Welcome back to the continuing adventures of.....
The UPS Man Saga
What Brown did for her?
Perhaps you all have catchier titles.
First of all: thank you so much for your comments, support, suggestions, and encouragement. It means the world to me to know that my little saga resonated with even a few people. All the comments, good, bad, and indifferent, were greatly appreciated!
Now that I understand what "update me" means, here is an update.
First, here are some updates I posted on the original part one as "edits:"
Edit 1: An hour ago she told me she was "going to the library and to get a few more things for dinner." It never takes her this long. She is literally with him right now! Some pair on that woman.
Edit 2: I've been ignoring her all day and I can tell she suspects something is up with my behavior but is afraid to confront me about it out of fear of......learning the truth? Or the truth coming out?
As she usually cooks on weekends, I actually got up from typing away, went to the kitchen, ate a bowl of salad as she made a big salad, fed a few of the cats (since she did not), washed my dishes, put a few dishes away, said hardly a word to her, except for a nod when she asked how the salad was, and here I am, back typing with you. Didn't ask if she wanted to eat with me, nothing. She knows I suspect something, has to be.
Edit 3: Well she just walked into the bedroom and she saw I was typing. As soon as she walked in I stopped, put my phone down on the bedside charger, waited for her to leave, and then left to go brush my teeth. Hee hee.
Now, this morning.
I slept better, and longer than I have in years and years. I usually have trouble sleeping, and am frequently up at night, reading, thinking, ruminating, you name it.
It was nice to see 7:15 am this morning on my clock instead of the usual 4 am, or earlier when I woke up this morning. I think the two cats that slept next to me appreciated it too!
When I left the bedroom, she was already awake and staring at her phone like usual.
When she saw me, she said what I found to be slightly more chipper than usual "good morning."
My reply was a low muttered....."morning."
That was it. She told me how she fed one of the usual cats that show up at our door for food (I do TNR and feed colonies in my spare time around town) and I ignored her.
I cleaned litter boxes, had some breakfast, made coffee, and now I'm back in my bedroom recliner, headphones on, typing away.
Just a moment ago she came into the bedroom and for once I was the one who quickly clicked off a website I was on. HA! No, she does not Reddit, so the odds of her being here and seeing this are quite slim. Even if she did, I have nothing to hide, so let her read it!
Grabbing her coat just now, she muttered a quiet "I'm going to get my nails done" and just left.
I said nothing. I didn't even look up from my MacBook.
Going to get her nails done.
Is that what they're calling it these days?
She's definitely affected by my behavioral 180. Just to be clear: I was my normal usual self with her until roughly 9 pm this past Friday, and have barely said a word to her since, nor do I have a desire to. A complete 180. She personifies stubbornness, so she won't ADMIT to it, but it's pretty clear my coldness is affecting her and she has to be wondering what's going on, or if I KNOW.
That being said, I'm trying not to spend too much time in her head, or wondering what she is thinking, or doing. At this point I do not care and feel nothing for her, so what she thinks is her own problem, not mine.
Frankly, I can't stand the sight of her. Literally, I cannot look at her. This was a woman who, after a lifetime of failed relationships, who I thought was really, finally, someone I could truly open up to. To let me guard down and be MYSELF.
Someone to be vulnerable around, someone who could know the real me, flaws, worries, and all.
Instead, my all-time favorite John Lennon quote comes to mind:
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
Speaking of plans, I had a slight change of heart, and change of mind, especially after speaking to boss #2.
Many of you have asked, even close friends of mine, the following:
"Why are you still there? Why didn't you end it?"
"Why has she not left? Why is she still there?"
As to her reasons, I can only speculate that I do not think she can afford this apartment on her own. One of our biggest issues was money.
I was a financial idiot, she was not.
I am, however, not afraid to ask for a raise.
She is.
She pays her bills but has no savings. She is also one of those people who refuses to ask her son, now pushing 26, to pay towards rent or any of the bills.
That right there was one of our biggest arguments in all our time together.
If I was Jeff Bezos this wouldn't be an issue.
Neither of us is, so I felt he should be contributing, especially since he is making more than we are!
Nope, that stubbornness reared its ugly head once again, and I always lost this argument.
As I said in part one, I have spent the past 3 years working on my health, which I have regained, and the better part of the past 2 years learning how not to be a financial idiot with the aid of a friend of mine who is a financial advisor. I gained control of my spending, paid off debts, repaid my back taxes from an old 1099 job, and sold a ton of stuff on FB marketplace and Poshmark and CL: electronics, old clothes, all the crap I had sitting around in storage that served no purpose but could go to another home and be used.
