The horrors of ugliness

[death137]

Being ugly is hell. It's the main reason why I'm looking to ctb. How you look has a very big affect on your life in general.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Used to think I was extremely ugly but I've unfortunately been told that I'm no worse than a five. Joke's on them though, I'm the ugliest on the inside and no amount of cleaning up, fancy dressing, or photoshop can change that.

 

[Stuckaf2]

This thread is calming me down a lot! I knew I am not crazy. The gaslighting is real and there is just no hope. No point in me living

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Being attractive may not solve all problems, but being ugly certainly causes many. And unlike you, most if not all of my problems are directly or indirectly caused by unattractiveness.
Anyway, I hope that you succeed in doing whatever you want to do, be it ctb or recovery.

If you've been ugly or even average you are probably already too familiar with the feeling. The feeling that you'll never be loved for who you are, you'll never be loved the way an attractive person is.
No one will fall in love at first sight with you.
You will always be struggling to prove your worth, but failing miserably in the process.
You will never feel the security that you can always find a romantic partner whenever you wish.
You will always have to be the initiator, the one who has to risk rejections to have any chance at finding love.
You will never be anyone's first choice, the one that girls chase after at all costs.
You will never experience a memorable teenage love as intense as a raging fire.
You will never know what a mutual crush feels like, only the emptiness of unrequited love.
You will never be free from the loneliness that devours all hope, leaving death the only way out.
And worst of all, you will be trapped in the flesh prison, doing a life sentence for a crime that you did not commit.

I am so sorry you're experiencing this. Life is cruel and unfair. I also struggle with being physically unattractive. I often had random kids in 7th grade when I begun developing severe severe acne come
Up to me and hit me randomly. I was so sad and cried with my head down. I felt so embarrassed, shocked, alone and broken to the point I just stopped talking. One time someone said "you guys should leave her alone before she becomes like a school shooter" I was shocked they thought I was crazy too because I was quiet? I was quiet because it was protection and avoidance from being harassed and bullied. The pain of being unattractive is unbearable it's one of my biggest factors as well traumatic experiences and working because depression/anxiety CPTSD. The exclusion, loneliness, detachment from others is painful as well. I'm sorry I have yet read another's story of dealing with this pain. Life is a cruel unfair joke we didn't even ask for yet we are trapped in this prison through no fault of our own. Everyday I want to die! I relate so much I'm sorry for your sufferings.

 

[Ren Elsie Jewelria]

@lonelyuglyguy44
You haven't seen me, so...

 

[Manaaja]

All humans look the same when you have a bad eye sight.

But seriously, all humans have imperfections. I knew a woman who literally looked like a really fat older version of Quasimodo, but she had a really kind heart, and that was what mattered to me. I'd have gladly been friends with her, but she was a...what's the English word... my "assistant" and in modern west you can't befriend your assistants because that's considered creepy or some shit. Joe Biden can smell his secretary's granddaughter's hair, but a lonely friendless person isn't allowed to befriend anyone, how shitty. What if I had met her outside work. Like what if joined the same pottery class? Would we have had to pretend to not know each other? What if I had married that woman's kid? Could the woman then be my friend? How very stupid.

While I wish everyone looked at the heart and soul and not the body, I do wish everyone looked like my D3 character looks like now that he got triple wings today.

 

[Ren Elsie Jewelria]

It's me again. You guys compare yourself to Hollywood stars? I bet 99,99% of you you look at least average, probably better. Probably just low self-esteem. I very rarely see really ugly people in real life, probably like 1 in 500.

All humans look the same when you have a bad eye sight.

But seriously, all humans have imperfections. I knew a woman who literally looked like a really fat older version of Quasimodo, but she had a really kind heart, and that was what mattered to me. I'd have gladly been friends with her, but she was a...what's the English word... my "assistant" and in modern west you can't befriend your assistants because that's considered creepy or some shit. Joe Biden can smell his secretary's granddaughter's hair, but a lonely friendless person isn't allowed to befriend anyone, how shitty. What if I had met her outside work. Like what if joined the same pottery class? Would we have had to pretend to not know each other? What if I had married that woman's kid? Could the woman then be my friend? How very stupid.

While I wish everyone looked at the heart and soul and not the body, I do wish everyone looked like my D3 character looks like now that he got triple wings today.

