The day you can't do it

[OnMyLast Legs]

Sharing a feeling and wondering if anyone feels the same.

I don't have a date. I do have responsibilities, a job, kind of. I don't cook or clean anymore. I keep up with laundry--being stinky and germy in public is a bridge too far. But I'm doing the bare minimum to hide my state from others.

Today is a particularly busy day and I think something like this could spell the end. The day it comes to a head and I don't show up for something--that could be the day I hang. Seems like if it happens it'll happen like that: I can't do today, ergo CTB.

OTOH it's much more likely that the embarrassing collapse happens--I can't show up, I'm too depressed, everyone wonders what the hell is going on.

 

[NoHorizon]

This feels absolutely like me. I'm doing the bare minimum to not alert everyone to how suicidal I am. I'm not really coping and most days I wonder if today is the day that I finally can't handle it and kill myself. I feel like I'm just one bad interaction away from doing it.