bonecollector
hikikomori not of my own will
- Apr 12, 2023
- 11
my life is completely pointless, i have absolutely no chance at any sort of livable future, every conversation is a reminder everyone else has potential and i dont. i have a 2nd grade level education, disabilities that make me a huge financial burden on my parents (especially since we dont have health insurance!), and friends who all see me as stupid and immature because of shit thats out of my control.
i want to kill myself next month. that has been my plan the last few weeks, but ive been pretending to myself that once im gone my partner will just get over me and everything will be okay. but now shes trying to stage an intervention and the fact that she needs me alive has become inescapable.
she wants me to get better so badly, im the only person she has. i know if i CTB, she's going to do it too. even if i manage to stay alive just for her, shes just going to continue to suffer because im incapable of getting better. i cant break up with her and then CTB because that would be two heartbreaks and she'd definitely still do it too anyways. i wish i could tell myself "maybe she'll try but fail so itll be okay" but i know exactly what she'll do because shes told me straight up before that if i die she is going to steal her brothers gun and khs with it.
i dont know what to do. everything is so hopeless. i cant fucking do this anymore. i wish i had never met her so i could die in peace.
i want to kill myself next month. that has been my plan the last few weeks, but ive been pretending to myself that once im gone my partner will just get over me and everything will be okay. but now shes trying to stage an intervention and the fact that she needs me alive has become inescapable.
she wants me to get better so badly, im the only person she has. i know if i CTB, she's going to do it too. even if i manage to stay alive just for her, shes just going to continue to suffer because im incapable of getting better. i cant break up with her and then CTB because that would be two heartbreaks and she'd definitely still do it too anyways. i wish i could tell myself "maybe she'll try but fail so itll be okay" but i know exactly what she'll do because shes told me straight up before that if i die she is going to steal her brothers gun and khs with it.
i dont know what to do. everything is so hopeless. i cant fucking do this anymore. i wish i had never met her so i could die in peace.
