Sometimes I can't help wonder if I would have ended up here, in this state of suicidality had i been surrounded with love and support throughout my life. I wonder if it's a blessing in disguise that helped me make this decision and that if I had people's love and support surrounding me that it would have only made me feel guilty and trapped and just terrible. Why the need to add that type of torture if I'm gonna end up killing myself anyways right? A much cleaner guilt free 'do i want to keep going at this life or not' type of decision. Or it's all crap and this is just my mind making the best out of the worest situation...'hey this could have all been so much harder than it needs to be, at least you've got that to be grateful for, it's not all bad'....