 

[Manaaja]

It's me again. You guys compare yourself to Hollywood stars? I bet 99,99% of you you look at least average, probably better. Probably just low self-esteem. I very rarely see really ugly people in real life, probably like 1 in 500.

I didn't speak anything about my own appearance. I spoke of someone else's appearance. I didn't speak anything of celebrities or any other good looking people (except for my Diablo 3 character).

Just because you see yourself as ugly, doesn't mean that you're the only one. That woman literally looked like an older, fatter version of Quasimodo. But in a way I'm a person who looks at a zombie and thinks "that looks cool". I spent hours looking at Baal's various faces from D2. Everyone said he looks ugly, but not to me. To me he looked...interesting, intriguing, new, unique. It's hard to explain.

I do agree that a lot of people claim to look ugly when in truth they are perfectly fine looking and that it's low self-esteem. As for me, I'm not gonna number myself. I can't place numbers on any fleshes, skins or bones near me. And I don't want to.

 

[Ren Elsie Jewelria]

@Manaaja
I'm sorry, I kind of quoted you by mistake.
You like your zombie look? Great!
I wanted to look like Saitama from "One Punch Man", ,cut my hair and my own mother said I look like shit. >:(

 

[Manaaja]

@Manaaja
I'm sorry, I kind of quoted you by mistake.
You like your zombie look? Great!
I wanted to look like Saitama from "One Punch Man", ,cut my hair and my own mother said I look like shit. >:(

It's okay.
What? No, I meant I like how some Zombie-like humans or humanoids look. Like Baal from Diablo 2's 2st and 3rd cinematics looks like zombie, but cool. Zombies can look cool. My grandma's face is really old and zombie-like, but in a way it too is cool. It's interesting and unique.
:( Sorry to hear. You mean you went full bald or that blonde hair look? Either way as long as you liked the look, that should be enough for you to keep it.

 

[Ren Elsie Jewelria]

@Manaaja
OK, now I get it.
And I'm not blonde, it's just a profile pic. I'm dark-haired.

 

[HappyForever?]

It's me again. You guys compare yourself to Hollywood stars? I bet 99,99% of you you look at least average, probably better. Probably just low self-esteem. I very rarely see really ugly people in real life, probably like 1 in 500.

1. Being average is not enough for women to like you. Women think 80% of men are below average.
2. If it's just low self-esteem how do you explain that I've never been on the receiving end of a crush and girls want nothing to do with me?

 

[Ren Elsie Jewelria]

@lonelyuglyguy44
Women think way too much of themselves. Then they end up at bad places.

 

[Simba]

If you've been ugly or even average you are probably already too familiar with the feeling. The feeling that you'll never be loved for who you are, you'll never be loved the way an attractive person is.
No one will fall in love at first sight with you.
You will always be struggling to prove your worth, but failing miserably in the process.
You will never feel the security that you can always find a romantic partner whenever you wish.
You will always have to be the initiator, the one who has to risk rejections to have any chance at finding love.
You will never be anyone's first choice, the one that girls chase after at all costs.
You will never experience a memorable teenage love as intense as a raging fire.
You will never know what a mutual crush feels like, only the emptiness of unrequited love.
You will never be free from the loneliness that devours all hope, leaving death the only way out.
And worst of all, you will be trapped in the flesh prison, doing a life sentence for a crime that you did not commit.

I can relate to that very much ,i dont like the way i look ,people can mistake me for a guy but im oks with that i just correct them afterwards ,i did have a bf in 12th grade but it was a bad idea ,he would curse at me on chat n saying how im a lesbian whore or whatever an ask whats my number so he can call me that i ended up puking (that happened in the toilet ) i lost some weight at the time too like not tiny amount but i guess a noticeable amount.. i had a half bf (he lived in USA) and he would use me asking for feet pictures ,nudes and porn ,sex roleplay etc.. thing is i liked him and i usetoo be like i want to see him but he said that i have to see him finishing himself so i can see him so i did ,he called me a terrorist and i got upset from that that i felt sickening... me n him ended being just friends but it was pretty much still the same still asking for nudes n shit.. i stayed talking to him cause i didnt want to not have friends since thats something ive always wanted... oh forgot also to say ex bf from 12th grade i had written letters to him in a copybook ,he called it love letters etc ,and i had another copybook called the death book were id pretty much draw myself dying ,i was stupid enough to give both to him and one day he got mad at me dunno why and he sent me 2 meesenger pictures ,of both copybooks ,in a mountain ,he tore both to pieces i fucking cried over that.. i guess you just get usetoo all this in the end ,and yeah i feel like i gotta do initiation like people dont come to me saying "i like you" or whatever - i do that and i have autism ,would be nice if other side would intiatit once in a while too but is oks i guess ,i liked your post too it sounds more like a poem

