Suicide Note

[iDontKnowWhat]

Hello guys!!

Do you already have a suicide note?

This is my suicide note! What do you think?


For those of you reading:

1 - Don't shed tears for my departure; celebrate, instead, the best moments I was here

2 - Don't try to find someone to blame, because there isn't one! Please, do not do that. PLEASE!

3 - Forgive me!

4 - I love you!

5 - Wherever I am, I wish to see you happy! So when you remember me, be happy, otherwise the pain will overwhelm me, and I don't want to be sad again!

6 - My pain was so attached to me that, to end it, I had to, first, end myself, unfortunately.

7 - One day we will see each other again! For now, goodbye...

 

[Smelly_ballz]

I only have a draft rn. I'll fix it up or completely trash it at some point. correct me on grammar if you wish.

"I'm sorry but I must go. It is quite obvious to me. God makes life cruel and expects me to live. It is like a supernatural force taking me home. I feel like a professional in taking lives. I have been trying my whole life. I have tried so many times I cannot remember. This is my fate. I was born of the wrong cells. I'll be free, so euphoric. I must prepare my body for death.
'Death has always been my destiny.'
I love you."

 

[loverula]

i'm not sure i want to leave one. i just want to make it seem like i ran away since i don't want my family to be the ones to find my body.

 

[SovietSuicide]

Yeah it basically reimburses the State, says my blood is safe to handle & what to do with my body & property.

Still debating whether to call/message the people I know beforehand.

 

[iDontKnowWhat]

I only have a draft rn. I'll fix it up or completely trash it at some point. correct me on grammar if you wish.

"I'm sorry but I must go. It is quite obvious to me. God makes life cruel and expects me to live. It is like a supernatural force taking me home. I feel like a professional in taking lives. I have been trying my whole life. I have tried so many times I cannot remember. This is my fate. I was born of the wrong cells. I'll be free, so euphoric. I must prepare my body for death.
'Death has always been my destiny.'
I love you."

It's nice! If you allow me, I made a new version of your letter:


Forgive me, but depart I must, to me it's clear at last.
Life, a tapestry God weaves, unfolds in cruel ways,
And expects me to persist, amidst the pain, to stay,
As if a force, beyond what's natural,
Calls me back to my abode, my birth's locale.

I feel a craftsman in the grim harvest's art,
A professional in bringing life's depart.
I've tried across my lifespan, with fervent zest,
So often that the hue of hope, once in my chest,
Has faded into time, its brilliance lost.

This is my fate, my lament, at such a cost:
Born of wayward cells, luckless from the start,
Yet in death, ah, I shall find my chart.
Euphoric I'll be, in freedom's complete embrace,
As I ready my body for the final grace.

"Death, you've always been my destined role."
Love, know that I love you, beyond this toll.

 

[girltwink]

Mine is two pages, one for my family and one for my friends. I'll just post the ending of each.

For my family:

Maybe you guys will have a change of heart, I'll never know. I don't care if you guys will miss me. I'm not sorry. I do blame you. Goodbye.

For my friends:

Thank you guys for helping me through the times you did. Just being able to talk to you was enough to keep me going. You were all really accepting of me and didn't make me feel weird or wrong when I was in the early stages of transitioning. That meant a lot and probably kept me from doing this sooner. I'm sorry it wasn't enough.

 

[the_dude]

I think I'd be too sad to even write one. Not for me but for them, I mean what could I even say? I'm sorry? I love you? They know that, I think a note might bring them even more pain as they can read my last words over and over again and remember them. Idk maybe I'm wrong but I don't see me writing one if I do ctb.

 

[thereisthemist]

it's been over a week now, just send huggies hoping u okay, wherever you are

 

[BlockHammer]

I dont have these kind of thing yet, but probably i will make it when i decided to CTB

 

[Finalnight]

I think I'd be too sad to even write one. Not for me but for them, I mean what could I even say? I'm sorry? I love you? They know that, I think a note might bring them even more pain as they can read my last words over and over again and remember them. Idk maybe I'm wrong but I don't see me writing one if I do ctb.

On my note I will highlight that I want my family to promise me to keep going no matter how hard it is for them, which is what would make me happy the most.

Perhaps you could do the same

 

[Yaffle]

I've been drafting mine for many years. Sometimes during the day a thought will stop me and I quickly add a note to the draft so I don't forget it.

2 main ones plus a clear note for first responders that I've deliberately CTB and lay down my suicidal thoughts and method.

I'd always planned to print the main 2 notes and sign them but as they're very private thoughts I might send scheduled Gmail instead and just leave notes saying to check mail and spam at a given time (Gmail isn't my main email).

