Help the feeling of commiting suicide is unbearing, how do I cope

[nawee]

I feel like one day I will do it, keep in mind I have BPD and PTSD so every single emotion is 10x for me. It's getting really bad, I'm even getting my life together but I still feel the same, why? I'm getting a job, going to a new school to study medical, psychiatry meetings, creating things I like on blender or art programs. Nothing seems to make me happier, I still feel that way, how do I fix it? I really don't want to deal with this, and I live in sweden so I have very limited suicide options, only painful ones which I don't want to be forced to go through if I one day snap