 

[Midgardsorm]

I can relate to that very much ,i dont like the way i look ,people can mistake me for a guy but im oks with that i just correct them afterwards ,i did have a bf in 12th grade but it was a bad idea ,he would curse at me on chat n saying how im a lesbian whore or whatever an ask whats my number so he can call me that i ended up puking (that happened in the toilet ) i lost some weight at the time too like not tiny amount but i guess a noticeable amount.. i had a half bf (he lived in USA) and he would use me asking for feet pictures ,nudes and porn ,sex roleplay etc.. thing is i liked him and i usetoo be like i want to see him but he said that i have to see him finishing himself so i can see him so i did ,he called me a terrorist and i got upset from that that i felt sickening... me n him ended being just friends but it was pretty much still the same still asking for nudes n shit.. i stayed talking to him cause i didnt want to not have friends since thats something ive always wanted... oh forgot also to say ex bf from 12th grade i had written letters to him in a copybook ,he called it love letters etc ,and i had another copybook called the death book were id pretty much draw myself dying ,i was stupid enough to give both to him and one day he got mad at me dunno why and he sent me 2 meesenger pictures ,of both copybooks ,in a mountain ,he tore both to pieces i fucking cried over that.. i guess you just get usetoo all this in the end ,and yeah i feel like i gotta do initiation like people dont come to me saying "i like you" or whatever - i do that and i have autism ,would be nice if other side would intiatit once in a while too but is oks i guess ,i liked your post too it sounds more like a poem

I don't understand the necessity of people being so mean at others.
Seeing a book where you draw all your feelings and doing what he did, it's simply unforgivable.

People get angry, of course. But destroying sentimental value things are really bizarre.

I feel like I have hurt people sometimes, I did bad things that I regret it. But nothing like that.

 

[Simba]

I don't understand the necessity of people being so mean at others.
Seeing a book where you draw all your feelings and doing what he did, it's simply unforgivable.

People get angry, of course. But destroying sentimental value things are really bizarre.

I feel like I have hurt people sometimes, I did bad things that I regret it. But nothing like that.

I done some stuff that i also regret in life.. yeah the day i said to him is best we go separate ways and he pretty much said to me that he shouldve killed me at the time ,he also has special needs

 

[~GeminiVII~]

i fully can't remember at time i could look in the mirror and liked the reflection lol

 

[MrBlue]

I'm in the exact same position as you. I've never had a woman find me even remotely attractive. The only people who have said I was cute were people in their 50s. Basically anyone that would have to commit to something if they expressed interest in me are nothing but repulsed.

I fully understand it though. I'm 5'4 and very quiet/neurotic even at my most confident and healthy. I'm a gross mentally ill leprechaun lol!

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I've been ugly, hot and average. And I have to say.. not all of this is accurate. I'll just share my thoughts on it.

(My timeline was that I was fat and ugly in school and then I 'glowed up' and developed anorexia, which everyone took to be hot. Then I put almost 20lbs back on due to chronic illness and went down to 'average' - i.e. invisible).

"No one will fall in love at first sight with you."
This isn't love, it's just lust. Love is knowing a person inside out and wanting to be there for it. Lust doesn't even compare.
But yes, lust feels like a high but it's crushing when their feelings just stop after you're all in. You also attract all manner of predator and it soon becomes clear that they respect none of your boundaries. They 'love' an idea of you that you'll never live up to and you'll get punished for it.

"You will always be struggling to prove your worth, but failing miserably in the process."
This is everybody. Being attractive is a temporary shield but you can be devalued all the same if you give too much of yourself. Likewise if you're a hot woman in an office of women, good luck. You'll be bullied, denied promotions, you name it. And if you're single for any period of time, you'll find women holding onto their husbands that bit tighter whenever you walk by. You'll be openly sneered at in restaurants and bars by women who are failing their diets.

