The day is comming

[laeloth]

The scheduled day is coming. I will fast for 24 hours. 48 might be suspicious and think I'm sick or something. My method is to take an antacid 1 hour before NS, two or three hours before a strong analgesic and during that day my usual anxiolytics, increasing the dose somewhat out of fear. I have atenolol which is a beta blocker and will help with tachycardias. I will prepare two glasses of 25 gr. For 85 kg I think it will be fine. I'm not going to deny that I'm afraid but I can't take this life anymore. It is a price to pay for the unknown. I start to think about the suffering that I will generate for those close to me but I have to. This life has no future. I am an empathetic person and perhaps that is why this is the most difficult step, imagining the pain of others, but in 19 years I have had to fight a lot to keep jobs, a lot of medication ... this is not life. Going out into the street with the fear of a panic attack, not going far or traveling. My brain is not made for this life. I just have to write my note. Fuck, it's hard. I would like someone to hold my hand but I'm going to spend it in absolute solitude. I'll do a parting thread, just that.

 

[virginiawoolf86]

I'm so sorry life has brought you here. Life is especially difficult for empaths like yourself. I too wish I could have someone to hold my hand as I go. So, if it helps, I'll be with you in spirit so you won't have to be alone.

That being said, if you decide not to go, you have a family here to support you. Whatever you choose, I hope it brings you peace.

 

[laeloth]

I'm so sorry life has brought you here. Life is especially difficult for empaths like yourself. I too wish I could have someone to hold my hand as I go. So, if it helps, I'll be with you in spirit so you won't have to be alone.

That being said, if you decide not to go, you have a family here to support you. Whatever you choose, I hope it brings you peace.

Thank you very much from the heart. I'll do a goodbye thread when it's all set. A hug

 

[TripleA]

The scheduled day is coming. I will fast for 24 hours. 48 might be suspicious and think I'm sick or something. My method is to take an antacid 1 hour before NS, two or three hours before a strong analgesic and during that day my usual anxiolytics, increasing the dose somewhat out of fear. I have atenolol which is a beta blocker and will help with tachycardias. I will prepare two glasses of 25 gr. For 85 kg I think it will be fine. I'm not going to deny that I'm afraid but I can't take this life anymore. It is a price to pay for the unknown. I start to think about the suffering that I will generate for those close to me but I have to. This life has no future. I am an empathetic person and perhaps that is why this is the most difficult step, imagining the pain of others, but in 19 years I have had to fight a lot to keep jobs, a lot of medication ... this is not life. Going out into the street with the fear of a panic attack, not going far or traveling. My brain is not made for this life. I just have to write my note. Fuck, it's hard. I would like someone to hold my hand but I'm going to spend it in absolute solitude. I'll do a parting thread, just that.

When you are going? Date?

 

[laeloth]

When you are going? Date?

Friday. I will have 3 and a half hours. I hope it's enough

 

[TripleA]

Friday. I will have 3 and a half hours. I hope it's enough

Wish you luck

 

[BehindTheWall]

I think I know what you are feeling.

No matter what your decision is, I want you to know that we'Il always be there for you.