Suicide note?

[WorthlessTrash]

So, I am about ready to order the SN and jump.on the bus. The pain, the jealousy and everything that has come with it is just way too much. I know I am not useful alive, nor am I willing to attempt to be. Instead of wasting your time and complaining on here, I need to use the balls I unfortunately have and go through with it. Fuxk SI and fuck the guilt. I cannot and will not suffer for other people.

I think it is time I write my suicide note out, which brings me to the point of this thread. How long should a suicide note be? And what should be in it? So far i have..

- apologizing to the loved ones
- the reason for me making this decision
- explanation of why i chose to CTB over transitioning
- letting anyone who reads it know that nothing (realistic) could have changed my mind
- requesting to be cremated and my suicide (or at least my name) not be in the news.
- explaining that my decison was rationally thought out and debated.

Is there anything else I am missing?

I really hate that this is what i need to do, but it is the lesser of the three evils in terms of viable choices for my decision. I wish things had turned out differently for me and I was my ideal ASAB :(

 

[Gabriel21]

So, I am about ready to order the SN and jump.on the bus. The pain, the jealousy and everything that has come with it is just way too much. I know I am not useful alive, nor am I willing to attempt to be. Instead of wasting your time and complaining on here, I need to use the balls I unfortunately have and go through with it. Fuxk SI and fuck the guilt. I cannot and will not suffer for other people.

I think it is time I write my suicide note out, which brings me to the point of this thread. How long should a suicide note be? And what should be in it? So far i have..

- apologizing to the loved ones
- the reason for me making this decision
- explanation of why i chose to CTB over transitioning
- letting anyone who reads it know that nothing (realistic) could have changed my mind
- requesting to be cremated and my suicide (or at least my name) not be in the news.
- explaining that my decison was rationally thought out and debated.

Is there anything else I am missing?

I really hate that this is what i need to do, but it is the lesser of the three evils in terms of viable choices for my decision. I wish things had turned out differently for me and I was my ideal ASAB :(

Safe journey

 

[FuneralCry]

It seems like that is a well thought out suicide note, and I feel like only you know if you should put anything else in it, as it is your life after all and only you know your situation. I think that it depends on the individual, how long the note should be. I think that I would personally make my note quite short, as the purpose of it would be to give those left behind some closure and will mean that they are not left with unanswered questions.

This life really is so unfair and I'm sorry that you have suffered so much in life. I know that it is hard to carry on when all you want is to leave. I hope that you find relief from your pain.

 

[TakeMeBack07]

Who cares what's on it. It'll change nothing anyway. Level of grief will be the same for people because either they care or they don't

 

[chocolatebar]

really hate that this is what i need to do, but it is the lesser of the three evils in terms of viable choices for my decision. I wish things had turned out differently for me and I was my ideal ASAB :(

3 evils? Have you already talked about this in another thread?

So, about the note...

explanation of why i chose to CTB over transitioning
- letting anyone who reads it know that nothing (realistic) could have changed my mind
- requesting to be cremated and my suicide (or at least my name) not be in the news.
- explaining that my decison was rationally thought out and debated.

Unless the people around you are exceptionally comprehensible, they won't give credit to you. I've seen that so many times. People will just fall to what that already think and their opinions will be reinforced by the health and social workers. In the end, nothing we say will ever change peoples mind about suicide and they will blame everything on some psychological condition.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

3 evils? Have you already talked about this in another thread?

Transitioning (its an evil for me since it won't meet my standards and the option came way too late in life), coping with being a male (I hate being male so yeah) and suicide (I don't really want to do it, but it is imo the best option of the 3 for myself).

It seems like that is a well thought out suicide note, and I feel like only you know if you should put anything else in it, as it is your life after all and only you know your situation. I think that it depends on the individual, how long the note should be. I think that I would personally make my note quite short, as the purpose of it would be to give those left behind some closure and will mean that they are not left with unanswered questions.