"You will never feel the security that you can always find a romantic partner whenever you wish."
A fuck is not a romantic partner. Again, I really think you need to separate lust from love, respect, support, etc. Hot people are cheated on and lonely all the time. Lust isn't anything, it's just a high.

"You will never be anyone's first choice, the one that girls chase after at all costs."
No one is always first choice based on looks alone. Good looking people will get a temporary foot in the door but from there on in it's transactional just like anything else. I've had plenty of male friends drop me after years of friendship because they gave up on my panties dropping and that hurts like a motherfucker (no, I never flirted with them). It affects your ability to trust and form deep friendships anymore.

"You will never experience a memorable teenage love as intense as a raging fire."
My memorable teenage love was a boy who was constantly sexually coercing me until he started smacking me around. They aren't all created equal.

"You will never know what a mutual crush feels like, only the emptiness of unrequited love."
I think I'd prefer this to a mutual crush that turns into one-sided love. Maybe I've just been selling myself short but I'm basically broken at this point.

"You will never be free from the loneliness that devours all hope, leaving death the only way out."
There are plenty of happy 'ugly' people and plenty of lonely hot people. There comes a point where it's less how you look and more.. what you accept and how you carry yourself. I think.

I'm sorry you're in pain but your view of 'hot' people is unrealistic. Don't believe the lies on Instagram.

 

[soggyweeetabix]

Tommy Cooper (a deceased comic / magician) would definitely be looked at as ugly, but it doesn't mean he wasn't beautiful. It not a physical thing if you get me.

 

[Panna]

I remember a legal scandal related to a rape case. Evidence was vague and he should have been acquitted. Then something interesting happened. The court's reasoning boiled down to "this guy is so ugly that surely no woman would sleep with him voluntarily. Therefore guilty."

Sounds about right, it's honestly pretty infuriating

 

[Makko]

Sounds about right, it's honestly pretty infuriating

It did lead to a scandal and the sentence was overturned. The guy went on to write a popular book about it. IIRC he's still single though.

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

Honestly, in my opinion, what you just said is worse than being ignored. I would never want anyone to be interested in me because I'm LESS attractive. You can try to deny this, but that means there wasn't a physical chemistry right off the bat. Probably means that you had a friendship that evolved into a relationship.

I would always prefer someone (male or female) wants to fuck me first, then get to know me (or not).

I'm a little late with this as I've been dealing with a "thing."

Anyway, I didn't mean to be insulting and I do apologize if that's how what I wrote struck you.
The point is that I am physically attracted to less "typically attractive" men, right off the bat, as you say and also, sometimes, after getting to know them. The reasons for that are what they are as is so for anyone who has a "type," as it were.

I respect your feelings but do not share them. I would prefer somone who wants to get to know me before they want to fuck me. Having said that, sure, I like men to find me attractive, "fuckable" even, but still, I'd like them to look at me, see me before/if we fuck.

The above is a "thought experiment" of course, as I have been married for 32 years and my boyfriend (Polyamorous) is long distance such that I will never see him in 3D.

My point remains the same, however.

Let me reiterate though, that I had no intention of insulting or offending you in any way.

It hurts when conventionally attractive people have everything lying at their nose while us the ugly ones have to constantly "improve" and "work" on ourselves and even then basic common sense from others isn't guaranteed, let alone some care and love.

Most typically attractive people are also constantly scrutinizing and working on themselves; maybe even more so.

I have been beautiful and ugly in stages throughout my life and now I am middle aged so I've experienced the range and I'm saying, for my part anyway, being pretty never bought me anything worth having.

Then again, maybe I simply wasn't as pretty (when I was pretty), as I thought and much more attractive people than I have had the experience you describe above.

Although, on further thought, my best friend from childhood is a striking woman and has been every day of her freaking life. She's also suffered from self-doubt, depression and feelings of worthlessness most of her life. Being beautiful (and this woman could easily have modeled) never bought her anything of worth, that I noticed.

Anyway, what is "ugly?" What is "pretty?" I know that's cliche, the whole, "eye of the beholder" thing and doesn't really help the person feeling unattractive in any appreciable way. But the image of what is pretty and ugly changes over time and cultures.

