Tell me your problems, why do you want to CTB?

[Going Home]

Having every ray of hope squashed by a sociopath who turns people against me.
People making decisions for me not including me.
Being announced "the psycho is up" when I get out of bed, same group of people.
Not being given information then called stupid.
Being isolated by others. Feels like I live in a ghost town.
Being slandered, called dirty, lazy, told I don't deserve to live, don't deserve basic respect and slandered things that are not me.
Forced to get rid of my pet.
Being watched during personal care.
If my life doesn't really belong to me it's not worth living.

 

[justabouttobedone]

I lived half of my with depression and anxiety. Tried many things to leave bad memories and depression behind but nothing really worked. I born with bad genes, grew up in a shitty environment, didn't use my time to get new skills and improve my personality. And as if that is not enough, I lost most of my mental abilities because of an unplanned stupid suicide attempt. But I don't want lose my hope and leave wet eyes behind. I will try one more time and I will do my best not to waste the efforts and expectations of my loved ones. If I fail despite all my efforts, there will be no choice left for me but suicide.

 

[brighter]

I lived half of my with depression and anxiety. Tried many things to leave bad memories and depression behind but nothing really worked. I born with bad genes, grew up in a shitty environment, didn't use my time to get new skills and improve my personality. And as if that is not enough, I lost most of my mental abilities because of an unplanned stupid suicide attempt. But I don't want lose my hope and leave wet eyes behind. I will try one more time and I will do my best not to waste the efforts and expectations of my loved ones. If I fail despite all my efforts, there will be no choice left for me but suicide.

@JustAboutDone
huh *scratches head and looks about confused*
looks like we found you a nearly twin nearly done :) lol

 

[odette]

If someone would hug me and comfort me once in a while, I wouldn't want to die. The fact that nobody is wiling to do that is proof positive that I should be dead.

 

[Redt2go]

If someone would hug me and comfort me once in a while, I wouldn't want to die. The fact that nobody is wiling to do that is proof positive that I should be dead.

Best I can do

 

[wishfulthinking]

No money, no job, no prospects, no motivation to do anything about it due to the shit society we are forced to live in, where we bow and scrape and slave away our lives until we die so a select few can live like emperors. It's a joke. I know there are people who have it way worse than me but I can't do anything about it. Nothing interests me anymore since I realised life was just a stupid game, and an extremely unfair one at that. Everything just feels pointless, because it is.Thank you for letting me rant!

Same here... -.-

 

[odette]

Someone help me

What do you need, buddy?

 

[odette]

Ctb desperate and urgent !!!!!!!!!

Why do you want to CTB? Would you like to tell us?

 

[odette]

Brain fried in pain suffering

What caused the pain? I'm here, I'm listening.

 

[StGerman]

Just really intense depression/bipolar mix that seems to have fried my brain. I could generally overcome any problems I've had if it weren't for that.

I can fully understand you, to be bipolar is hell on earth especially in depression phase

 

[dysfunctional]

I can fully understand you, to be bipolar is hell on earth especially in depression phase

Yeah since mine is mixed all i have is depression phase but its accelerted as if it where mania. At least my doctor thinks so.

 

[odette]

My head is bad I can't function

Please tell me more?

 

[StGerman]

Yeah since mine is mixed all i have is depression phase but its accelerted as if it where mania. At least my doctor thinks so.

Try everything you can, all sort of pills, antipsychotics, antidepressants, mood stabilisers as Lithium or Valproate, magnetic Therapy, electroconvulsive Therapy, Ketamine, something will work out for you, I will keep my fingers cross for you

 

[odette]

I have been on psych drugs and given ECT now I can no longer function. I have no voice but ctb but I'm scared

You're on drugs right now that are messing with your mind? You need to get to a doctor, friend!

 

[RottenOdysseus]

Part of my problem is that I'm too afraid to share my problems. I'm afraid they are going to be used against me and that I will get judged for them. I'm also paranoid about friends finding out about them and ditching me because of it. I feel like I can never be 100% honest with anyone since I keep so much to myself. Its slowly killing me but I still can't get it out. I'll probably just keep it inside forever which sucks since part of me wants to relate with someone about these problems as well. Kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. And then theres the problem of these problems never being solved anyways. Theres nothing I can do. I'm just stuck stuck stuck I can't stand it. I feel like I need to scream but my mouth is sewn tight.

 

[odette]

I've been going to drs for years wtf do they know they just make shit worse and worse and worse

But you mean you're on drugs right now and the drugs you are currently on are messing up your mind? Or did I misunderstand you?

 

[odette]

Prescriptions. Changes. Idk but brain fried

Listen to me, friend. It sounds like you are going through something that feels awful right now but is temporary. You need help right now. Do you live alone? Do you have a friend, family member, therapist or doctor you can call?

 

[Thisisme373]

Part of my problem is that I'm too afraid to share my problems. I'm afraid they are going to be used against me and that I will get judged for them. I'm also paranoid about friends finding out about them and ditching me because of it. I feel like I can never be 100% honest with anyone since I keep so much to myself. Its slowly killing me but I still can't get it out. I'll probably just keep it inside forever which sucks since part of me wants to relate with someone about these problems as well. Kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. And then theres the problem of these problems never being solved anyways. Theres nothing I can do. I'm just stuck stuck stuck I can't stand it. I feel like I need to scream but my mouth is sewn tight.

I totally understand, I'm the same, nobody in my life knows how bad I truly suffer, I've tried reaching out in the past in a more subtle way and people just pull away and don't want to know about any negativity, the worlds selfish.

