your words though i do appreciate them

I'm doing my best to help. It's in my blood. Still, if you want death try to do it peacefully. It's hard to do it but consider the better ones. SN seems to be peaceful with antiemetics (anti vomiting) and a bunch of benzos lol. Anyway, I hope you can get peace somehow.

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

Jumping takes so much resolve, i tried earlier this year, booked a hotel with a high rooftop, hammered myself with alcohol, i was literally standing on the edge for 20 mn and still couldn't do it.

It's so hard to go against nature and beat your SI, even with substances i presume.

 

[cookji]

Jumping takes so much resolve, i tried earlier this year, booked a hotel with a high rooftop, hammered myself with alcohol, i was literally standing on the edge for 20 mn and still couldn't do it.

It's so hard to go against nature and beat your SI, even with substances i presume.

Would it still be hard even if you had a partner?

 

[autonecrotic]

Would it still be hard even if you had a partner?

sorry to but in, but i think it really depends. is the partner a good partner to you and does everything they can to help, and never belittle or judge you for your struggles? or are they someone who actively makes your life worse and pushes you more towards that glowing exit sign in your head. i think regardless it is also difficult that you are a human that experiences empathy, as most humans do. there would just be more context needed i think. sorry im just off copious substances and yapping lol