Just this morning I sold the older Macbook I had that she was using from time to time.
All told, I have made it my business to live within my means and build up savings so I can be on my own and never have to rely on anyone except myself again.
With that being said, the plan I spoke of in part one has been altered, after giving it more thought and speaking to two of my closest friends.
I will be the one moving out.
Not her.
Allow me to explain.
I am starting a second job tomorrow for someone I used to work for over a decade ago. It will more than double what I bring home each week for 20 hours of work per week helping him out a few evenings a week at his home office. When this position came up, he had me in mind as we kept in touch here and there. I actually spoke with him last night and mentioned the difficulties I am having, how the next few weeks will be quite an upheaval for me, and how I didn't want him to think it will be interfering with my work.
His response? He also knows of an apartment, one I looked at and should have taken 12 years ago, that is in a house museum in the same town. He will speak to them on my behalf and I will try and go see the apartment tomorrow. I used to work for this house museum in another life, so I know the people there.
I will also be speaking with my landlord and his wife tomorrow since we all work from home and GF does not. I was here first and they've always treated me like family. I want them to be aware of EVERYTHING that is going on and my intentions to leave. As I have last month's rent and security, I won't have to pay rent for the next two months and can use that towards the new place. I will work that part out.
Assuming it all goes to plan and I sign the lease this week, I will be telling GF that I will be moving out.
Leaving her with the rent bill here.
If it does not work out, I will still look for an apartment nearby. I know a few people who do real estate where I live, so I'm sure I can find something.
I think that is the best plan of action. It will also give me a chance for a truly fresh start in a new place, free of this dead weight and all the memories it involves.
It will also be easier on her son. He can keep his room and maybe possibly I won't be the bad guy. I do love the kid and would like to remain a father figure in his life if he wants that. That's up to him.
All I know is I am determined to get out.
To be free of her. To be free of this.
Whatever it takes.
She's a liar.
She's a cheater.
She's a total stranger to me now.
And I prefer it that way.
Trust me, when I tell you, I tried everything humanly possible to try and fix this, and fix this relationship. I tried to talk, tried to be romantic, tried everything.
Everything.
It was met with coldness and indifference.
I'm done trying. No more games, no more effort.
It's time to go.
Thank you all for reading!
TL/DR: I've been a cold fish to GF and am planning my exit.
The UPS Man Saga
What Brown did for her?
Perhaps you all have catchier titles.
First of all: thank you so much for your comments, support, suggestions, and encouragement. It means the world to me to know that my little saga resonated with even a few people. All the comments, good, bad, and indifferent, were greatly appreciated!
Now that I understand what "update me" means, here is an update.
First, here are some updates I posted on the original part one as "edits:"
Edit 1: An hour ago she told me she was "going to the library and to get a few more things for dinner." It never takes her this long. She is literally with him right now! Some pair on that woman.
Edit 2: I've been ignoring her all day and I can tell she suspects something is up with my behavior but is afraid to confront me about it out of fear of......learning the truth? Or the truth coming out?
As she usually cooks on weekends, I actually got up from typing away, went to the kitchen, ate a bowl of salad as she made a big salad, fed a few of the cats (since she did not), washed my dishes, put a few dishes away, said hardly a word to her, except for a nod when she asked how the salad was, and here I am, back typing with you. Didn't ask if she wanted to eat with me, nothing. She knows I suspect something, has to be.
Edit 3: Well she just walked into the bedroom and she saw I was typing. As soon as she walked in I stopped, put my phone down on the bedside charger, waited for her to leave, and then left to go brush my teeth. Hee hee.
Now, this morning.
I slept better, and longer than I have in years and years. I usually have trouble sleeping, and am frequently up at night, reading, thinking, ruminating, you name it.
It was nice to see 7:15 am this morning on my clock instead of the usual 4 am, or earlier when I woke up this morning. I think the two cats that slept next to me appreciated it too!
When I left the bedroom, she was already awake and staring at her phone like usual.
When she saw me, she said what I found to be slightly more chipper than usual "good morning."
My reply was a low muttered....."morning."
That was it. She told me how she fed one of the usual cats that show up at our door for food (I do TNR and feed colonies in my spare time around town) and I ignored her.
I cleaned litter boxes, had some breakfast, made coffee, and now I'm back in my bedroom recliner, headphones on, typing away.
Just a moment ago she came into the bedroom and for once I was the one who quickly clicked off a website I was on. HA! No, she does not Reddit, so the odds of her being here and seeing this are quite slim. Even if she did, I have nothing to hide, so let her read it!
