Venting Temptation

[Aphid]

i keep going despite everything, I keep tempting those I love into doing horrible shit im a bad influence and I cause so many problems with everyone I care about I don't even know how im alive. I want to be intimate with this sweet girl I know but I can't she has a partner, but I know that she wants to as well and it's horrible because I don't want to be a homewrecker. I need to cast off these feelings, I need to stop being such a horrible person. This has happened so many times before and im just. So sick of being this person. I'm so sick and tired of being this horrible thing. She said it's not my fault but it really is if I hadn't been like this if I hadn't done that it would never have been a problem. I hate hurting people. I hate making things issues I hate it I hate it. I just want to love and be sweet and loved. I want to make up for all the horrible shit but I'll never be able to because there is something fundamentally wrong with me and how I love others, and how I perceive relationships. I'm such a problem. I really should have caught the bus so long ago. Ohhh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy, fuck.