 

[heavyeyes]

I have a rough draft in the works. It's hard figuring what to say

 

[cyandude]

I have a rough draft in the works. It's hard figuring what to say

same! I get some rough ideas of what to write and what I need to say and explain because my main concern is not to ruin anyone's life with mine ending, but that only makes it so much harder to accept what I'm writing to be what will be left of my words when I'm gone. it's really tough lol, but I'll manage to write something like 4 pages long by the time I CTB (I have about 6-7 weeks left)

 

[tourniquetbunny]

The more I think about it the less I want to write a note. At most I've thought about leaving a note in my pocket simply stating "This life is not for me." I think that gets the point across enough

 

[drennedrat]

i really like OP's general statements. i've written several notes but haven't liked any of them enough bc they were as detailed as i'd like. i'm going to say something along those lines as well as just apologizing profusely for everything i've done that's caused any problems, alive or dead.

 

[sadone2122]

I feel like I'll either leave a super short one or a super long one, and I'm not sure what to do yet. I think it'll probably be long tbh just because I want my daughter to have letters to read as she gets older and wants a piece of mom.

 

[littlelungs]

I've spent the past 4+ years working on my "note" – it originally started as just a really long letter, but my life has always been extraordinarily complicated and my reasons go back decades, so I ultimately decided to basically write an autobiography (although still highly-simplified, all things considered) and actually tell my story. My hope is that in doing so I can provide some insight and perspective into why I was the way I was and why I made the decisions I made (including the decision to die), and to hopefully give the people who love and give a shit about me something to work with in processing their grief, getting some semblance of closure and the opportunity to understand what all of this was like for me and why it just wasn't sustainable. It's been extremely difficult in every sense of the word and I wish I could have just neatly listed out the reasons as to why I've had enough of this existence and had that be it, and I definitely tried, but I also feel like it's a story that's worth being told, because it deals with a lot of important issues in the process, from issues with the healthcare and social systems, to lesser-known/-understood (but very serious) chronic health conditions, to the long-term consequences of CSA and how important it is to fucking take it seriously, to the right to die, to how much of a difference it can make just to hear people out... etc. God, I'm exhausted.

So anyway, here I am 4+ years later with more or less a whole freaking book to leave behind after I fuck off to the other side. It's my last shot at being heard, so I've tried to make it count.

 

[lojogoeshome]

i'm not sure i want to leave one. i just want to make it seem like i ran away since i don't want my family to be the ones to find my body.

As a parent, I would rather have closure vs wondering wondering and worrying and hoping. Just my .02 though- only you know your situation.

 

[Ernest1964]

He embraced death like a lover, like a traveler going home…

 

[loverula]

As a parent, I would rather have closure vs wondering wondering and worrying and hoping. Just my .02 though- only you know your situation.

i feel bad reading this knowing you're a parent on this site, but thank you for the opinion. i might end up leaving one but doing the same thing of being far away

 

[lojogoeshome]

i feel bad reading this knowing you're a parent on this site, but thank you for the opinion. i might end up leaving one but doing the same thing of being far away

I plan on being far away from my family as well. I know that this will fuck my kids up in the long run, even though they don't have anything to do with me now, but I have passed a point where staying for a small chance that they may change their mind some day in the distant future. I'm sorry that you are suffering.

 

[hi-okbye]

i don't really plan to write a note, i'm not entirely sure why, i think it's a few reasons, but i don't.

also hope your okay and doing well <3

 

[ohyouknow]

I was recently cleaning up/organizing my files on my computer, and I found some that I wrote a few years ago. They're so emotional, I think I should probably delete them. I might just write something short. "Sorry. I love you." Honestly, typing that just now, though, just made me think of how bs that will sound. Like, if I really love them, how could I ctb and hurt them? So, jeez. Idk.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I might do something fancy like upload a video of my message to google drive, then tattoo a QR code link to the video on my forehead.

 

[F@#$]

My note if I leave one. Will be a mean and hateful message. Fuck the world and I'm going to let all the assholes in my life know what impact they had on me. Suffer dicks! Just like they made me suffer. I want to cause as much pain and chaos as I can.

 

[lojogoeshome]

I was recently cleaning up/organizing my files on my computer, and I found some that I wrote a few years ago. They're so emotional, I think I should probably delete them. I might just write something short. "Sorry. I love you." Honestly, typing that just now, though, just made me think of how bs that will sound. Like, if I really love them, how could I ctb and hurt them? So, jeez. Idk.

I fully believe that we can love the people we are leaving but doesn't always balance the scale with the daily suffering. Even my mom has said that she knows both of those can be true at the same time and she doesn't deal with chronically wanting to CTB. Part of my reason is fear that I will keep hurting the people I love vs just hurting them this final time.

 

[heavyeyes]

same! I get some rough ideas of what to write and what I need to say and explain because my main concern is not to ruin anyone's life with mine ending, but that only makes it so much harder to accept what I'm writing to be what will be left of my words when I'm gone. it's really tough lol, but I'll manage to write something like 4 pages long by the time I CTB (I have about 6-7 weeks left)

I think no matter what we write there's no telling how anyone might react or feel. The best thing to do is to hope they understand and move on with their lives