The Anger anyone?

[Marawa]

Dealing with the anger of all those that have failed me is driven me insane. I hope it is a precursor to ctb. I attempted earlier this week without antimetics & threw up. One of dozens of attemps.
Does anyone else live with seething anger how do you deal?

 

[21Neberg]

I have lost all anger actually. I'm not even that angry towards the people who used to bully me anymore. In fact, I agree with them nowadays. I hate myself too.

 

[mattwitt]

I have very high blood pressure and have to deal with anger and stress 24/7

 

[Donewith_]

Sorry to hear about your attempt. Hope it didn't have long lasting effects.
I just go to sleep or say people I have a splitting headache, I stay calm ,just keep to myself. I know if I interact with others, I will hurt them without any fault of theirs.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I have lost all anger actually. I'm not even that angry towards the people who used to bully me anymore. In fact, I agree with them nowadays. I hate myself too.

Your stalker here. You're a sweetie, try not to hate yourself x

 

[JustAboutDone]

Dealing with the anger of all those that have failed me is driven me insane. I hope it is a precursor to ctb. I attempted earlier this week without antimetics & threw up. One of dozens of attemps.
Does anyone else live with seething anger how do you deal?

I think it's a really natural human response to feel anger and hurt and betrayal. When people who are supposed to care let you down then you do feel angry and that can manifest in all kinds of ways. It's very hard to deal with but it does dissipate with time. I can only say I wouldn't let how others treat me make me want to ctb, I'd want it to be my choice when I want - I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of thinking they had that sort of power over my feelings xx

 

[Marawa]

Thanks for all the responses & insights. I never been angry before just sad.
Now I hope the anger will propel me into action either way.
Thanks everyone

 

[JustAboutDone]

Someone on the forum mentioned running as a way to deal with the white hot rage that you can feel. Or punch bag at the gym. I'm just sorry that people drive you to feel this way, it's pretty awful, isn't it? Especially from people who are supposed to care xx

 

[Marawa]

Just
The irony! I dream of running again. I use a walker now. But I have exercise gadgets. Might try using them with that goal in mind.
It's not them I want to ctb but their rejection doesn't help.

 

[Marawa]

I think it's a really natural human response to feel anger and hurt and betrayal. When people who are supposed to care let you down then you do feel angry and that can manifest in all kinds of ways. It's very hard to deal with but it does dissipate with time. I can only say I wouldn't let how others treat me make me want to ctb, I'd want it to be my choice when I want - I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of thinking they had that sort of power over my feelings xx

I'm 50. But I get what you're saying. I wish I had been angry b4 I got disabled. Before I wasted so much time helping them. !

 

[Marawa]

I can't run anymore but I will try something. Crawling out of my skin

 

[JustAboutDone]

I can't run anymore but I will try something. Crawling out of my skin

I'm 50. But I get what you're saying. I wish I had been angry b4 I got disabled. Before I wasted so much time helping them. !

Oh I so agree; I wish anger came at the right time. I cannot even start to think what it must be to not be able to work off the fury in exercise - please forgive me for that, I had no idea of your disability. As for the wasted time, I empathise - I tried to share the life i had carved out for myself and happiness I had found with my mother for twenty years only for her to destroy me with her bitterness and resentment. I should have left her to her own devices years ago!

 

[JustAboutDone]

Just
The irony! I dream of running again. I use a walker now. But I have exercise gadgets. Might try using them with that goal in mind.
It's not them I want to ctb but their rejection doesn't help.

Some people just want to take what they can and they screw people up like a piece of crumpled paper when they have finished. I've come to the conclusion that they are the ones with the problem if that's how they treat people x

 

[Marawa]

No apology needed. Just appreciate you & all the thoughtful responses.
I'm sorry I know what a succubus mother is like, I have one ask my kids they say I am one, go figure.
I would just say this to you- I don't think my mom knows any better & of course I thought I did better. WRONG. My kid thinks i handicapped him. Vicious vicious cycle

 

[Marawa]

Some people just want to take what they can and they screw people up like a piece of crumpled paper when they have finished. I've come to the conclusion that they are the ones with the problem if that's how they treat people x

That's very true. Had a few psychopaths in my life. Sometimes they just don't have the skill because they were raised that way. Glad you got away & made peace

 

[JustAboutDone]

No apology needed. Just appreciate you & all the thoughtful responses.
I'm sorry I know what a succubus mother is like, I have one ask my kids they say I am one, go figure.
I would just say this to you- I don't think my mom knows any better & of course I thought I did better. WRONG. My kid thinks i handicapped him. Vicious vicious cycle

I am fine with my mother hurting me - she did it for years! But she hurt my son and that just broke my heart into pieces :-( as I did everything to make sure he had the loving secure life I never had.

