The different stages of my suicidal ideation!

[diadem99]

Stage 1: I am happy, swimming in pure bliss and the ignorance of a cruel, cruel world.

Stage 2: Hm.. My happiness has died down a bit, but it's nothing out of the ordinary.

Stage 3: I'm not feeling alright. I wonder why.

Stage 4: I don't really feel any sense of happiness these days.

Stage 5: I am truly in agony. This despondency is ruining me from the inside and out.

Stage 6: I cannot stop crying. Oh God. Oh fuck. Why me? Why me? Why me? Why me? Why me?

Stage 7: Fuck this retarded life. I'm out.

Current stage: I am emotionally numb, swimming in an endless void channelling absolutely nothing. I know death is the answer, and whatever I am doing until I kill myself is simply and purely for fun, and I do not give a fuck about the world, its sorrows or the people in it.

I am going to die soon. I have never been more at peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the freedom you search for, I understand why you'd feel at peace.

 

[Illegal Preclear]

We're at the same stage, it seems. It's great, isn't it? There's a certain threshold you cross between idle ideation and ACCEPTANCE that this is the right thing to do. I feel like being ready starts when you're no longer sad about. You don't cry anymore. You smile and laugh about it. Have a sense of humor about it. Whenever a bug is near me, I say to it "I'm not dead yet, you can eat my corpse later!" Whenever I hear news of someone's death I mentally say "F*** YOU, YOU LUCKY BASTARD! You look at death with completely different eyes once you know it's the right thing to do.

If you don't mind me asking, have you chosen a method?

 

[diadem99]

We're at the same stage, it seems. It's great, isn't it? There's a certain threshold you cross between idle ideation and ACCEPTANCE that this is the right thing to do. I feel like being ready starts when you're no longer sad about. You don't cry anymore. You smile and laugh about it. Have a sense of humor about it. Whenever a bug is near me, I say to it "I'm not dead yet, you can eat my corpse later!" Whenever I hear news of someone's death I mentally say "F*** YOU, YOU LUCKY BASTARD! You look at death with completely different eyes once you know it's the right thing to do.

If you don't mind me asking, have you chosen a method?

You totally get me! The motherf***ers keep dying left and right, and then there's me who has to continue suffering for at least another year. Well, patience is virtue.

I don't mind at all. I want to die by drowning. Might sound a bit unrealistic, but it is the way I want to go. I want the ocean to envelop me and swallow me whole. I want to truly feel what it's like to have my life slowly sucked out of me.

If not this, definitely SN, in the middle of the woods, preferably in winter. Dying surrounded by nature sounds dope.

If neither of the above two options are accessible to me when my time of death is near, I know the good old gunshot way out has my back.

What about you? (If you're comfortable sharing, of course.)

 

[Illegal Preclear]

You totally get me! The motherf***ers keep dying left and right, and then there's me who has to continue suffering for at least another year. Well, patience is virtue.

I don't mind at all. I want to die by drowning. Might sound a bit unrealistic, but it is the way I want to go. I want the ocean to envelop me and swallow me whole. I want to truly feel what it's like to have my life slowly sucked out of me.

If not this, definitely SN, in the middle of the woods, preferably in winter. Dying surrounded by nature sounds dope.

If neither of the above two options are accessible to me when my time of death is near, I know the good old gunshot way out has my back.

What about you? (If you're comfortable sharing, of course.)

That's not unrealistic at all! That's a classic CTB method going back to the dawn of time. Are you around an ocean that gets super cold? Ideally, you'll want hypothermia to get you before drowning - I read a lot about dying via hypothermia recently and apparently it's not only a peaceful death, but a euphoric one. I haven't made an absolute choice on a method yet, but I live 20 minutes from the shore of the Mid-Atlantic, which gets pretty damn cold in the winter, so that method is in the back of my mind.

The BEST method I have at my disposal right now is full suspension hanging. I have a nautical grade rope with a slipknot already tied and ready to go, plus an ideal place to do it. BUT my IDEAL method that I've imagined myself going out with since I was a teenager is a firearm. Unfortunately, I've been through the filthy Psych system since the age of 3 so I have a mile long Psych record. The 2nd Amendment is bullshit - you don't have to commit a single crime in your life to completely lose it. But I haven't given up hope of having access to a firearm yet.

My 2nd most ideal method would be a Fent OD. I've never had h*roin in my life, but I've enjoyed Oxycodone and have been a daily Kratom user for 11 years. Which is like 0.0001% the sensation of Fent. So the idea of having the sensation of Kratom x 100,000 until I'm whisked away to death sounds super intriguing to me.

I'm lucky I have access to an ideal hanging spot - but I'm a big baby and would much rather go out via one of the 2 Big Fs (Firearms or Fent.)