Discussion The Company We Keep

[Bea]

I've struggled with depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideation for decades. Both parents suicidal ~ lotsa good stuff from which to carve an individual who has a thing or two to say on the topic. I'm now a post-middle-aged woman, still rowing this boat we call life. So, I have a bit of insight to share that I've gleaned for myself. It's frightening how long it can take us to learn simple lessons.
The company we keep, whether in real life or online, is what it is all about. This may seem like stating the obvious, but I believe it is worth reminding ourselves. What are you really looking for in others? What kinds of connections are you hoping to form? Are you simply looking for someone to tell you how horrible all your circumstances seem to be, someone who doesn't know anything more than what you share here or in a brief real life convo? Are you looking for a hookup with another suicidal person? Are you hoping to find an angel to save you from yourself, or maybe the perfect devil to inspire you to meet them for a shootout? Are you re-enacting every codependent tendency you've ever had? Are you seeking impossible validation from Muggles in real life?
My point is only that we should pay attention to what kind of relationships we are cultivating in our lives and whether they are serving the purpose we desire. I, for one, am paying far closer attention to where I expend my energy in interactions with others, in real life as well as online. Frankly, I take this shit seriously, first of all, and I'm still battling it. But I have people to live for, and I have decided to keep the boat afloat. I'm ready to talk to others who are still fighting and exhausted with being lions without a roar. Let's find that roar. I need some of you to be willing to find it with me so it will be even louder.
We can all take our own lives whenever we wish; the information and materials are not hard to acquire for most of us. So, let's hold onto that info for when we really need it and keep being badasses in the meantime.
Those of us who battle this and live to tell about it can make suicide a topic people will be more likely to discuss without stigma. Stories of those who have gone already can be told accurately, as well. Let's speak about suicide and suicidal ideation bluntly and put it out there, so the world will be less afraid.
But, we gotta stay alive to speak.

PS ~ If you are a person who is in a situation where you cannot speak openly and have no promise of being able to do so, I mean no offense. I understand all of our circumstances are different. I just think some of us should hold on and find our voices. Our voice is the most powerful tool we have.






struggle

 

[Rachel74]

I have 2 friends in my life, both from work who know the real me.

 

[Nem]

I don't think staying alive is going to solve anything,suicide is my only hope.
Peace/hugs

 

[cowbain]

I know it's impossible. But I'd want someone to help me get out of my situation. My situation is living with my parents (currently only my dad but who knows how long that'll last) they're narcissistic and abusive and honestly make life 10000x more unbearable. They even prevent me from getting proper treatment and inhibit my ability to become more independent. I don't want to play the blame game but if I look at all the problems I have today it all leads back to them ultimately in the end. I've gone to other sites for advice (Reddit, Omegle, discord, etc.) and i always get the same generic advice from people who haven't been in my same position. They all tell me to get a job. And trust me I have. But combined with severe mental illness + being in an abusive environment that tries to sabotage my independence me working wasn't sustainable. So what do I do when I have nonfunctioning mental illnesses? I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I even dropped out of school because of my mental illnesses. I've considered online jobs but because of the mental illnesses even that wouldn't be sustainable. It's like the more intense the mental illnesses got I developed severe brain fog and now my cognitive function is shit. If I could make the brain fog go away that'd be really beneficial and make things a lot easier. Ty to anyone who took the time to read this, I just wanted a place to share my thoughts.

 

[pole]

I know it's impossible. But I'd want someone to help me get out of my situation. My situation is living with my parents (currently only my dad but who knows how long that'll last) they're narcissistic and abusive and honestly make life 10000x more unbearable. They even prevent me from getting proper treatment and inhibit my ability to become more independent. I don't want to play the blame game but if I look at all the problems I have today it all leads back to them ultimately in the end. I've gone to other sites for advice (Reddit, Omegle, discord, etc.) and i always get the same generic advice from people who haven't been in my same position. They all tell me to get a job. And trust me I have. But combined with severe mental illness + being in an abusive environment that tries to sabotage my independence me working wasn't sustainable. So what do I do when I have nonfunctioning mental illnesses? I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I even dropped out of school because of my mental illnesses. I've considered online jobs but because of the mental illnesses even that wouldn't be sustainable. It's like the more intense the mental illnesses got I developed severe brain fog and now my cognitive function is shit. If I could make the brain fog go away that'd be really beneficial and make things a lot easier. Ty to anyone who took the time to read this, I just wanted a place to share my thoughts.

sorry for what you're going through. you want a hand in getting out of you're pain and i get it. it definitely isnt right for people to give you blindless advice. usually generic advice is given because the understanding from the other individuals part isn't genuine, so the advice given itself is ingenuine: which shows in itself. the first thing you need to do isnt get a job. the first thing YOU need to do for YOUR OWN SAKE, is to get out of that negative environment. Im really sorry that you're loved ones are abusive, but that energy is mentally gonna drain you and obviously leave you in a dark place. It seems as if its a foundation for you're negativity. you're very own environment you're suppose to be comfortable in, is the very own environment that's negative in its own way, and feeding into you're negativity and dark thoughts. id move out, the question is where and money for sure. but ur not alone, theres been people in ur situation moving out with nothing. Im sure theres a way to do it, but you gotta get out of that negative environment which is ur household. how do people think your gonna be better, enforce positivity on yourself and your life as a whole if you're stuck in a continous loop of negativity because you're literally living in a negative environment. hope you find a way out and feel better.