And the thing with her is she does what she does deliberately to hurt, it would be easier if she couldn't help it but she enjoys the power of inflicting pain and that is hard to bear.

I think you are spot on - it becomes a vicious cycle until that's broken. Maybe you have broken the cycle with your child but they are yet to see the good? It's hard isn't it x

 

[lost_soul83]

My anger has become overwhelming. I just keep thinking to myself, "why would anyone want to spend time with me? I'm horrible!" My mom laughs at me because I say, "I hate people," quite frequently, but it's true. No one has any compassion or empathy for anyone anymore. If it's not going on inside their little personal bubble, they don't care. This makes me insanely angry. It seems that I care about people too much and everyone else doesn't care at all. Life and people these days just fucking suck, all there is to it.

 

[daikon]

I'm so angry and tense that it brings me physical pain — I have back and shoulder spams a lot. Drinking "helps", and I've found that turning the anger into sadness can at least give you the outlet of crying. Nothing like a good mournful scream and a couple glasses of wine. I also find it soothing to say that others' actions against me don't matter because I'll be dead soon anyway. It's not a permanent solution, but none of us are looking for those anyway, haha. Obviously physical exercise, meditation, and creative outlets are said to be be better, but I feel like you wouldn't be here if those had worked for you (they certainly haven't for me.)

People are cruel and thoughtless and selfish and stupid. The worst is when you convince yourself they're not and get a rude awakening. At least the users on this site are pretty nice.

 

[Norest4thewicked]

When I was a young man, I used to take my anger out on other people. Got me into a lot of trouble with the police. Other times, it would turn inwards and burn like an impotent rage. In my early fiftys now. I try to rationalise my anger these days. I'm not advocating this to anyone, but I have found that for the past twenty or so years, indica dominant strains of weed seem to calm me down. Sometimes its a case of whatever works

 

[Misanthrope]

I have extremely intense anger. I vent pretty intensely about it here and likely have raged elsewhere on this site. I am too sick and lazy to repeat myself. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/whats-the-angriest-youve-been-rage-fuel.9450/#post-165271 ~ https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...he-world-has-corrupted-them.7349/#post-124136

Recently I stepped down from voluntary moding on the work website because of the trolls that kept arriving and insulting the client base. All vulnerable people with already very low self esteem, likely bullied and abused through a large chunk of their life. I have no shred of professionalism left and was getting to the point I wanted to hunt them down, gouge out their eyes and shatter their spine in 37 places. So they too could know what it is to be helpless and in chronic pain then vilified by all of society for it.

I am pretty much chronically angry, sick, or depressed. Much of it born from enduring and witnessing injustice and unaccountability. Some of that injustice killed my friend.

Sometimes I wonder how violently change would come if we were not all so sedated, distracted, or cowed by immediate survival into accepting this absurd shit ruling over us. I am also surprised people are not more enraged. I am glad I do not have children because they are set to inherit a wasteland. Not just environmentally but also when it comes to fulfilment and being able to thrive. Such rigged systems should be making people far angrier. You get people saying though anger is not the answer… I find that baffling as if anger has been demonised to the point we are reduced to passive free range slaves that must never question our masters or raise our voice. There are plenty of justifiable things to be incensed over!

 

[Buddyluv19]

I've always had difficulty with anger. It was not allowed in my family of origin - at least not for the kids. So I stuffed it and/or turned it inwards. Vigorous exercise used to work well, but I'm too ill for that now. As I prepare for my exit, I have done a lot of reflecting about my life. Although I have accomplished a lot, given a lot, been beloved of many, all has dissolved into illness and isolation. Right now I just feel extremely sad, but I'm sure there's anger underneath it.

Wait, I just remembered there's the state of the union address in the US tomorrow. Now I feel anger!

 

[Misanthrope]

I have lost all anger actually. I'm not even that angry towards the people who used to bully me anymore. In fact, I agree with them nowadays. I hate myself too.