This life really is so unfair and I'm sorry that you have suffered so much in life. I know that it is hard to carry on when all you want is to leave. I hope that you find relief from your pain.

I appreciate the kind words as always :)

Unless the people around you are exceptionally comprehensible, they won't give credit to you. I've seen that so many times. People will just fall to what that already think and their opinions will be reinforced by the health and social workers. In the end, nothing we say will ever change peoples mind about suicide and they will blame everything on some psychological condition.

I guess I just want to do it for closure and to mitigate any guilt I will feel. Answer any unasked questions they would have, etc.

Who cares what's on it. It'll change nothing anyway. Level of grief will be the same for people because either they care or they don't

It matters because it mitigates the guilt, and I still have a conscience in regards to leaving them behind.

 

[Shu]

Who cares what's on it. It'll change nothing anyway. Level of grief will be the same for people because either they care or they don't

maybe because it will leave them without unanswered questions?

 

[chocolatebar]

Transitioning (its an evil for me since it won't meet my standards and the option came way too late in life), coping with being a male (I hate being male so yeah) and suicide (I don't really want to do it, but it is imo the best option of the 3 for myself).

I can understand you... the struggle with not being able to live what we want or wanted to, the horror of being someone far too different from what we'd like to be...

 

[CannotAnymore]

They will make their own decisions and narratives. I'm only leaving a note for the authorities because I am worried they will try and accuse my boyfriend of playing a role.
As for you, I mean there are options, I mean I am sorry that you are choosing this but I hope that whatever you decide you find peace.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I can understand you... the struggle with not being able to live what we want or wanted to, the horror of being someone far too different from what we'd like to be...

It is very tough and the feeling of seeing others live out those lives is too much. I cannot avoid it, even if I was productive in society.

As for you, I mean there are options, I mean I am sorry that you are choosing this but I hope that whatever you decide you find peace.

There are options, just none that would meet my standards. Truth be told, I'd CTB in my 40s anyways even if I was born the correct sex, just because old age isn't appealing to me. At least I wouldn't have to live my young life with all of this self hate, though.

I am very sorry that you have reached a point to where you feel the need to CTB :(

 

[Azael89]

So, I am about ready to order the SN and jump.on the bus. The pain, the jealousy and everything that has come with it is just way too much. I know I am not useful alive, nor am I willing to attempt to be. Instead of wasting your time and complaining on here, I need to use the balls I unfortunately have and go through with it. Fuxk SI and fuck the guilt. I cannot and will not suffer for other people.

I think it is time I write my suicide note out, which brings me to the point of this thread. How long should a suicide note be? And what should be in it? So far i have..

- apologizing to the loved ones
- the reason for me making this decision
- explanation of why i chose to CTB over transitioning
- letting anyone who reads it know that nothing (realistic) could have changed my mind
- requesting to be cremated and my suicide (or at least my name) not be in the news.
- explaining that my decison was rationally thought out and debated.

Is there anything else I am missing?

I really hate that this is what i need to do, but it is the lesser of the three evils in terms of viable choices for my decision. I wish things had turned out differently for me and I was my ideal ASAB :(

I wrote individual letters to my friends and I'm not sure if I'll leave any for my family.
In them I apologize for what I've done and the reason of doing it. I spent a long time writing and rethinking them, after all, it's the last thing I'll ever be able to say to them.

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

As someone with a background in communications and editing, I'd encourage you to put the letter aside for a while (a couple of days at least, if that works w/ your timeline) after you've written it. Then go back and re-read it, to make sure it says what you want it to say. If not, tweak it.

 

[AloneInCollege]

When I was writing a note I basically split it in half and half of it was a will where I said where my stuff should go and to who. If you don't already have a will, that might be a good idea, it's not legally binding though.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

Living til old age sucks. It's like pick your poison, handicapped physically, mentally, and or both. No thanks

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

I really hate that this is what i need to do, but it is the lesser of the three evils in terms of viable choices for my decision. I wish things had turned out differently for me and I was my ideal ASAB :(

I fully understand, but I'm sad.