I've struggled with depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideation for decades. Both parents suicidal ~ lotsa good stuff from which to carve an individual who has a thing or two to say on the topic. I'm now a post-middle-aged woman, still rowing this boat we call life. So, I have a bit of insight to share that I've gleaned for myself. It's frightening how long it can take us to learn simple lessons.
The company we keep, whether in real life or online, is what it is all about. This may seem like stating the obvious, but I believe it is worth reminding ourselves. What are you really looking for in others? What kinds of connections are you hoping to form? Are you simply looking for someone to tell you how horrible all your circumstances seem to be, someone who doesn't know anything more than what you share here or in a brief real life convo? Are you looking for a hookup with another suicidal person? Are you hoping to find an angel to save you from yourself, or maybe the perfect devil to inspire you to meet them for a shootout? Are you re-enacting every codependent tendency you've ever had? Are you seeking impossible validation from Muggles in real life?
My point is only that we should pay attention to what kind of relationships we are cultivating in our lives and whether they are serving the purpose we desire. I, for one, am paying far closer attention to where I expend my energy in interactions with others, in real life as well as online. Frankly, I take this shit seriously, first of all, and I'm still battling it. But I have people to live for, and I have decided to keep the boat afloat. I'm ready to talk to others who are still fighting and exhausted with being lions without a roar. Let's find that roar. I need some of you to be willing to find it with me so it will be even louder.
We can all take our own lives whenever we wish; the information and materials are not hard to acquire for most of us. So, let's hold onto that info for when we really need it and keep being badasses in the meantime.
Those of us who battle this and live to tell about it can make suicide a topic people will be more likely to discuss without stigma. Stories of those who have gone already can be told accurately, as well. Let's speak about suicide and suicidal ideation bluntly and put it out there, so the world will be less afraid.
But, we gotta stay alive to speak.

PS ~ If you are a person who is in a situation where you cannot speak openly and have no promise of being able to do so, I mean no offense. I understand all of our circumstances are different. I just think some of us should hold on and find our voices. Our voice is the most powerful tool we have.






struggle

Its tough. i believed i surrounded myself around bestfriends, kept my circle extremely tight FOR YEARS. Id known a couple bestfriends of mine FOR YEARS. id do anything for them. i never opened up to them till this year, and they destroyed my trust, took advantage of it, threw it back in my face and invalidated my feelings and emotions behind my back to others. i'm definitely not able to trust anyone on that level again and iv learned my lesson. probably gonna keep everything i truly feel inside.

though since then, and since schools started, iv reconnected with other best friends of mine; 4 of us whom have known eachother since kindergarten and been friends with since then, which is crazy. and iv been with them alot the past few weeks and its controlled my sanity. i feel like when im alone is when i feel the most suicidal and depressed. I desperately need to be around people, and only then do i really feel at peace; simply because im just forgetting about how i feel and my thoughts for even a temporary period of time when im out.

 

[cowbain]

sorry for what you're going through. you want a hand in getting out of you're pain and i get it. it definitely isnt right for people to give you blindless advice. usually generic advice is given because the understanding from the other individuals part isn't genuine, so the advice given itself is ingenuine: which shows in itself. the first thing you need to do isnt get a job. the first thing YOU need to do for YOUR OWN SAKE, is to get out of that negative environment. Im really sorry that you're loved ones are abusive, but that energy is mentally gonna drain you and obviously leave you in a dark place. It seems as if its a foundation for you're negativity. you're very own environment you're suppose to be comfortable in, is the very own environment that's negative in its own way, and feeding into you're negativity and dark thoughts. id move out, the question is where and money for sure. but ur not alone, theres been people in ur situation moving out with nothing. Im sure theres a way to do it, but you gotta get out of that negative environment which is ur household. how do people think your gonna be better, enforce positivity on yourself and your life as a whole if you're stuck in a continous loop of negativity because you're literally living in a negative environment. hope you find a way out and feel better.

Ty for understanding my pain. I wish more people thought like this.

 

[Bea]

I know it's impossible. But I'd want someone to help me get out of my situation. My situation is living with my parents (currently only my dad but who knows how long that'll last) they're narcissistic and abusive and honestly make life 10000x more unbearable. They even prevent me from getting proper treatment and inhibit my ability to become more independent. I don't want to play the blame game but if I look at all the problems I have today it all leads back to them ultimately in the end. I've gone to other sites for advice (Reddit, Omegle, discord, etc.) and i always get the same generic advice from people who haven't been in my same position. They all tell me to get a job. And trust me I have. But combined with severe mental illness + being in an abusive environment that tries to sabotage my independence me working wasn't sustainable. So what do I do when I have nonfunctioning mental illnesses? I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I even dropped out of school because of my mental illnesses. I've considered online jobs but because of the mental illnesses even that wouldn't be sustainable. It's like the more intense the mental illnesses got I developed severe brain fog and now my cognitive function is shit. If I could make the brain fog go away that'd be really beneficial and make things a lot easier. Ty to anyone who took the time to read this, I just wanted a place to share my thoughts.

can you apply for disability?

Ty for understanding my pain. I wish more people thought like this.

Our environment is practically everything. But even our environment can't change who we actually ARE. I hope you find a way to connect with yourself and find strength there because no one outside of yourself can touch that. Then make a plan to get out of there. I encourage you to seek disability, but that does take awhile.