The fuck do I do?!?!?!

[Water-Lily]

I'm...broken

I don't think this campus thing is working for me anymore if I'm being honest

My goal was to stop stay on campus for the summer, Fall, and Spring semester

Basically for about a year extra

But after everything that's been happening here

From fighting with my roomate, to seeing her undressed (awkward) and having dishes piled up, to feeling afraid to advocate because I'm scared of her, I just broke down

I broke down and spoke to my father

That I want to go home but I'm afraid of my brother

And he wants me to be home and happy and he wants to deal with my brother, but I know going back home will cause issues and fights will happen, police etc

I don't want to stay on campus. I can't fucking deal with roomates

But I also am afraid of being at home

I just don't want to exist man

Its like, the more I put myself out in the world I'm realizing how fucked I am

People like me, are the ones people grieve

But its like, we're too traumatized to exist in this world and people "care" but aren't capable in the way thats right

Anyways I'm tired

I'm gonna cry, eat ice cream, sleep, and fake my interview tomorrow

Peace out