Suicide vs "accident" vs "disappearing"?

[Lightkeeper]

So, I'm considering to ctb, but I'm wondering what kind of method would be "easiest" on my parents to cope with. Sorry if it's a dumb question, but I'm a sperg so I really don't understand normal people very well. But basically I'm choosing form the following options:

a) Straight forward suicide. I leave the note, do my thing and that's it. This is the option which I'm not very fond of, because I think (?) it would make my parents feel the worst, with thoughts like "what could I do/say differently" etc.

b) Accident-looking suicide. I'm fairly confident I could pull it off, but I'm not sure if that's better than going out on my terms. What I'm worried that parents would feel bad that I had to go even though I was enjoying life and all (lol). Also the way I exist now would definitely raise some questions if it really was an accident, even if the technique was perfect on its own.

c) Disappearing, meaning I'd travel far into middle of nowhere and CTB in a way and place where my body would not be found. The reason I'm considering this that even though my parents wouldn't know what's up with me, there would always be that "glimmer of hope" that I simply went out to start a new life somewhere else. But then again, I know that some people might prefer a "closure" instead?

Sorry if it was already discussed somewhere, I just literally couldn't find a search button lol.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my opinion maybe disappearing might hurt most as they'd spend the rest of their existence wondering what happened, at least if they knew the person died it might give them some closure.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Disappearing is way worse and cruel if you intentionally do that.

On one hand, they would live with that for the rest of their lives and would NEVER be able to move on, so you put their lives on hold for good. For decades, potentially, and completely fucked their lives.. for what?

On the other hand, it is not everyone that has hope when someone disappears. Sometimes it is blatantly obvious, police and people aren't stupid. It isn't as easy to disappear these days as it used to be. So essentially, you'd waste police time and a lot of other people's time - for what? Or you'd be considered murdered, and that would be a HUGE waste of police resources.

The fact that you're even considering it is baffling, and very juvenile. Sounds like you're very young, or perhaps just incredibly emotionally immature. Might want to work on it before considering suicide.

You can hate on me for stating the obvious, and that's fine, but use logic here. It is common sense how a disappearance would impact an entire family.

How would you feel if someone did that to you, yet all they wanted to do was to end their suffering, but DECIDED and PLANNED to disappear on PURPOSE, when really, they could've ENSURED their body was found, to give their family closure, but again.. decided to do this on purpose. How SICK!

 

[Lightkeeper]

Disappearing is way worse and cruel if you intentionally do that.

On one hand, they would live with that for the rest of their lives and would NEVER be able to move on, so you put their lives on hold for good. For decades, potentially, and completely fucked their lives.. for what?

On the other hand, it is not everyone that has hope when someone disappears. Sometimes it is blatantly obvious, police and people aren't stupid. It isn't as easy to disappear these days as it used to be. So essentially, you'd waste police time and a lot of other people's time - for what? Or you'd be considered murdered, and that would be a HUGE waste of police resources.

The fact that you're even considering it is baffling, and very juvenile. Sounds like you're very young, or perhaps just incredibly emotionally immature. Might want to work on it before considering suicide.

You can hate on me for stating the obvious, and that's fine, but use logic here. It is common sense how a disappearance would impact an entire family.

How would you feel if someone did that to you, yet all they wanted to do was to end their suffering, but DECIDED and PLANNED to disappear on PURPOSE, when really, they could've ENSURED their body was found, to give their family closure, but again.. decided to do this on purpose. How SICK!

Not hating at all, on the contrary, thank you for your opinion. As I mentioned, I have Asperger's, I don't understand regular people's emotions very well. Personally, I'd rather have a hope that the person I loved is somewhere out there just living a better life... But then again, I'm not like others, so that's why I'm glad to hear opinions of normal people :)

 

[OneFinalAction]

Disappearing is way worse and cruel if you intentionally do that.

On one hand, they would live with that for the rest of their lives and would NEVER be able to move on, so you put their lives on hold for good. For decades, potentially, and completely fucked their lives.. for what?

On the other hand, it is not everyone that has hope when someone disappears. Sometimes it is blatantly obvious, police and people aren't stupid. It isn't as easy to disappear these days as it used to be. So essentially, you'd waste police time and a lot of other people's time - for what? Or you'd be considered murdered, and that would be a HUGE waste of police resources.

The fact that you're even considering it is baffling, and very juvenile. Sounds like you're very young, or perhaps just incredibly emotionally immature. Might want to work on it before considering suicide.

You can hate on me for stating the obvious, and that's fine, but use logic here. It is common sense how a disappearance would impact an entire family.

How would you feel if someone did that to you, yet all they wanted to do was to end their suffering, but DECIDED and PLANNED to disappear on PURPOSE, when really, they could've ENSURED their body was found, to give their family closure, but again.. decided to do this on purpose. How SICK!

You could've put it nicer. Sure, it is stupid but there's no need to bash them like that

 

[Gangrel]

Honestly i don't want my body to found as well so i think that person is being way too harsh. But like..wathever, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

 

[untothedepths]

disappearing. that alone could be them being kidnapped, raped, and discarded like a piece of property. thats the worse scenario true, but its one of the ultimately worst things people can go through. and when someone disappears, there is usually a really good chance that happens, unfortunately. i dont like saying it, but a disappearance is always a major red flag for the worst to happen. at least with the other two i would know what would happen, so closure is there.

um im obviously unintelligent and misread the post but ill just keep what i wrote on top - disappearing can still hurt more. BUT, if you had truly toxic and shitty people in your life imho its probably best to do that, if you can, if its even possible. maybe people like that dont deserve to know how people are doing.