 

[Thisisme373]

I have severe depression/anxiety and social phobia.
I've been through too much in my life, I'm only 32 but trust me I've been through hell and still living in it.
I have no job, I've been out of work for 4 years due to depression so nobody wants to give me a chance now.
I can only see things getting worse for me in the future as I am a truly broken depressed mess.
The thought of death doesn't bring any fear whatsoever to me, the thought of death brings me comfort.

 

[Minvino]

• I have severe metal health problems (depression, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder) and I can't afford medications or therapy.
• I keep having the feeling where everyone hates me and they probably do.
• I'm failure who can't do anything right.
• I'm a bi-romantic homosexual and it's illegal to be anything but heterosexual sexual when I'm from.

I just live my life like this for so many years and it's just time for me to ctb.

 

[Ch92921]

I'm gay. I Knew it from a very young age. Not a very unique or interesting story, but here it goes: I must have been about 10 or 11 when I realized that I was attracted to boys rather than girls, men rather than women. Although philosophically, I have made peace with this fact, and have since lost my faith entirely, I still find that I hate who I am, and I know it will never change. Only way I will ever rid myself of self-loathing is to erase myself from the planet. I'm not looking for pity, I'm just telling it like it is.

the same!

 

[Roadkill]

I want to die because I'm scared of everything, and I hate being alive... I have major anxiety and fears which control my life... I want to die so bad, but I am too afraid to do it because of the fear of failure.. I'm afraid of not dying and being in even worse shape than I am now.. I wish there was a button I could press to end my life right now, I would press that button immediately

 

[Bedlamb]

I'm a pathetic waste of life who only ever burdens and disappoints others. I'm too disgusting inside and out to be loved or helped out of the cycle of self sabotage I've trapped myself into. Sometimes I'm not even sure I'm human. I just don't want to keep existing.

 

[SunSetsForever]

No, you're not over-reaching. But I was raised to believe that i was a sinner, and given the unchangeable nature of sexual orientation, I assumed that I must have been condemned to my sin-- a "vessel of God's wrath, destined for destruction." I no longer believe this bullshit, intellectually. But it's hard to shake the moral or religious beliefs that you were raised in.

I understand how horrible religious trauma can be. I was raised with some pretty bad religious teachings, very extreme Christian "rules" to ensure I would be a good person. I'm glad I was able too get away from the toxic religious environment in adulthood, but they gripped me for a very long time, so much so, that it affected every aspect of my life.

I'm sorry that we both had to grow up like that.

Romantic interest (love) can be a wonderful thing, be it just platonic, romantic, or sexual, and it shouldn't matter whom we love. It's so sad that society even limits who people can have an interest in.

Do you think you could ever find a man whom you can love and who will love you in return? Perhaps they could help you on a journey of self acceptance? (I'm not giving advice here, I'm honestly asking if you think this would ever be possible.)

 

[ShadowOfTheDay]

I understand how horrible religious trauma can be. I was raised with some pretty bad religious teachings, very extreme Christian "rules" to ensure I would be a good person. I'm glad I was able too get away from the toxic religious environment in adulthood, but they gripped me for a very long time, so much so, that it affected every aspect of my life.

I'm sorry that we both had to grow up like that.

Romantic interest (love) can be a wonderful thing, be it just platonic, romantic, or sexual, and it shouldn't matter whom we love. It's so sad that society even limits who people can have an interest in.

Do you think you could ever find a man whom you can love and who will love you in return? Perhaps they could help you on a journey of self acceptance? (I'm not giving advice here, I'm honestly asking if you think this would ever be possible.)

Thanks for the kind response. But no, I think that ship has sailed, so to speak. I'm really just ready to call it quits.

 

[ShadowOfTheDay]

My overall life sucks, Aspergers coupled with social anxiety and shit, then also being an ugly Asian male in western society, not much I can do about that (dating prospects are slim or non-existent or a joke, social life is hell). Plus, most of my life objectively sucks (while I have a small job to support myself, it still sucks) and I'm just existing, and also a lot of my dreams and goals are just unattainable at this point. Then of course, you got existential problems, fear of old age, infirmity and disease, and societal/social issues in day to day life.

I just want to end my suffering.

For what it's worth, I think Asian dudes are hot ;)

 

[throwaway123]

because life is pointless and stupid. There is no purpose in suffering. No greater meaning. It's all just pointless.

By the way my life is shit(don't want to go into detail with that). I've never really been happy and even if I was I can't unsee what I've seen. People live because of ignorance. They ignore all the suffering in the world. They are biological machines programmed to survive and procreate.

I can not cope with the fact that we all might just be biological machines.
All of our emotions are just chemicals. I wish there was something immaterial about us but so far there's never been any proof for that. So....

 

[3cookies]

Depression
OCD
A mile long list of chronic illness that suck but don't have the curtesy to be terminal
Debt mainly healthcare related
Chronic never ending soul crushing pain: CRPS the most painful disease known to man
being disabled and 97ish% dependent. I can somewhat feed myself soft hand held food with my left hand only. That and using my phone are my only abilities
forced tapering of meds due to opioid epidemic, leaving me in more pain
hatred of myself
That's the short list. I am full of bitterness and disgust for myself. I cannot keep living this life!

 

[AhG]

My wife left me over things I couldn't tell her till it was too late. It was also because I had no control over the things that were being forced upon me. I understand why she left and I don't blame her, I just wish she would have trusted me in the end.

 

[Its911]

Im a sociopath with depression, ha what a cocktail.

My depression says kill myself and my sociopathy doesnt let me. I think the depression is winning. Yup, winning.