Venting The literal only emotion I feel is hate

[LevUwU]

I actually hate seeing people better than me so much it's unreal
why the fuck does some druggie get t o fuckiing make music for a living, she should be fucking dead
it's impossible for me to feel happy for other people
I actually hate everyone s o much its insane
i want to know what its like
to have empathy
I want to know what thats like
to can be jealous of people but you still want them to have the best
i cant understand it
maybe i s hould get addicted to fucking fent and hope it kills me before I succeed somehow see how that goes why not
im fucked up anyways, might as well fuck up whats left of my brain
I think anyone who has anything better than me should kill themselves
which includes everyone even slightly prettier
I have violent thoughts constantly, btiout myself and others
the pain they'd be in when their insides are spilling out wouldnt even compare to the pain of people like me
like actually I hope they all kill themsevles
it's not like it'll be poetic when I do
just another percent in the ufcking pile
im a worthless fucking sociopathic piece of shit with a lust for power and any bit of love I ever once had as a child has long since run as dry as my veins
I'm constantly disgusted by humanity I grind my teeth behind a perfectly crafted neutral face
i want this w orld to fucking burn
I want all of humanity to rot
wish I fucking took the chance to kill myself when I could
fucking fdisgusting all the time
should fucking die j ust because I hate people like that
and I dont even know why I do
I just hate
and its eating me alive, fuck talk about things eating you alive this is consuming me and it has already forever
if pain is beauty then what the ufck is this
I have so many feelings and half are hate and half are regret
I want this entire world to blow u p already, i f ucking hope trump starts another world war so I can die in a nuclear blast knowing this world is as dead as any happiness id ever have
i dont understand myself
I dont understand myself at all
it hurts so much it hurts so much it hurts so much it hurts so much it hurts so much it hurts so much it hurts so much it hurts so much
i wish I was anyone else at all
im a husk of a human being and no one understands that
theres no substance to me, im just a being of hate
I fucking hate this world
I shouldnt be mad at people who struggled, though
but I cant feel anything but hate
for damn near anyone
i want to fuckin gblow my brains out and call that much fucking art
cant do shit with my life no fucking talents a w orthless fucking bitch
i cant ever fuck i t up if I dont ever even bother
I fucking hope everyone dies
I fucking hope I die
those words are so the same to me because im the only person who I can see through
my eyes are my own and they beg to not be
i wish id fuckign drop dead from a blood clot
I hope everyone suffers till they rip out their fucking organs
I want this world to be coated red with peoples self inflicted wounds and I cant see that unless its my own blood running in the s treets
I've felt this way for so long and ufcking fuck its ahrd to keep in
I hope you ignore all of this so I can go back to my blissful attempt at ignoring it myself
i really hope the fucking drugs they give me this monday are a goddamn pack because i swear i just might need drugs that numb this part of my brain to fuckjing live
this hatred could tear me up with one hand but i feel sublime
I f eel high on it constantly that I wouldnt need drugs to feel a rage
only a calmness
but oh, wouldnt that be fuckign nice?
not much left to do but fuck it up in every single way
call it self sacrificing it doesnt matter
I was a lamb on my own alter since the day iw as bornim a horrible person, and this isnt self depriacting its just true
the only relief I ever feel is from other people suffering, it justifes the hate that burnss so violently inside me
AM got nothing on me bitch
fuck im shaking so bad
why cant i stop
I fucking hate it
I fucking hate everything so much
Im not some sit down and take it, chase the high of being loved flike so many others yet I suffer the same fate
Im the fucking opposite
I want to bite off my peer's flesh and watch them bleed
I want to hrut eveyrone and everything around me
I have to physically stop myself from wringing my cats neck, and I love her
do you understand that pain?
do you know what it's like to not feel anything but hate
just hate
hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate
thats all I fuckign feel
its always there
in some capacity
it's a hell of adrug
and god if I'm not a functioning druggie on it i dont know what i am
because im fucking on the verge of hurting everyone and everything around meeeeeeeeee mostly myself
it would fix nothing
I get to
I grt to jsut suffer
endless aony
agony and agony
talk about a dfucking death loop
Im running out of ways to cope
so what options do I have left anymore
what options do I have left but fuckign ruining myself
if I fuck myself up enough it'll finally be enough to justify this feeling
im fuckungi lucky
I dont want this
I want to suffer more than anyone ever has
i want to give every piece of luck I had away and regret it just tso I can feel pain rather than hate
you have no idea
hate doesnt even do the feeling justice
it's all that I am
i'm a being of flesh and hate and nothing more
IV tube inside my arm and its only filled with vitriol
i'd fucking tear out my teeth one by one
and id stab my eyes with it
and those fantasies are all i have
day in and day out
just fucking unbridled hatred
that no one could ever understand
dont I sound like an edgy teen

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה,
Not going to make this my brand or anything, but whatever flipped in people and the universe this past decade:

Used to be a big fan of "mudita" if that's the word (Buddhist concept). Even if life was going shit, I guess my experience was commonly that, at least I'm doing something, at least I helped someone out, whatever.

Since the permanent narcissism that rolled into USA perhaps a decade ago, ain't none of that any more. Reciprocity even of efforts, let alone results, is really in G-d's hands if it's anywhere.

In fairness if I myself ever see a blessing I'm usually squirreling it away or trying to apply it to where it's owed despite how absurd things are, but the world sure went full tilt into 'you can only do as much bring helpful as you can afford' and that went quick and thanklessly, so now it's on whoever collected all the money promising to be. But particularly where I'm at most of the folks I bothered investing in seem more likely to have pranced off into the forests with a blowtorch than having built anything to go visit, even if I might agree the odds on the latter are stacked lately.

But these were folks that hadn't even had their whole social networks turn and hiss on them.

For what it's worth putting down weed did make it easier to avoid getting into the situations of both pissing off people constantly and being as pissed at their blank zombie "no give only throw" constantly.

 

[ClippedWings]

AM got nothing on me bitch

O gawd pliss no! At least put us out of our misery, please! I don't deserve any more torture.

I understand you!

Hate has its hands around my lungs too. I lap the air for breath all day.

I'm here if you need a punching bag. That vast scorn that boils inside you courses through my veins as well.