Venting The more years spent trapped in this existence just means more opportunities to suffer

[FuneralCry]

This is why I believe the less time spent trapped in this existence the better, continuing to exist and delaying the inevitable just means more opportunities to suffer. The only true perfect outcome is never existing at all but next to that I'd prefer to return to the ideal state of non-existence as soon as possible. This is because death solves everything and brings peace from all the suffering existing causes.

It's undeniable that existence itself causes immense amounts of harm with endless risks and extreme potential for torment yet nobody can be harmed by the absence of everything which is why I'd see it as better to cease existing. I don't get why anyone would wish to delay their inevitable fate, I'd always prefer the peace of an dreamless and eternal sleep to decaying and deteriorating from age in this meaningless existence, to have the ability to exist could never be something that is desirable which is why I only envy those who die.

Only non-existence is ideal where there is no more problems, suffering or concerns, there is no need for anything and instead is all is forgotten about. Nobody who no longer exists can mourn for how they lack the ability to suffer, they are simply at peace free from the harmful and futile imposition that is existence. It's just so hellish and cruel how suicide is purposely made so inaccessible despite the reality that it's the only way to find true safety from suffering, it'd be such a relief having the option to fall into an dreamless, eternal sleep.

 

[Reuthry]

Yes, and non-existence is also an inevitable end, so I see living as just suffering for no point, even if you feel like your life is full of positive things, it's just your brain tricking yourself that way, because for humans and other animals it's a natural instinct. Life is too painful, not existing is the one to save everything, and I personally think that if I don't exist anymore, nothing exists because I won't be able to perceive, I won't exist at all. I am so tired of living, I hope I stop existing as soon as possible, doesn't matter if it is painful or not, I would stab myself to death if it was a guaranteed way to leave, but every method has a chance to survive unfortunately, and it would be an actual disaster for me, I can't think of myself living for 1-2 more years, imagine how much of an agony living for 50 more years? And I would probably not able to try to ctb again because I would be probably disabled if I survived an attempt. My existence is root of all problems, if I don't exist, nothing exists, there would be no suffering, and I choose not existing over being happy while existing, because there will be suffering in every case that has life in it. I just want to die, as soon as possible. My only goal that keeps me functioning during the day is to prepare for the day I will ctb.