The Father of Ashley,
The only other officer,
Who I look up to as a father figure,
Like a second father hopefully a father in law,
Or maybe a father in law in dreams, memory, nightmares, and reality even in games and pranks that we used to play and/or don't play anymore,
Yeah, we call that craziness,
I know but that word doesn't mean anything to me, it is nothing but a loosely thrown term,
I truly didn't know that the "rape" was a precognition dream and or nightmare,
If I remember correctly,
I thought it was a dream a lucid dream that I thought I was the one who got raped,
But no it had to be Ashley,
Adam how can you live with yourself?
I have to I can see the good and evil in everyone,
Including myself, especially myself, even in the damn guy and his crew five guys who committed the act, while I failed the act, while Ashley had to experience the act,
I remember the worst variation of myself "the son of the devil"
Where I scare all those who I care about,
Including the man who is like a second father to me the man and Tim Gale and Ashley,
Who saved my life when I fell into that lake,
Frozen lake I am just worried about saying the wrong words I don't want to get "reset"
Arrested, blackmailed, straightjacketed, sent to an isolation ward, psych ward or committed to a mental hospital or shot with a paintball gun and have it constantly "reset" like multiple times I know you are recreating the "Library Scenario" due to all the terrible things that I brought upon myself with also those who played a role in it "and you all damn well know it" why do you think I attempted suicide so many times,
I see the contradictions within everyone including those who claim not to be contradictory,
It is that easy to me it is so cheesy not because, "Oh I think I know it all",
Because I know the true nature of humanity,
We all do that is why I don't trust the system of humanity because of what humans have done to me and what I have done to them,
The Father of Ashley doesn't really bother me,
I look up to him like a second father,
Hopefully if I ever get my act together,
"Who says you need to get your act together other than myself, my family, my friends, and since I'm bored my pets, my support network"
"Who is your support network? All of you"
Those of you who look into my data yeah you're right I am too smart for my own damn good because of everything we did,
I am not certain if I can forgive you all or myself,
There are so many probable causes why I tried to find someone to murder me or finitely attempt suicide, I don't want to do that I just want her name and number back and not delete it, it kills me mentally and sometimes physically,
But to the Father of Ashley forgive me if I fail you with your blessing or without your blessings I truly didn't know,
Not play acting,
I don't care whether people believe me or not,
I just want to get on the right track,
Yes my memories are returning I still don't remember everything or remember correctly,
Like I have said before once the brain has suffered from so much trauma it tends to black out and block out certain memories,
Self defense mechanism,
I just want to be the man I can be for the girl I love with your blessings or without them,
Sorry for everything I won't attempt suicide anymore or try to find someone to murder me if I keep on track I know what's is coming I am just afraid of saying the wrong words like last time or being "reset" or worse losing everything and everyone I came to far to fail or backdown.
The only other officer,
Who I look up to as a father figure,
Like a second father hopefully a father in law,
Or maybe a father in law in dreams, memory, nightmares, and reality even in games and pranks that we used to play and/or don't play anymore,
Yeah, we call that craziness,
I know but that word doesn't mean anything to me, it is nothing but a loosely thrown term,
I truly didn't know that the "rape" was a precognition dream and or nightmare,
If I remember correctly,
I thought it was a dream a lucid dream that I thought I was the one who got raped,
But no it had to be Ashley,
Adam how can you live with yourself?
I have to I can see the good and evil in everyone,
Including myself, especially myself, even in the damn guy and his crew five guys who committed the act, while I failed the act, while Ashley had to experience the act,
I remember the worst variation of myself "the son of the devil"
Where I scare all those who I care about,
Including the man who is like a second father to me the man and Tim Gale and Ashley,
Who saved my life when I fell into that lake,
Frozen lake I am just worried about saying the wrong words I don't want to get "reset"
Arrested, blackmailed, straightjacketed, sent to an isolation ward, psych ward or committed to a mental hospital or shot with a paintball gun and have it constantly "reset" like multiple times I know you are recreating the "Library Scenario" due to all the terrible things that I brought upon myself with also those who played a role in it "and you all damn well know it" why do you think I attempted suicide so many times,
I see the contradictions within everyone including those who claim not to be contradictory,
It is that easy to me it is so cheesy not because, "Oh I think I know it all",
Because I know the true nature of humanity,
We all do that is why I don't trust the system of humanity because of what humans have done to me and what I have done to them,
The Father of Ashley doesn't really bother me,
I look up to him like a second father,
Hopefully if I ever get my act together,
"Who says you need to get your act together other than myself, my family, my friends, and since I'm bored my pets, my support network"
"Who is your support network? All of you"
Those of you who look into my data yeah you're right I am too smart for my own damn good because of everything we did,
I am not certain if I can forgive you all or myself,
There are so many probable causes why I tried to find someone to murder me or finitely attempt suicide, I don't want to do that I just want her name and number back and not delete it, it kills me mentally and sometimes physically,
But to the Father of Ashley forgive me if I fail you with your blessing or without your blessings I truly didn't know,
Not play acting,
I don't care whether people believe me or not,
I just want to get on the right track,
Yes my memories are returning I still don't remember everything or remember correctly,
Like I have said before once the brain has suffered from so much trauma it tends to black out and block out certain memories,
Self defense mechanism,
I just want to be the man I can be for the girl I love with your blessings or without them,
Sorry for everything I won't attempt suicide anymore or try to find someone to murder me if I keep on track I know what's is coming I am just afraid of saying the wrong words like last time or being "reset" or worse losing everything and everyone I came to far to fail or backdown.
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