Tell me about your double life

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't really have a double life. I'm depressed and miserable irl just as much as I am here. I wish I could have a double life

 

[Kit1]

Definitely have a double life. To tell world outside of this forum and my clinical psychologist (and ex doctors), I am totally functional - in a sense I have what most people think is an ideal life - family, job etc. I look at my life - till I was an adult, probably met most challenges that nonchild or teenager (or even adults) should be faced with. Started to make progressed from late teens - I guess I am lucky to live in a country where there is still a degree of freedom compared to most, food/water/clean air is taken for granted, have a family now, a job, safe place to live and am not at risk of being abused (though I am vulnerable and will need to keep an eye on that one). But deep down, I deal with trauma and struggle with keeping myself alive as that child who was severely abused is my constant travel companion. Being neurodiverse with mental health challenges mean that I struggle to communicate - bit am pretty good at masking this leaving me exhausted all the time. The guilt, feeling of being contaminated and being dirty for having been constantly violated as a child and nkn acceptance of the abuse by my birth family leaves me alone and grappling to just stay "sane" in the eyes of the world. Mine is definitely a double world. I have a policy not to lie and to die rather lie if I have to - which means I am constantly trying to be truthful in a world I feel threatened by and that is hard work. I also promised myself that until my last breath, I will try and look out for people around me and it is heartbreaking to se how many people suffer unnecessarily and that feeling of helplessness is soul destroying. But I guess this is a similar story of so manybofnmy fellow travellers on this forum.

 

[Mongoose]

I have to pretend everything is fine for the next two weeks until it's time. Honestly, it's just destroying me. But if I let slip anything is wrong, it's over for me. No one would leave me alone, and I'd be under constant attention and supervision.

I just spent an hour lying to my mental health service to convince them to discharge me. They nearly called a Mental Health Act assessment.

It is so hard and so lonely.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I'm the therapist friend and the one people go to when they need emotional reassurance. It's funny because I'm not more mentally well than them, I just act like it.

 

[Orbitc]

In real life, everyone thinks that I am a cheerful, rather nice and happy person with life because when they ask me - how are you doing? I always answer - great! Of course, I don't want to whine so that my clients will never come to me again. I have to lie. I am very afraid that someone will find out that I have some kind of vulnerability. Here on SS I can talk about the fact that I want to commit suicide without this fear. I also have a third life - on Twitter I am an angry, rude, ruthless bitch))) I have a personality disorder))) threeorder)))

 

[DT2007]

I just wrote to my dad that i love him. Amd in half an hour I have to attend a group session in a psychiatric hospital. I yesterday promised my Psychiatrist that I'm doing fine. Made an online purvhase for a life time subscription earlier today. Attempted a couple of days ago with sn but failed.