Suicide preparations

[wildflowercloud]

(Just a note: we have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) so that's why we write in plural pronouns)

We've been doing extensive research into our chosen suicide method of partial hanging.

Around a month ago we practiced the method, and within seconds we were unconscious, and we came too we think because it wasn't an actual attempt so didn't go into it 100%, and was so confused about what just happened and thought we dissociated and then thought we got drunk and didn't remember and then, we remembered what we had done and took it off our neck, heart absolutely racing.

The ligature point we had decided on was too likely to not be successful, so we did more research into our method yesterday and today, and we came across some VERY graphic things, which was hugely overwhelming and disturbing. However, we also felt some relief knowing what we had wrong and now knowing how to make it much more likely to be succcessful.

Today, we scouted out the location for our suicide, and we found a really good place. Our heart was absolutely racing and we had so much anxiety, while also mixed with relief knowing our plan is so close to being finished so we can carry it out and complete it, to finally be free and safe and at peace. The only things left is me, the only alter left who is a little bit hesitant out of fear, but I'm getting so, so close to overcoming the fear. The second thing is about when.

We don't know when we plan to carry it out. It is hopefully going to be a team effort within our system as much as possible. Though some alters have said they're making my dissociation so intense that I'm not going to be able to control what I do, like being used as a puppet. This is not counting when switching happens. So that is scary, and my dissociation has increased heavily. I have been using self harm as a way to try and stay in control, it's just hard because it doesn't last long, but it works better than the other skills we've learned at this point. I rely on it so much.

We are completely and utterly hopeless. That's a fact. Every alter in our system wants and needs suicide, including me, no one wants trauma therapy, no one wants a life even if it could be a good life, we just don't want any of it in the slightest. We are traumatized and terrified, all the time.

Overwhelmed, scared, and relieved. A lot of emotions right now.

 

[angel31]

I wish u all the luck in the world, whatever u choose to do, fingers are crossed :) I would maybe write a delayed message or smth like that so u get found by people who know how to handle that and not some random hikers… if u ever want to chat u can always PM me <3
Sending u digital hugs :)

 

[wildflowercloud]

I wish u all the luck in the world, whatever u choose to do :) I would maybe write a delayed message or smth like that so u get found by people who know how to handle that and not some random hikers… if u ever want to chat u can always PM me <3
Sending u digital hugs :)

Thank you so much!

Yes, we plan to try to make sure that police or paramedics find us rather than people who aren't trained to deal with these kinds of situations. We don't know how to do it without the risk of being found too early, so that's going to have to be something we try to figure out. We might make a post about this to get some ideas too.

Thank you so much for bringing this up, it's a really important detail and we really appreciate this!

Sending digital safe hugs right back

 

[angel31]

We don't know how to do it without the risk of being found too early, so that's going to have to be something we try to figure out.

If u have a location where not many people are, a delayed mail or message or smth like that scheduled like 5h after ur ctb or even later should do the trick ig…

(Btw u are so fckn nice I hope u know that its rlly sweet reading ur replies and posts, thank u, it rlly brightens up my day)

 

[wildflowercloud]

If u have a location where not many people are, a delayed mail or message or smth like that scheduled like 5h after ur ctb or even later should do the trick ig…

(Btw u are so fckn nice I hope u know that its rlly sweet reading ur replies and posts, thank u 4, it rlly brightens up my day)

The location just inside the entrance to a forest shrouded by trees and plants etc, but it's very nearby the back of other people's houses so is still close to the public suburb just more hidden in the back, if that makes sense. So we know there is a risk of someone finding us if they choose to explore the forest a bit, so would need the message sent maybe a couple of hours after the CTB. Do you know how to send delayed messages to people? We wouldn't want it to be sent to anyone in our life because we don't want to traumatize them any further than what will already happen, I'd much rather the message gets through to emergency services but I don't know how to do that or if that's possible. If you have any thoughts or ideas about this that would be so helpful! And you've already been so helpful, so thank you

Aww that is honestly so lovely! thank you so much for saying this, our heart feels so warm and we're really glad to have brightened your day You are also very kind and thoughtful and seem like such a lovely person! We appreciate you a lot!

 

[angel31]

If u have Gmail, open it on a computer, do everything u would do if u would send a normal mail but then next to the send button there should be a down arrow where you can click "scedule send"

Awwwww u just rlly made my day thank u so so much for that, you have rlly warmed my heart I am just smiling rn<3 u are way to cute lol

 

[The anhedonic one]

Find a secluded spot if possible with plenty of tree cover.
Scout the area a few times and at different times of the day to see how many people frequent the area. If you are in any way unsure of your current location, always trust your instincts and find a better spot.
A delayed message is best.
I wish you both a successful and peaceful exit from this dreadful world.

 

[wildflowercloud]

If u have Gmail, open it on a computer, do everything u would do if u would send a normal mail but then next to the send button there should be a down arrow where you can click "scedule send"

Awwwww u just rlly made my day thank u so so much for that, you have rlly warmed my heart I am just smiling rn<3 u are way to cute lol

Oooh that's really helpful advice thank you so much!! I will have a look at that so I'm prepared for when it's time.

Naww lovey you are so wonderful!! You've made me feel warm and fuzzy and nice and it's so lovely so thank you too!

Find a secluded spot if possible with plenty of tree cover.
Scout the area a few times and at different times of the day to see how many people frequent the area. If you are in any way unsure of your current location, always trust your instincts and find a better spot.
A delayed message is best.
I wish you both a successful and peaceful exit from this dreadful world.

Thank you SO much for this advice! This is all really important info to take in and do. We did feel a little bit unsure about the location because it's not very deep into the forest at all, but it's still mostly hidden, and we would do it at night so even less likely for people to see us or stumble across us, so it's still a possibility but will take another look around to somewhere deeper / more hidden just in case we get anxious about being caught too soon / found by innocent people.
Yes will do a delayed message for sure.

Thank you so much

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you all eventually find the freedom you search for from this horrible world, best wishes.

 

[wildflowercloud]

I hope you all eventually find the freedom you search for from this horrible world, best wishes.

Thank you so much