Discussion the morality of suicide when a part in a DID system

[thefaunasystem]

i am part of a DID system. ie: dissociative identity disorder, previously called multiple personality disorder. i share my body with at least 9 other people of different ages and became this way at a very early age because of significant repeated trauma.

in recent years, things have become unbearable. other parts of the system have caused significant harm to our body and attempted to end our life many times over. they have much less understanding about the fact that they share this body with others and are so preoccupied with and trapped in the time of our trauma that they have little control over their actions.

i personally have been trying for years to be treated by the NHS for my condition and to be assessed in order to come up with a care plan. there are no options. we've been labelled as suffering from EUPD and therefore are 'attention seeking' and there is no benefit to further treatment. private therapy is too expensive. we've essentially been left to rot. and i am at my wits end.

i don't know or understand how to continue with this level of pain, distress and shitty quality of life. i don't want to live anymore. i can't see any way to a normal life and refuse to condemn us all to this hellscape for any longer.

but i know this isn't just my body. i feel as though by killing myself, i'm murdering others too. it is such a weird feeling. i don't know if i have the right to make this decision, or the right to decide for those that can't communicate to me.

i haven't shared my feelings with others because theres so little understanding about the impacts and experiences of those with DID. people seem to think that either we're a dangerous monster or that we're overreacting. i am just so exhausted. theres nothing left for me in this world except from pain and i fear that the others feel the same but i cannot be sure.

this doesn't feel fair.

i just needed to get this out somewhere. thanks for reading if anyone has.

if anyone has any further points to consider, please feel free to share them.

 

[suimaxxer]

You should bring this up with your alters. Its definitely immoral to commit suicide without at least getting their permission. if even one of them wants to live, seriously don't kill yourself. I know existing is hard but it is basically murder like you mentioned. i am sorry because i do not know much about DID, but is an alter going dormant similar to death? maybe you could find a way to make yourself go dormant rather than kill yourself