May I ask why you hate yourself?

 

[21Neberg]

May I ask why you hate yourself?

I'm ugly, oh so ugly. I hate seeing myself in the mirror. I have so much anxiety when I'm outside the house that it cripples my social interactions sometimes, and memories of my awkwardness keep me up at night. My anxiety also stops me from accomplishing things many people my age are expected to accomplish, such as acquiring a drivers license. I've barely slept the past week because I'm starting driving lessons next week. This among other things I guess.

 

[JustAboutDone]

@21Neberg
Your stalker here..
someone with a personality as kind as yours can never be ugly because the kindness of a person shines through on the outside and makes them beautiful. I promise that is true.

I was terrified to learn to drive. I actually took (ssshhhhh don't tell anyone I know) five driving tests and on one test I actually drove on to a roundabout - the actual bit in the middle where they keep the plants and trees and the test examiner person had to reverse it off...

But I've been driving now for donkeys years trouble free :-). If I can, and I'm a MUPPET, you will I promise xx

 

[21Neberg]

@21Neberg
Your stalker here..
someone with a personality as kind as yours can never be ugly because the kindness of a person shines through on the outside and makes them beautiful. I promise that is true.

I was terrified to learn to drive. I actually took (ssshhhhh don't tell anyone I know) five driving tests and on one test I actually drove on to a roundabout - the actual bit in the middle where they keep the plants and trees and the test examiner person had to reverse it off...

But I've been driving now for donkeys years trouble free :-). If I can, and I'm a MUPPET, you will I promise xx

That's really kind of you to say again. I don't know, I just don't know what it all will be like and I'll probably fail so thats why I'm afraid... though I hope I get the chance to try to hang myself again before that.

 

[JustAboutDone]

That's really kind of you to say again. I don't know, I just don't know what it all will be like and I'll probably fail so thats why I'm afraid... though I hope I get the chance to try to hang myself again before that.

There's never anything wrong with failing as it's what we learn from, if we tried something and it all went right we wouldn't learn
Driving is fun - picture this: empty road in the Summer, music on loud, sun shining through the windows :-) best feeling x

 

[Marawa]

I have lost all anger actually. I'm not even that angry towards the people who used to bully me anymore. In fact, I agree with them nowadays. I hate myself too.

Please don't believe them. Bullies are insecure people with the opposite problem- think the world owes them something. Sometimes they are just so f-ed up as us. Sometimes they want to ctb to. If you choose, as people tell me here, let it be for you not them. The world is to big to let a group influence how you feel about you

 

[Marawa]

I have very high blood pressure and have to deal with anger and stress 24/7

I'm sorry to hear that. My ctb desires include mostly health problems. I try mindfulness all the bs. Nothing works. And you?

 

[Marawa]

I'm so angry and tense that it brings me physical pain — I have back and shoulder spams a lot. Drinking "helps", and I've found that turning the anger into sadness can at least give you the outlet of crying. Nothing like a good mournful scream and a couple glasses of wine. I also find it soothing to say that others' actions against me don't matter because I'll be dead soon anyway. It's not a permanent solution, but none of us are looking for those anyway, haha. Obviously physical exercise, meditation, and creative outlets are said to be be better, but I feel like you wouldn't be here if those had worked for you (they certainly haven't for me.)

People are cruel and thoughtless and selfish and stupid. The worst is when you convince yourself they're not and get a rude awakening. At least the users on this site are pretty nice.

Aman! People are can be awful, myself included. I also live in chronic pain & the depression intensifies it, I don't know where it ends & begins! I'm sorry your experience it too. Creator Helen us all

 

[Marawa]

I've always had difficulty with anger. It was not allowed in my family of origin - at least not for the kids. So I stuffed it and/or turned it inwards. Vigorous exercise used to work well, but I'm too ill for that now. As I prepare for my exit, I have done a lot of reflecting about my life. Although I have accomplished a lot, given a lot, been beloved of many, all has dissolved into illness and isolation. Right now I just feel extremely sad, but I'm sure there's anger underneath it.

Wait, I just remembered there's the state of the union address in the US tomorrow. Now I feel anger!

If I here ISIS, caravan one more time I think I'll snap. I'm black & I don't care if Northem wore a monkey suit- Trump's starting WW3 & I do love my ingrateful kids.