 

[Thanatos.br]

For me, i think i would go insane if someone i love disapeared, you dont know what happened to him, maybe he's dead, maybe he was kdnaped and sold has a sex slave, or harvested for organs and left to die in pain, maybe raped and et cetera. As sad as it is, death is way easier to reconcile.

 

[porteduniform10]

Dissapearing might not be the best idea, it could be a very bad one in fact. Leaves people scarred for life, and unless you're doing it to peoples who left you that same way, I don't see any point on inflicting such torture on your parents. Parents losing a child is something I've, sadly, seen very closely, and it just fucks tehm up in a way that no paragraph could ever describe properly, let alone leaving them with an eternal doubt of what might have happened to you if you just dissapear

If you want to go soft on them, you might wan to look more into the "accident" route

 

[Duality]

I also agree that disappearing is the worst thing in the context you presented. It is agonizing wondering what happened to your loved one, if they're dead or alive, what's happened to them, are they ok, or if they did die was it peaceful, etc.

Whatever you decide to do, I would highly recommend at least taking that option off your list.

 

[Lightkeeper]

I also agree that disappearing is the worst thing in the context you presented. It is agonizing wondering what happened to your loved one, if they're dead or alive, what's happened to them, are they ok, or if they did die was it peaceful, etc.

Whatever you decide to do, I would highly recommend at least taking that option off your list.

Thanks for reply. Though if I may ask, what would be the better context in which the disappearing would be more acceptable? I'm thinking of leaving a note saying I've had enough and needed a fresh start or something of the sorts, but I'm doubtful they'd buy it, I basically don't leave house anymore unless necessary due to heavy social anxiety. Or do people do this sometimes? Just snap and move to Jamaica or something?

 

[rokonie]

Even if you left some note, they would still want to find you imo. Most people aren't just going to go like "Ah well, hope they are alright!" and move on if a loved one suddenly vanishes leaving just a letter. Depending on how dedicated they are to finding answers i'd imagine they'd sink lots of money, time, and resources to hire help and find any trace of you. It can also be traumatic to be suddenly abandoned by someone. That can severely affect one's mental health and their ability to form committed attachments. @/MyTimeIsUp said it harshly imo but i agree with them. I'd rather go with plain suicide or accidental death just to give them closure.

 

[itsalittlecold]

Not hating at all, on the contrary, thank you for your opinion. As I mentioned, I have Asperger's, I don't understand regular people's emotions very well. Personally, I'd rather have a hope that the person I loved is somewhere out there just living a better life... But then again, I'm not like others, so that's why I'm glad to hear opinions of normal people :)

I can definitely understand your logic in thinking.
If I think about my sister or brother in this occasion, personally I'd have a far better time with the disappearance as you say- it'd give me a glimmer of hope.

If they was involved in an accident or was someone else's fault, it would hurt but there is closure.

However finding out the ctb- I can't even bare the thought of it for more than 30secs.
They'd be no closure for me and I wouldn't stop thinking about it.


Of course given the reason I'm here and the things I've said to my sister in regards to having a pro-choice etc- I'm massively hypocritical & I should be agreeing with the others.

 

[11April]

Не совсем исчезают. Незнание хуже потери. Грустная правда лучше неизвестности.

 

[enduringwinter]

Accident 100%. In the other 2 scenarios I'd know they made a concious decision. Accidents are unfair and devastating.

Ps. I've discussed this in a group before. Me and another Asian didn't understand people's extreme need for closure in all context and we chalked it up to cultural differences.

 

[InigoDeux40]

So, I'm considering to ctb, but I'm wondering what kind of method would be "easiest" on my parents to cope with. Sorry if it's a dumb question, but I'm a sperg so I really don't understand normal people very well. But basically I'm choosing form the following options:

a) Straight forward suicide. I leave the note, do my thing and that's it. This is the option which I'm not very fond of, because I think (?) it would make my parents feel the worst, with thoughts like "what could I do/say differently" etc.

b) Accident-looking suicide. I'm fairly confident I could pull it off, but I'm not sure if that's better than going out on my terms. What I'm worried that parents would feel bad that I had to go even though I was enjoying life and all (lol). Also the way I exist now would definitely raise some questions if it really was an accident, even if the technique was perfect on its own.

c) Disappearing, meaning I'd travel far into middle of nowhere and CTB in a way and place where my body would not be found. The reason I'm considering this that even though my parents wouldn't know what's up with me, there would always be that "glimmer of hope" that I simply went out to start a new life somewhere else. But then again, I know that some people might prefer a "closure" instead?

Sorry if it was already discussed somewhere, I just literally couldn't find a search button lol.

I been obsessed with missing people cases for years since I was a teen, I been studying them because I also think of this possibility for me, so, In my honest personal opinion I think this is the most painful one, 'the glimmer of hope' is utter devastating and is more haunting than the closure of a confirmed death. People are more destroyed over not knowing what happen vs knowing and learning to cope with it. It's just my thought of course...

 

[Lightkeeper]

I see. Well, thank you everyone for your replies, based on the comments and the poll, it looks like most people aren't fond of the disappearing option, so I'll probably skip that. A bit offtopic, but is there some thread which discusses the 'accidental' suicidal options? The one I thought about involve great bodily harm, I'm probably rather leave my corpse somewhat intact (for funeral and to not bother people even after my death lol). I figured this must have been discussed somewhere but I just can't find the dang search button - is it even here somewhere?