I live this imposed act they call life
Every day I drag myself out of one nightmare only to enter another just quieter more orderly more insidious
I don't wake by choice but because the biological clock spits me out of sleep like a rejection
And I go back to wearing this body that weighs on me that irritates me that can hurt me in a thousand ways even just by standing still
A body that ages that decays that gets sick and every day reminds me that I am nothing but borrowed flesh
The people around me are ghosts that make noise
I didn't choose them I endure them
Yet I have to meet them listen to them tolerate them because that's how it works they say
Society coexistence relationships empty words
I find nothing in them but constant discomfort a forced march
Everyone pretends I don't want to pretend anymore
Every day is a broken mechanism I keep spinning
Trapped in this routine that pretends to be meaning
I fill the hours with useless actions just to avoid going completely insane
But I don't want distractions
I don't want hobbies pottery classes meditation painting mindful cooking
I just want to say that this existence disgusts me
I'm not looking for comfort
I'm not looking for salvation
I see and that's it
I see the brutality of existence the farce of hope the lie of those who say it will get better
Every day is one more scratch one less chance one step closer to nothing
And that nothing yes I long for it
I'm still here but not by choice
I'm here because my biological cage doesn't open easily
Because the exit is painful brutal final
And yet I look at it every day I contemplate it I respect it
Because it's the only truth that doesn't lie
This is me
No poetry no beauty no consolation
Only the truth naked cold nauseating
And if someone manages to read to the end without turning away
then maybe I'm not alone
Hello everyone
Every day I drag myself out of one nightmare only to enter another just quieter more orderly more insidious
I don't wake by choice but because the biological clock spits me out of sleep like a rejection
And I go back to wearing this body that weighs on me that irritates me that can hurt me in a thousand ways even just by standing still
A body that ages that decays that gets sick and every day reminds me that I am nothing but borrowed flesh
The people around me are ghosts that make noise
I didn't choose them I endure them
Yet I have to meet them listen to them tolerate them because that's how it works they say
Society coexistence relationships empty words
I find nothing in them but constant discomfort a forced march
Everyone pretends I don't want to pretend anymore
Every day is a broken mechanism I keep spinning
Trapped in this routine that pretends to be meaning
I fill the hours with useless actions just to avoid going completely insane
But I don't want distractions
I don't want hobbies pottery classes meditation painting mindful cooking
I just want to say that this existence disgusts me
I'm not looking for comfort
I'm not looking for salvation
I see and that's it
I see the brutality of existence the farce of hope the lie of those who say it will get better
Every day is one more scratch one less chance one step closer to nothing
And that nothing yes I long for it
I'm still here but not by choice
I'm here because my biological cage doesn't open easily
Because the exit is painful brutal final
And yet I look at it every day I contemplate it I respect it
Because it's the only truth that doesn't lie
This is me
No poetry no beauty no consolation
Only the truth naked cold nauseating
And if someone manages to read to the end without turning away
then maybe I'm not alone
Hello everyone
