The date tomorrow with this woman could fuck me up completely

[noname223]

I am so fucking anxious. The thing is I am not even much interested in her. The day today was rough. I was pretty paranoid I might forgot to take my morning medication. It could fuck me up mentally and demonstrate how hopeless my search for a significant other. It could make me pretty suicidal.
But for her specifically I am not that much interested. She knows I am mentally ill. Well this will become red flag for her in the future. Lmfao.
I am a total mess. I am ambivalent whether to take a benzo. I will take a sleeping pill for sure.

Interestingly I have a meeting with roundabout 10 mentally ill people my age next Wednesday. I think I could make good connections that day.

Just another torture day in my life. I have very low expectations. Otherwise the pressure would crush me. Fuck my life!

 

[derpyderpins]

If you're not that interested, there's no reason to take something negative away from it no matter how it goes. There's no pressure. It's essentially a practice session, so if you're going to mess up now is the time.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

if it's possible, try to at least find out what she saw in you and see if you can enhance whatever part of yourself that was for next time. Who knows maybe she'll impress you and give you a reason to like her.

 

[noname223]

Thank you all for your support. I will post this reply in at least two of my threads. My expectations were extremely low. Honestly, I expected Chernobyle to happen. Like similar to when I froze when I tried to approach this e-girl in the clinic. And I have to say I am surprised in a very positive way. However, I think we don't fit we are too different and we both are aware of that. I am not sure what she feels but I think she does not consider us a match. Not sure how and whether our texting will continue. First, we went to a coffee shop and drank something. Honestly, she gives me strong autistic vibes. I might have autism too. She was very uncomfortable to look me in the eyes. It was so fucking obvious how she struggled with it. These autistic traits give positive plus points on my measuring scale. And tbh in real life she looks so much better than on her profile pictures on that dating app. On her pictures she looked so much like a tom boy. On some pictures you would really assume she is male. She looked really well. Her hair, her shirt and damn her eyes. I did not notice her eyes beforehand but they look amazing.

Here's is the problem an issue that is big for many relationships. I am not kind of the guy who likes to be in the nature. Or goes walking, hiking, driving the bicycle. I am a shut in that barely leaves his room. I think it was over when she asked me such questions about being outside and all of that. She told me she would like to go for a walk with me. I thought she meant to walk through the city and maybe some shopping. I was so fucking wrong. We went an 8 kilometer walk that's roudabout 5 miles. (For several hours.) I almost died but I did not show it any second. My fucking new shoes got dirty I was so mad about that. However, one reason for taking care of my outer appearance is finding a gf. And well I better sacrifice my new shoes if I need to if I want find someone.

We are very different. There is not much common between us. We don't drink, we don't smoke she seems to be an honest person. I am not sure whether some of my punchlines of jokes worked well. Sometimes she did not get them, or did not consider them funny but sometimes she laughed. For example when I asked her which were your reasons to download this dating app and why didn't you choose Tinder? It was so uncomfortable when a female beggar with her child begged us for money. Shortly before our date members of a sect wanted to convince me that Jesus loves me. Tbh that helped against my nervousness. There are many instances where we do not fit at all. I am an internet addict. I asked her how often she checks the messagere she most often uses. She told me she would use it often. At least one time a day. Lmao. With this borderline woman I exchanged 100 messages per day.

It was a positive experience. I still feel lonely. But not during our date. I am not sure about the longterm impact on me. I expected it to be way way worse.

 

[slamjoetry]

I'm glad it went better than expected for you, or that it at least wasn't a disaster. Remember, even if you two aren't compatible, it's not the end of the world and it doesn't say anything about you as a person. As someone who's also a huge shut-in, I also wanna say that it might be good for you to try things you don't usually do either. Do you think you'd give a second date a shot? Sometimes I have first dates without a whole lot of chemistry, but the second or third dates are where things start to really click. Hoping for the best for you.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Congrats on the date going better than expected for you. It's good that you don't seem too attached to any outcome either way and that probably contributed to making it go so well.

 

[noname223]

I'm glad it went better than expected for you, or that it at least wasn't a disaster. Remember, even if you two aren't compatible, it's not the end of the world and it doesn't say anything about you as a person. As someone who's also a huge shut-in, I also wanna say that it might be good for you to try things you don't usually do either. Do you think you'd give a second date a shot? Sometimes I have first dates without a whole lot of chemistry, but the second or third dates are where things start to really click. Hoping for the best for you.

Thanks for your comment. And also thanks to @Dr Iron Arc
Yes I would certainly give a second date a chance. My therapists also urged me to do more sports. And well if I am with her I will have to. But to be honest she could motivate me well. I will ruminate about it for sure whether the chemistry might fit between us.