Grabbing her coat just now, she muttered a quiet "I'm going to get my nails done" and just left.
I said nothing. I didn't even look up from my MacBook.
Going to get her nails done.
Is that what they're calling it these days?
She's definitely affected by my behavioral 180. Just to be clear: I was my normal usual self with her until roughly 9 pm this past Friday, and have barely said a word to her since, nor do I have a desire to. A complete 180. She personifies stubbornness, so she won't ADMIT to it, but it's pretty clear my coldness is affecting her and she has to be wondering what's going on, or if I KNOW.
That being said, I'm trying not to spend too much time in her head, or wondering what she is thinking, or doing. At this point I do not care and feel nothing for her, so what she thinks is her own problem, not mine.
Frankly, I can't stand the sight of her. Literally, I cannot look at her. This was a woman who, after a lifetime of failed relationships, who I thought was really, finally, someone I could truly open up to. To let me guard down and be MYSELF.
Someone to be vulnerable around, someone who could know the real me, flaws, worries, and all.
Instead, my all-time favorite John Lennon quote comes to mind:
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
Speaking of plans, I had a slight change of heart, and change of mind, especially after speaking to boss #2.
Many of you have asked, even close friends of mine, the following:
"Why are you still there? Why didn't you end it?"
"Why has she not left? Why is she still there?"
As to her reasons, I can only speculate that I do not think she can afford this apartment on her own. One of our biggest issues was money.
I was a financial idiot, she was not.
I am, however, not afraid to ask for a raise.
She is.
She pays her bills but has no savings. She is also one of those people who refuses to ask her son, now pushing 26, to pay towards rent or any of the bills.
That right there was one of our biggest arguments in all our time together.
If I was Jeff Bezos this wouldn't be an issue.
Neither of us is, so I felt he should be contributing, especially since he is making more than we are!
Nope, that stubbornness reared its ugly head once again, and I always lost this argument.
As I said in part one, I have spent the past 3 years working on my health, which I have regained, and the better part of the past 2 years learning how not to be a financial idiot with the aid of a friend of mine who is a financial advisor. I gained control of my spending, paid off debts, repaid my back taxes from an old 1099 job, and sold a ton of stuff on FB marketplace and Poshmark and CL: electronics, old clothes, all the crap I had sitting around in storage that served no purpose but could go to another home and be used.
Just this morning I sold the older Macbook I had that she was using from time to time.
All told, I have made it my business to live within my means and build up savings so I can be on my own and never have to rely on anyone except myself again.
With that being said, the plan I spoke of in part one has been altered, after giving it more thought and speaking to two of my closest friends.
I will be the one moving out.
Not her.
Allow me to explain.
I am starting a second job tomorrow for someone I used to work for over a decade ago. It will more than double what I bring home each week for 20 hours of work per week helping him out a few evenings a week at his home office. When this position came up, he had me in mind as we kept in touch here and there. I actually spoke with him last night and mentioned the difficulties I am having, how the next few weeks will be quite an upheaval for me, and how I didn't want him to think it will be interfering with my work.
His response? He also knows of an apartment, one I looked at and should have taken 12 years ago, that is in a house museum in the same town. He will speak to them on my behalf and I will try and go see the apartment tomorrow. I used to work for this house museum in another life, so I know the people there.
I will also be speaking with my landlord and his wife tomorrow since we all work from home and GF does not. I was here first and they've always treated me like family. I want them to be aware of EVERYTHING that is going on and my intentions to leave. As I have last month's rent and security, I won't have to pay rent for the next two months and can use that towards the new place. I will work that part out.
Assuming it all goes to plan and I sign the lease this week, I will be telling GF that I will be moving out.
Leaving her with the rent bill here.
If it does not work out, I will still look for an apartment nearby. I know a few people who do real estate where I live, so I'm sure I can find something.
I think that is the best plan of action. It will also give me a chance for a truly fresh start in a new place, free of this dead weight and all the memories it involves.
It will also be easier on her son. He can keep his room and maybe possibly I won't be the bad guy. I do love the kid and would like to remain a father figure in his life if he wants that. That's up to him.
All I know is I am determined to get out.
To be free of her. To be free of this.
Whatever it takes.
She's a liar.
She's a cheater.
She's a total stranger to me now.
And I prefer it that way.
Trust me, when I tell you, I tried everything humanly possible to try and fix this, and fix this relationship. I tried to talk, tried to be romantic, tried everything.
Everything.
It was met with coldness and indifference.
I'm done trying. No more games, no more effort.
It's time to go.
Thank you all for reading!
TL/DR: I've been a cold fish to GF and am planning my exit.