 

[summers]

Let me reiterate though, that I had no intention of insulting or offending you in any way.

No offense taken. Thank you so much. Your explanation makes perfect sense - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Same here, I've found people beautiful, when they weren't in the "traditional" sense.

Very glad you have an arrangement that has worked so well for you :)

 

[agate]

1. Being average is not enough for women to like you. Women think 80% of men are below average.
2. If it's just low self-esteem how do you explain that I've never been on the receiving end of a crush and girls want nothing to do with me?

Where are you at , if you're local we could meet? Probably you're too far, but it's worth asking.

 

[Darkover]

it's all about chances some find love some don't ugly or not but the quality of woman on offer here is very poor a lot of them are ugly as shit

 

[agate]

Something else I'm remembering and that has happened very often . I will glance at a woman passing me by , just because I'm curious and will look at everyone , and they will smirk (while looking the other direction). This off course is infuriating, but by now I also just roll my eyes as it's happened so very often.
Why is this? Does anyone have an idea? Why do they do this? In my mind it's off course because I'm so laughable , but who knows anymore.
I'm a woman btw, and they (the smirking ones) are always younger and prettier. Now I do look younger, I hear this all the time , but so often it's just annoying because they're comparing themselves to me (and smirking) , all while I'm maybe 2 decades older

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

it's all about chances some find love some don't ugly or not but the quality of woman on offer here is very poor a lot of them are ugly as shit

I increasingly feel like it's less about who is actually attractive and more about the people who conform to fashions and behaviours and literally tell you that they're attractive. From school to adulthood, I've seen some absolute fucking MUNTERS (they were nasty people so I don't mind saying this) regarded as 'hot' simply because they sleep around and style themselves around celebrities. Power of suggestion. Everyone knows how ridiculous arse implants and clown mouth are but everyone plays along with it anyway.

Something else I'm remembering and that has happened very often . I will glance at a woman passing me by , just because I'm curious and will look at everyone , and they will smirk (while looking the other direction). This off course is infuriating, but by now I also just roll my eyes as it's happened so very often.
Why is this? Does anyone have an idea? Why do they do this? In my mind it's off course because I'm so laughable , but who knows anymore.
I'm a woman btw, and they (the smirking ones) are always younger and prettier. Now I do look younger, I hear this all the time , but so often it's just annoying because they're comparing themselves to me (and smirking) , all while I'm maybe 2 decades older

Whenever I've 'smirked' and looked away, it's been because the person looking at me was somebody I fancied. Maybe you're a chick magnet.

I'm sort of in the same boat, I'm older but I still get blanked by insecure 20-something women because I look younger and, well, I'm rather okay on the looks-scale. I think you're probably hot and just haven't realised. They've clearly flagged you as a threat otherwise they just wouldn't react to you.

____
Bloody hell. I note that she is "plus size" but he is "overweight". People generally date within their attractiveness range and the only outliers tend to be when the less attractive partner makes up for it by money or status (and the hotter one ends up cheating anyway). But yeah, I just saw this and the entitlement is really unattractive to me. "I want my fairytale even though by my own standards I'm not fairytale material. Also it's fatphobia if you say anything against me but not fatphobia when men are ripped".

 

[agate]

Whenever I've 'smirked' and looked away, it's been because the person looking at me was somebody I fancied. Maybe you're a chick magnet.

I'm sort of in the same boat, I'm older but I still get blanked by insecure 20-something women because I look younger and, well, I'm rather okay on the looks-scale. I think you're probably hot and just haven't realised. They've clearly flagged you as a threat otherwise they just wouldn't react to you.

Odd, and very hard to believe , believe me I look like a troll . I just feel too annoyed every time it happens, so I avoid looking at people more and more. For men, when I look at them I'm just hot air, happens all the time too. Why would you smirk and look away if you fancy someone?
I will look away at times ,but I don't think I have ever smirked or understand it.
But believe me, I'm older as well 49, by now I just shrug and have accepted I'll be alone for the rest of my days (however long or short that may be at this point).

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

Why would you smirk and look away if you fancy someone?

Shyness, I guess. It's automatic, it's like they're making me smile and I don't want them to see it.