Venting The feeling that God has abandoned you

[GraySloth]

For a long time, in the back of my mind, I always held out hope that God, the universe, or something out there would help me eventually. I thought that maybe all my suffering was leading up to something, some grand lesson and at the end of it I would be able to say it was all worth it. But that's gone now, I felt it leave me. I know the exact moment it happened; A rainbow appeared in front of my house and I stared at it, and I couldn't enjoy it, and it was at that moment it hit me, that it can never be worth it now. The debt of my life is too great to pay. God can't help me because he owes me more than he has. So it's no longer a question any more, I know God has abandoned me, my desperate prayers went unanswered and now it's too late. It was all pointless, all meaningless, the future is certain and it is the worst possible one.

 

[MyShadow]

For a long time, in the back of my mind, I always held out hope that God, the universe, or something out there would help me eventually. I thought that maybe all my suffering was leading up to something, some grand lesson and at the end of it I would be able to say it was all worth it. But that's gone now, I felt it leave me. I know the exact moment it happened; A rainbow appeared in front of my house and I stared at it, and I couldn't enjoy it, and it was at that moment it hit me, that it can never be worth it now. The debt of my life is to great to pay. God can't help me because he owes me more than he has. So it's no longer a question any more, I know God has abandoned me, my desperate prayers went unanswered and now it's too late,. It was all pointless, all meaningless, the future is certain and it is the worst possible one.

As a man who struggles with the concept of faith, I can only offer you this. The human conditions is difficult and rooted in suffering. I've found that the trick to living is to find those moments that lift you out of that suffering, even if just for a few moments, and just be in that moment for as long as possible.

I am sorry that you are suffering and hope you can find your way out of the darkness.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry for your suffering. In truth, I'm unsure about whether a God even exists. I suppose my hope is that they don't. Partly because of how you and a lot of others feel. I imagine it would in fact be easy for God to end a person's suffering or better still, to have designed us so that we don't suffer. I can only conclude that inflicting suffering was a part of their plan. And, what kind of being does that? Certainly not one I want to worship.

 

[persepexa]

For a long time, in the back of my mind, I always held out hope that God, the universe, or something out there would help me eventually. I thought that maybe all my suffering was leading up to something, some grand lesson and at the end of it I would be able to say it was all worth it. But that's gone now, I felt it leave me. I know the exact moment it happened; A rainbow appeared in front of my house and I stared at it, and I couldn't enjoy it, and it was at that moment it hit me, that it can never be worth it now. The debt of my life is to great to pay. God can't help me because he owes me more than he has. So it's no longer a question any more, I know God has abandoned me, my desperate prayers went unanswered and now it's too late,. It was all pointless, all meaningless, the future is certain and it is the worst possible one

As someone who went to Catholic school since the age of 5 until the age of 22 (Catholic college whoo!), I gave up on faith a long time ago. But from a Catholic perspective, not sure your denomination but they're all pretty much the same, God is always there if you want Him to be. It's easy to see God in the good moments. Everyone thanks God then. But God is also in the hard moments. Don't pray to Him to change your circumstances. Pray to Him for the strength to get through it. In the Bible, God is like a distant parent. He won't fight your battles for you, but he's still rooting for you. From a non-religious perspective, I really hope you get through whatever it is you're going through at the moment and I hope you can find some peace in this awful world. Stay strong.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

@persepexa get a load of this: I become fervently Catholic during my manic episodes and drop it during my depressions. But I can never do it 100% so I still fear hell in case of CTB and wonder if I could just flip the switch in my head again, repent, believe, make a confession, and get back to the righteous life.

 

[persepexa]

@persepexa get a load of this: I become fervently Catholic during my manic episodes and drop it during my depressions. But I can never do it 100% so I still fear hell in case of CTB and wonder if I could just flip the switch in my head again, repent, believe, make a confession, and get back to the righteous life.

I don't think you need to be Catholic to live a righteous life but there's never a point in life where it's too late to make a change

 

[telekon]

I wouldn't worry too much about this kind of thing. You can't control who other people love, even God, and the best thing you can do is just be yourself. I'm sure God doesn't abandon people like you're saying... we are all just floating around the ethosphere each more clueless than the last and no one really knows what God is thinking at any given time. Just relax...

 

[Beccaclk]

As someone who grew up in faith, it's terrifying to realize that God has abandoned you, that He's not coming. I grew up believing He was my foundation, the only One who would always be there for me, but ever since I lost myself, all I've done is cry out to Him, pray, and beg, but suddenly everything went silent.

 

[breathingblues]

For a long time, in the back of my mind, I always held out hope that God, the universe, or something out there would help me eventually. I thought that maybe all my suffering was leading up to something, some grand lesson and at the end of it I would be able to say it was all worth it. But that's gone now, I felt it leave me. I know the exact moment it happened; A rainbow appeared in front of my house and I stared at it, and I couldn't enjoy it, and it was at that moment it hit me, that it can never be worth it now. The debt of my life is too great to pay. God can't help me because he owes me more than he has. So it's no longer a question any more, I know God has abandoned me, my desperate prayers went unanswered and now it's too late. It was all pointless, all meaningless, the future is certain and it is the worst possible one.

Even the purest turn evil in a venomous world like ours. I've seen children who saw me like a father abandon me. These are kids I helped and loved like a father. All because of the evil forces of the government and religion. I wish we could just go back to the ancient fucking times. The air was clean, truth was our shield and nature and rivers were worshipped, the food was nutritious and sufferers had second chances, the only thing I know is that people are killed for thinking nowadays, the whole thought crime thing, differences are punished with extreme brutality, the only thing we can say is that we're not suffering alone, that all like us will be burnt. None of us want to even fore see what hell fire is coming in the future. This is the world innocent children are running around in. Even in the "dark ages"/ after the collapse of the ancient world (who we'll look up to subconsciously as a species as long we exist, in my opinion) literal fucking warrior kings (who lived for bloodthirst) had taste, cause and beauty in their eyes... The nomadic invader Nader Shah had poetry in him as a brutalizer, and today beautiful people have their souls ripped from them just fucking because.

But i still hold on to the hope on her deathbed. I think I was lucky to have it at all, now I see the venom behind status and property too.

 

[pogostick]

I understand entirely. I always think that if God loved me then he wouldn't have made me suicidal.
You could entertain the perspective that maybe its a challenge for me to overcome, but he knows I ca'nt. We both know I'm going to kill myself and I don't think a God who cares about me would let that happen.

 

[Ladyybugged]

if God made me this way,
then i don't think he likes me.
i don't think he trusts me.
i don't think he thinks like me at all.
i don't think he's seeing what i've seen.